WIBU to name my daughter my cousin's name, when my aunt doesn't want me to?

[PartyPooper16]

Not looking for opinions on the name.

My daughter is due in 3 weeks and we both absolutely love Madison/Maddie.

My cousin is called Maddison/Maddie. She is now almost 12. She has ASD and my aunt thinks she will struggle with the idea of them having the same name.

We are all really close and I'd hate for this to come between us, but we really can't agree on any other name and just love it.

My aunt has said "do what you want, but I honestly would rather you didn't".

WIBU?

Tbh your aunt has given you a reasonable reason why not. Presume you love your cousin and want things to be easier for her...

Or just ignore

@Haffiana

Presumably hell would also freeze over before you in any way were kind or considerate to your family members?

What the hell?

So this only works one way does it? The OP has to be considerate to her aunt and cousin, but they don't have to be considerate back?!

And as for the damn ridiculous question someone asked 'do I get on with my family?' Er YES, because they are not entitled-to snowflakes who demand no-one else uses a certain Christian name. Talk about entitled!

As I said we have several Christian names used more than once in our family, but we're not entitled-to cry babies going 'wah wah wah that's MY daughter's name.'

FFS!

I re-iterate - the OP SHOULD call her daughter Maddison; if the aunt doesn't like tough bollocks. 'My daughter won't like it, and neither do I' is not a valid reason to demand you don't give your daughter the name you want. Trust me, you give her a different name and you will regret it.

As I said, it's funny how some of you think what the aunt wants should trump what the OP wants. If it's going to irritate the shit out her forever, she needs to get over herself and realise she is not the centre of the universe. Fucking hell, how DO some people get through the day in this world?!

OOooooooh, look at me all angry again. Is someone gonna tell me off for it?!

The OP has to be considerate to her aunt and cousin

Well she should name her DD whatever she wants and the aunt can rename her DD - maybe OP can offer suggestions?

When people reading do they completely gloss over ASD because it just does not fit in with their narrative. We know fuck all about the cousin other than her mother who know her best believes she will struggle. My DS2 would struggle and if someone said he was 12 not 3 it would depend if they were asking physical age, emotional age or cognitive age.

it's funny how some of you think what the aunt wants should trump what the OP wants. If it's going to irritate the shit out her forever, she needs to get over herself and realise she is not the centre of the universe

Ffs, it's because the cousin has ASD.

When people reading do they completely gloss over ASD because it just does not fit in with their narrative.

I agree.

You didn't pick the name, your aunt did, a long time ago, you just like what she picked.

You need to choose something else. There are thousands of names out there. You don't need to take another relatives.

I wouldn't be bothered about very distant relatives, friends we seen once in a blue moon, neighbours we have no said relationship with, but close family we see all the time? Plain weird to use someone's name in this situation.

Don't do it OP. Your aunt has made a reasonable request.

SO many names to choose from. What about Annie, Maggie, Hattie, Connie, Cassie

When people reading do they completely gloss over ASD because it just does not fit in with their narrative.

It would certainly seem so.

If you are close I'd choose another name.

I chose the same family name for one of mine as by brother had for one of his.

My brother has never met my son, so I made the right call there!

Can people say what other ways there are to pronounce Madeleine?
Apart from the e sound in the middle?
Is that it? Changing the e to an a?
Sounds similar to me anyway.
Been driving me mad all morning.

Yabu. There are many beautiful names out there.

Mad e Lyn
Mad e line.

ffs the cousin has ASD

And.........???

How the hell does the cousin cope in school, or when she is playing out with friends, if someone else is called Maddie?!

Cry me a river. There is no reason on EARTH for the OP to not call her daughter Maddie, just because that is her cousin's name.

It would take a very weak, easily downtrodden person to be bossed about like this, and not call her child by the name she wants because 'auntie wotsit says so.'

The cousin needs to deal with it. It's life. And the aunt cannot demand her own way all the time because the cousin has 'asd!' FFS!

Don't do it OP. Your aunt has made a reasonable request.
SO many names to choose from. What about Annie, Maggie, Hattie, Connie, Cassie

Oh FFS! 😂

As @greentulips said above - why doesn't the aunt rename her daughter? I am sure we can come up with some lovely alternative names.... How about fanny flo-flo, Bertha Babbles, Dorcas Malorcas, Edna, Helga, Myrtle, Betty bam bam, La la, Dipsy, Tinky Winky, Luluboo ... there's LOADS..................

And 'bobbly,' there is nothing WEIRD about using a name you like for your own child. What a ludicrous thing to say. It's weird to be bossed about and not call your child what you want to because of the demands of an entitled and precious relative.

Call your daughter Maddie OP, and FFS ignore the ridiculous suggestions and the 'bizarre' alternative suggestions that people are posting on here.

So this only works one way does it? The OP has to be considerate to her aunt and cousin, but they don't have to be considerate back?!

