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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find DH so embarrassing?

221 replies

BladdersRoom · 18/06/2017 08:29

I feel bad writing this because I love my DH but I need to vent.

Last year we booked tickets to my all time favourite band's reunion tour in London. I had given up hope of ever seeing them live so was over the moon and so very excited. Last night was the date of the event. DH drank too much as usual and when the band came on he was jumping around and dancing wildly and a couple of blokes behind him started threatening him and giving him a sly jab every time he knocked into them. I told him to calm it down but he just doesn't listen. In the end this big bloke had a go at him and DH replied with "oh god!" Like a teenager and then went in a strop, stop doing there with his arms folded not moving. I was aware of all this going on but I pretended I wasn't as I was just so embarrassed. Anyway he started up again after a while and ended up getting a mouthful of a woman stood next to us. He nearly knocked me over a few times and I had to push him a few times myself.

On top of this he was screeching loudly which sounded like he was taking the piss out of the singers voice, shouting out stupid things like "Axl we love you!" Which got everyone staring at him and when the guitarist did a solo DH was shouting out "1,2,1,2" over and over and for anyone stood near him, it was spoiling what was actually a really mellow solo.

When the singer introduced the band members DH booed loudly at the ones he didn't recognise and now the most mortifying of all - the singer took a few seconds to mention the Grenfell fire and whilst h as talking DH screamed out "we want more music!" I was mortified and turned to him and snapped "he's talking about the fire! Shut up!" Bare in mind we're in fucking London!!!

He just ruined the whole gig for me as I spent the night embarrassed and hoping to god he/we didn't get lynched on the way out.

He does this EVERYTIME we go and see a band. Even when we went to Thailand we went to a tha boxing fight and he got drunk and started booing one of the fighters (a big no no in Thailand) and shouting "cheat" etc. I need to speak to him about the drinking and his behaviour but I don't want to cause a row or upset him by making out that i find him so embarrassing. Am I over over-reacting?

It's not just this one incident, whenever he's drunk he forces his company on people, starts saying stupid stuff to random strangers, asks for arm wrestles etc - all the while I stand there mortified.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 18/06/2017 09:27

Your problems run a lot deeper than your husband embarrassing you.

He is an alcoholic and emotionally abusive (if you spend 4 days out of 7 having to pussy foot around his drunk arse I'd consider this emotional abuse!!) not to mention him being a selfish cunt.

TheWitTank · 18/06/2017 09:28

First of all -go out! Now! You can sightsee on your own, I would without a second thought.
In regards to to the concert, I would have walked off and stood elsewhere and then never gone to a concert with him again. I got a black eye from some prick behaving like that in front of me at a gig -totally bladdered, dancing wildly with no regard to anyone else and then bitching loudly and calling everyone "boring pricks" when told to pack it in. Completely ruined my (very expensive) evening and my face for a good few weeks. Selfish arsehole.
For me, behaviour like this (and the lack of remorse/apology after) would make me seriously consider our relationship.

DisappearingFish · 18/06/2017 09:28

He's an alcoholic and drug abuser. Previous PP said it best. This is your only life. Don't waste it with him.

Flowers
Hulder · 18/06/2017 09:31

Don't let him hold you back. Go and enjoy the day.

Perhaps he'll learn he missed out because he was a twat.

Perhaps he won't - but then you may have the courage to see him for what he really is.

AguacateMaduro · 18/06/2017 09:31

This is sad. Reminds me of my x who ruined everything for me, not by drinking, but by being in a bad mood.

Your view is lovely and try, althought anxiety and uncertainty will be a factor, to go out and do whatever it was you would have done if he'd been agreeable on your own

Before you go out just tell him you're going to let him sleep and he can ring you when he's feeling up to it. There's no point having a row now. Just go out on your own and take it all in.

7461Mary18 · 18/06/2017 09:32

He has a drink problem.
I must say I divorced after 19 years married and almost every day I wake up so utterly happy not to have a partner at all! I can do exactly what I like (subject to the children's needs). No need to rush to divorce but I would start by not going to things with him like that - take a friend instead. Just slow begin to make it clear what you accept and don't.

On this current trip just go out. We go away as a family with a lot of us - eg 5 children, 1 grand child, a lot of people and I set the rules in consultation eg we will have breakfast at X time. We decide that the night before. Then we stick to it. If anyone is even 5 minutes late the others are on to them in a nice way... if someone were very late we would just leave them and get on with everything without them and they would learn a lesson about sticking to times.

I think couples differ and families however so some are more than happy just to play it by ear on holiday, get up late, not have a routine - neither side is right or wrong baout timings but if it matters to you just say thei night before I will be laeaving for my walk at 9am if you want to come I woudl be happy to take you. If he is not up you just leave (although clearly the behaviour at the concert was unacceptable)

TheWitTank · 18/06/2017 09:32

I missee the drugs post, just reread. Leave him OP. Seriously.

Hothothotsummer · 18/06/2017 09:33

I can't believe he's not a complete knob in work or in everyday life drunk or not drunk either.

DearMrDilkington · 18/06/2017 09:34

Why are you with him?

