WIBU to name my daughter my cousin's name, when my aunt doesn't want me to?

[PartyPooper16]

Not looking for opinions on the name.

My daughter is due in 3 weeks and we both absolutely love Madison/Maddie.

My cousin is called Maddison/Maddie. She is now almost 12. She has ASD and my aunt thinks she will struggle with the idea of them having the same name.

We are all really close and I'd hate for this to come between us, but we really can't agree on any other name and just love it.

My aunt has said "do what you want, but I honestly would rather you didn't".

WIBU?

Of course you shouldn't and I'm totally astonished you need to ask the question.

I'm with HeteronormativeHaybales It's one thing if like DH's family there are traditional names that have been used generation to generation, hence 3 Michaels who have different nicknames. Madison is a very "now" name and probably has not historical significance to your family. I've started to realize that the trendy names from my childhood are now starting to be seen as middle-aged names to younger children - tread carefully.

I would tread carefully too due to the ASD. How about Addison/Addie as suggested above or Matilda - Mattie, which has a similar sound but to someone with ASD might be viewed as quite different. Matilda would also have Tilda or Tilly as possible nicknames.

My son would really, really struggle to accept another child with the same name and he has ASD. Fortunately he has a name which is very, very old but has been under used for 100's of years so no probs there.

There are so many lovely names, hop over to the baby names board and they will be delighted to suggest some beauts.

I don't think anyone particularly owns a name, but I do find it slightly weird that among the millions of girls' names in the world, you can't find another one you like, and need to recycle one.

Give your child her own name for goodness sake.

she is telling you her daughter might struggle, she might also really like having a cute little baby share her name

I suspect the mother knows her child best.

Has anyone actually asked Maddie? Presumably there is some reason they are predicting problems rather than just assuming - my DD is autistic and would be over the moon if a little relative had her name

You might find that family reframe your Maddie as Merrie or Meggie or something to avoid confusing cousin.

In reality they won't be close at all due to the age difference and unless you're an unusually close family they probably will only see each other a few times a year. By the time your child is old enough to be running around and someone shouting "maddie" might cause confusion your cousin will be a teenager. She'll also know other children with the same name. I suspect this is more about your aunt than cousin.

just say it is a family tradition to name a baby after someone else?

if your cousin is known maddie, you call baby madison when around the cousin, and vice versa. this will not be the same name then.

ds is autistic, dd is prabably autistic. neither has had probelms with other children having the same name. (there a millions of ds's same name) though not every autistic child is the same. if you are using a different version of the name that your cousin uses, then there should not be a problem.

are you sure it is the child who will have a problem or the aunt.

your mistake was telling people what you were planning.

If you'd really hate for it to come between you then get looking for another name. As mentioned above, there's hundreds and thousands of them, you'll find another one that you like.

No way I would call my child a name I only like but not love...
Considering there is a 12y gap between the two girls I doubt there will be confusion, it is usually obvious if you are talking about a baby or pre-teen.
OP I would go with the name, but let your aunt know firsf

If the cousin is at school then wouldn't she be familiar with 2 people with the same name? (2 Olivers/Ellies...)

I would personally try to find another name as your aunt has asked you not to use Madison. I'm guessing that you're close enough for this to be awkward.

It feels a bit odd when you say you are close, and when the other Maddie is still a child. If she was an adult and you were all a bit more removed I'd normally be in the name them what you like camp.

Maddie isn't that great a name though...

Pick something else op.

You want the cousins to have the same name. Your aunt would prefer you didn't.
I wouldn't.

having 'someone' at school with the same name and a member of your own fairly close family with the same name isn't the same. My child (with ASD) middle name is the same as his cousins first name and he gets really upset and refuses to use his middle name at all but isn't bothered about other kids at school with the same first name.
Your aunt has asked you not to, i would respect that.

I'm going to suggest you ask your cousin. Is she verbal, would she be able to express and opinion? She might think it's the Best Thing Ever to have a baby named after her, or she might hate the idea.
But if she's verbal and has good understanding, then ask her, but obviously ask your aunt first if you CAN ask her.

What about Megan? I think Meg is such a sweet nn too.

I wouldn't use it. It's too close to home. It's not very original to pick the same name as her cousin's particularly when it might cause s problem with the asd.

Thumb- that's kind of interfering though to ask the cousin directly. She might say it's fine and then the reality causes a problem.

THat's why I said OP should ask her aunt first if she CAN ask her cousin.

But I get what you're saying - the cousin might think she's fine with it until it actually happens and then not be so happy about it.
Do you think her mother would be able to predict which?

I'd get that baby name book out again. Seems unfair to cause issues to a little girl with SN when you could easily just pick something else. I usually would say your baby, your choice but in these circumstances I really wouldn't.

Too close to home I'd say. Especially with the other girl having asd. Both my girls do and would find it confusing. If your aunt is a nice person and isn't known as being difficult I'd respect her decision. There are hundreds of names out there. What about Amelie?

I think you should stay with th the name you want. We have a traditional name in our family which passes down through most of the females n various forms. When my DiL was pregnant, this was going to be the baby's middle name. Just before the birth the Great Gran, who bore the name died, so the names were changed around.

The second name was so beautiful and I am sure my DiL regrets changing it.