Why are you making a competition where none exists?

And as for the damn ridiculous question someone asked 'do I get on with my family?' Er YES, because they are not entitled-to snowflakes who demand no-one else uses a certain Christian name. Talk about entitled!

Why are you making a competition between your family and the OPs? Your family doesn't have to be kind and considerate. We get it.

I re-iterate - the OP SHOULD call her daughter Maddison; if the aunt doesn't like tough bollocks. 'My daughter won't like it, and neither do I' is not a valid reason to demand you don't give your daughter the name you want. Trust me, you give her a different name and you will regret it.

Quite apart from anything else, where are you getting the idea that anyone is demanding anything? The OP said that the Aunt said: do what you want, but I honestly would rather you didn't". We already understand that your family don't dare demand things, fine, so why are you projecting this on the OP? Why are you in such a rage about a polite request?

How the hell does the cousin cope in school, or when she is playing out with friends, if someone else is called Maddie?!

Cry me a river.

Throw you in the river more like. Jesus, just calm down. Why are you having such a temper tantrum over this? Do some yoga, have a wank, anything to calm the crazy.

I knew the name I wanted for my daughter since I was a child, loved it, even pretended it was my name on occasions.
I wouldn't have settled for any other, even if someone close had used it before I had my DD.
OP, go for it. Considering the age difference I really don't see an issue.

unknown You can (and probably do) bulldoze your way through life pleasing yourself and bugger whoever gets in the way of that but some people (including the OP otherwise she wouldn't have asked for input) take other people's feelings on board.The OP put it to the question here because it's obviously troubling her, she posted asking for opinions and that is what she has got. She got some opinions she might not like because there is no obligation on anyone to take her side in this; conversely, there is no obligation on the OP to take anyone's advice, no, not even yours no matter how ranty you get.

Similarly people we deal with face to face in real life are not obliged to tell us only what we want to hear. I didn't read anything about the aunt going 'wah wah wah' or any of the bullshit you made up. She said 'I would rather you didn't' as in she'd rather the OP didn't name the baby after her daughter. She didn't say 'you can't' or 'don't you dare' or 'over my dead body' or threaten to cause WWlll in the family simply 'I would rather you didn't.'

OP obviously asked her what she thought so the aunt told her the truth. Was she supposed to lie to spare the OP's feelings about a name for a child who hasn't even born yet at the expense of her daughter's possible discomfort?

Maddie is a name I love, personally I would use it if you love it enough. Just use the version your cousin doesn't use when around her.

Are you usually this ignorant about ASD, Notknownatthisaddress? There are a huge range of problems that go with it as a SN and what is fine for one child with it may not be fine for another. Perhaps she doesn't cope well with hypothetical children with the same name which is why th emptier knows it would be a problem. Perhaps she doesn't know any others. The mother is best placed to know if it could cause an issue, not some random off the Internet who knows nothing about this child.

Also, bear in mind that the aunt said "do what you want, but I honestly would rather you didn't" rather than any attempt at outright "banning"

Yabu. There were lots of names I wanted but couldn't have as friends and family had used. I think it is a bit odd when people use a name already in the family. Seems a bit rude/weird/selfish.

Names aren't copyrighted, and plenty of families have the same names running through them. Call DD what you please OP, it is entirely up to you and not for other people to suggest.

@nosugarthanks

Names aren't copyrighted, and plenty of families have the same names running through them. Call DD what you please OP, it is entirely up to you and not for other people to suggest.

This X100. ^ Many families have several people with the same Christian name; including mine, and many I know! No-one has any right to tell someone they can't use the name they want. No matter how much they think their wishes should trump someone else's.

And for the record, I know several people with the condition that the OP's cousin has, so keep your pathetic assumptions that I know sod-all about ASD to yourself. And I can tell you for a fact that they certainly have no problems with someone having the same Christian name as them, (including relatives.) The OP's aunt is just being precious. The OP has every right to call her daughter Maddie. And the aunt has no right to tell her not to.

It's quite hilarious how people think someone has a right to tell a relative they can't use the name they want for their child. Glad I don't live in a family with people like this. They would soon be put in their place if someone in my family did behave like the OP's aunt!

Oh and OP..... call your daughter Maddie. Do it! If only to piss off the high and mighty on here who are insisting you call your daughter Myrtle Moo-moo, or Fanny Floppington! 😂

And on that note I suppose I should go have a wank, whilst I'm doing the lotus position, because apparently, I'm sooooooooo angry! 🙄 yawn

Oh and @PartyPooper16 ........... CALL YOUR DAUGHTER MADDIE!

I can't imagine any situation where a family member makes a polite, well-reasoned request to me not to do something that will cause another family member distress, and I go "nah, fuck it, they will just have to get over it" and do it anyway... Why on earth would anyone behave like that?

If you've met one person with autism....you've met one person with autism.

What is ok for one person won't be ok for another so take the ignorance elsewhere