Seriously, just why?

EduCated · 18/06/2017 09:35

Let him lie there and go out for a walk. There's no reason you should miss out.

AntiopeofThemyscira · 18/06/2017 09:35

I'm dying a death of a thousand screams of embarrassment just reading that. My ex was like this. Every occasion ruined by his drinking and showing off. For that and many other reasons we split up in the end. Eight years on I still think of him and how he would have behaved at various events and feel so relieved I don't have to deal with it anymore.

PatriciaHolm · 18/06/2017 09:35

Stop being such a martyr and go out.

Topseyt · 18/06/2017 09:36

Why are you with him at all. He is a complete arsewipe.

Ditch him m for good. Go sightseeing without him. Go home without him. Enjoy your day, without a drunken twat wrecking it.

Start laying an escape plan too, and do not go to any music festival with him. You will be far happier at home on your own, or out with your real friends. He can go and be an embarrassment all on his own.

clearwaters · 18/06/2017 09:36

I sympathise with you OP.

I remember one of my mothers friends having a husband like this. Decent guy at heart but.

OliveSoap · 18/06/2017 09:37

You've outgrown him, and he is an alcoholic. Sorry, OP. Go and have a lovely day in London solo, and think about what to do when you get home.

QuitMoaning · 18/06/2017 09:38

How awful for you. It really ruins things when people behave like this.

It was an excellent event last night, so sorry he ruined it for you.
(I realised it was 25 years and 2 days since I last saw them, at Wembley)

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 18/06/2017 09:38

Go out on your own.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 18/06/2017 09:39

Actions speak louder than words. You've tried talking to your H and it has got you nowehere, so now it's time you showed him that his behaviour has consequences.

Get your room key and handbag and leave him to sleep. Go and explore London on your own in the sunshine and have an amazing time. I would put your phone on silent and ignore any messages and stay out for as long as you want to. Only return to the hotel when you are ready and have had enough of sightseeing.

When your H starts moaning about being left to it, then calmly point out to him that he completely ruined last night's gig for you, that he's spoiled the trip away because he has yet again prioritised getting hammered over doing the stuff you'd planned together. Tell him that you are bloody mad with him, that you don't want to hear his apologies or excuses and that you don't want to discuss it because there is nothing left to say as he'll simply spout the same old bullshit.

Be cold, be distant, let him know how pissed off you are. Hopefully it will shake him enough to realise that he has really crossed a line and that this is serious. If it doesn't, then I'd be looking for a good divorce solicitor when you get home. Life it too short to spend it being married to a functioning alcoholic and drug user.

choochooo · 18/06/2017 09:41

You are describing my dh until a few years ago! He used to do this - always too drunk, jumping around bumping into people at gigs, wandering off drunk at festivals so I couldn't enjoy myself as I'd have to keep worrying where he was, always getting thrown out of clubs for being too drunk. Like you wed both been quite heavy drinkers, we met on party scene. But I stopped and he kept going.

He's now soooo much better and doesn't do this anymore but it took a real effort from me of showing him just what a dick he was being. I videoed his behaviour and logged the incidents to show him how often it happened. He was ashamed.

It did take a gradual process to get better because it meant he had to change the drinking behaviour that he'd done for many years. But now I can't remember the last time he did it and we can properly enjoy ourselves together when we go out.

Home truths. That's what your dh needs.

'You are embarrassing me'

'I don't want to go out with you anymore '

'This is not fun for me'

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you - I used to feel so desperate because he was so lovely the rest of the time.

Shellsandstones1 · 18/06/2017 09:46

I think you need to speak to Al Anon. They support the partners of those with alcohol problems.

But what comes over from your posts is that you have totally outgrown him.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/06/2017 09:48

Dh and I used to drink a lot when we had party or people coming over and lots of wine/champagne. Not every weekend. Dh used to drink in between but not all the time. It took dh longer to reduce his drinking than me. We have dd, who's nearly 9 and I've not drunk to excess since way before she was born. I'm 46. I wouldn't want to be with a man, who gets pissed 4 nights a week. He sounds like he's seriously preventing you from having a fun life.

Alittlepotofrosie · 18/06/2017 09:48

That gig was a once in a lifetime event. Chances are they'll never tour again. He ruined it for you the selfish fucking prick. Get out of the hotel, go sightseeing and think about whether you want this for the rest of your life. Cos nothing will change unless you change it.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/06/2017 09:49

Go sightseeing, enjoy what you want to do and leave him lying there like the stupid arse that he is. He ruined the night out , don't let him ruin the next day.

Of course it won't be the same on you're own but better than sitting there waiting for him.

This behaviour would be very hard for me to forget if I was in your shoes.

Wallywobbles · 18/06/2017 09:51

Ex H was like this. Death by a 1000 cuts. Just live your life. And divorce him. He'll never change. He'll just fuck up every potential happy memory.

ophiotaurus · 18/06/2017 09:51

Sorry but he sounds like an absolute wanker. There is always somebody like this when I go out to concerts and it's very unfortunate that you are married to him Sad