WIBU to name my daughter my cousin's name, when my aunt doesn't want me to?

[PartyPooper16]

Not looking for opinions on the name.

My daughter is due in 3 weeks and we both absolutely love Madison/Maddie.

My cousin is called Maddison/Maddie. She is now almost 12. She has ASD and my aunt thinks she will struggle with the idea of them having the same name.

We are all really close and I'd hate for this to come between us, but we really can't agree on any other name and just love it.

My aunt has said "do what you want, but I honestly would rather you didn't".

WIBU?

coulask aunt if it would make it easier to talk to cousin bout it first.
explain how it makes her extra special.or that there will be someone in the family with the same name and give examples of other people.that its ok.
does she have favourite celeb or someone ahse admires then tell of someone else with the same name?
do you have ifferent last names because this would also help her be less confused.

do people 'own' names - it seems to be quite prevalent and I just find it very

If you are very close then I think it's u to give your dd the same name. As others have said, there are lots of other names and some that are similar.

So the two girls will be second cousins?

It isn't like it is a close biological relationship, it all depends whether you see that much of one another. If they will see each other fairly infrequently, then go for it, but if you live next door and see them every day, I can see why your relatives think it isn't a great idea.

We have had this sort of scenario in my DH's family actually, with his newest niece being named the same as an existing niece.

Though unfortunately the new parents didn't have the sense to check to see if their choice would be well received, and the existing niece was actually really, really upset at having her name 'taken' and said she felt like she was being replaced in the family.

She also hated the Big x Little x thing which rather inevitably sprang up so we had to stop that and I can foresee some confusion in the future about which child is being talked about.

So as your aunt has actually told you that using the same name could be a problem, I think it would be nice if you can at least try to come up with another name.

That said, has anyone actually asked the existing Maddie if she minds?

Yanbu and this is the first time I've ever seen responses like this to a dilemma which crops up regularly on MN.

The other child can be told it's in her honour because she's so lovely. I don't believe the mother's reasoning- it's a common enough name so the child will meet others and will need a strategy to deal with it. Far more likely the mother is one of those absurd name "owners".

There will be a 13 yr age difference- they will barely know each other no matter how close you are to the mother.

Ah yes, right you are Frances!

Madison is the op's cousin, I'd misread it and thougt that the op and Madison's mum were cousins!

So yes, first cousins, once removed, so effectively two separate generations, which to my mind makes it even less of a problem.

YANBU. It's just a name and your cousin will meet other people with it over the course of her life. People are so precious about these things.

You don't have to find a name that you both "love". "Like" is fine. In your shoes I would take the view that, with thousands of names to choose from, there just isn't any need to cause unnecessary distress to an already vulnerable child.

The girl's mother has told you she thinks her DD will struggle if you use the name. I think that is you go ahead and use it you'll come across as selfish as a PP said. Do you want to sour family relations and cause your cousin difficulties?

People don't own names but I do think there are situations where it's absolutely right not to use a name and this is one of them.

I would normally think the separate generations makes the need for different names irrelevant - it would be more of an honour for your cousin than something negative. But the closeness of the ages and your cousin's ASD give me pause.

I think it really depends on how often they are likely to be around each other and what the impact of the ASD is on your cousin's understanding and emotional maturity. And a bunch of strangers ont he Internet aren't going to be able to make that judgement for you.

You say you're in a family which usually isn't bothered by overlapping names, that you are close to your aunt who knows that too; yet she has still asked you not to do this.

Only go ahead if actually you are merely paying lip service to the idea of being close to your family, and actually don't care about concerns for her DD nor intend to spend time with them (so actual'reaction becomes irrelevant to you)

Yabu, given that you are close to the family and DN has autosm. considering not using the name / asking your aunt about it / consulting people on MN does not mean you would not be behaving selfishly to use the name.

There are many, many names.

Yes people don't own names and it's unreasonable to get uptight about someone else having "yours". The OP is getting different responses from the standard MN one because one of the players has ASD, so "that's an unreasonable response, stop it and start behaving more reasonably" is not appropriate.

Also the aunt has approached the situation very reasonably and sounds lovely.

I would choose another name. It is true that no-one can own a name but in this situation where a vulnerable child who may have difficulty coping with the situation is involved I would just pull out all the baby books and MAKE myself choose another name. If you were not a close knit family it would not be an issue but presumable you see each other frequently. Girls with ASD in particular are especially vulnerable to mental health issues as they often appear to be coping with social situations better than they are in reality. Avoiding a permanent potentially stressful situation for her would be the caring way to go. Congratulations on your pregnancy with little Iris/Felicity/Mackenzie/Jessica/Lucy/Kennedy/ Morgan/ Hannah.

i have a seventies double barrell name say' sarah-jane' and my cousin is 'jane' i,m a few years younger than my cousin ,not sure why my parents gave me such a similar name but we only saw each a few times a year as kids so it wasent really an issue but if your close as you say then i could see it maybe an issue.

Normally I am one for "you don't own a name" and you don't so yanbu to use it but I personally wouldn't given your cousin might struggle and as you are close, but more in "what's the point, there is a world of names" way, not out of any strong sense of being unreasonable/ reasonable.

Addison/Addie is practically the same but still different and nicer

That said I wouldn't choose a name where me and my dh couldn't pronounce it the same either, how is that even possible with Madison?

i don't have any truck with name 'owners' usually, but I think this situation is different. YWBU.

Plus, honestly, Madison is one of the Sharons/Tracys of our day - it'll date, badly, and it's really not that nice. I'd avoid on that basis alone.

The fact that hearing choosing that name would negatively effect one of your close family members didn't immediately cross it off the list for you says a lot about you.

Choose a different name.

I wouldn't use the name. I think the chance of upsettting someone seriously isn't worth it.

I couldn't use my beloved favourite name for my dd as it was the same as a family member who had been unkind to my df as a child. I knew he would think of it every time he heard the name and I didn't want to cloud it for him.

I also think if you decide not to use it you could well be pleased in the end because it might m be nicer to have your dd have a unique name that isn't already in the family?

Can Maddison be a middle name?

she has asked nicely, it would cause problems anyway, at family gatherings when folk have the same or similar names, perhaps you only l ove the name so much because of your cousin she has had the name for 12 years,What about asking her how she feels having the baby named after her? BTW in the baby name book I have madison is a boys name, meaning "son of Maud", der of Mathew, also of course boys name.I know it was popular from America about 30 years ago, havent met any since.

She doesn't own the name, is there not a single other madison in the cousins school? Did the aunt choose her schools according to the number of madisons there? Use it if you like it, she is telling you her daughter might struggle, she might also really like having a cute little baby share her name

Why did you ask her? You are just disregarding her opinion.

Would have been better to keep it a surprise. So YABU.

A cousin of mine named her son the same name as mine. I've not forgiven her and it really soured our relationship. I just feel like when its that close a relation its weird.
pleas dont do it.