WIBU to name my daughter my cousin's name, when my aunt doesn't want me to?

[PartyPooper16]

Not looking for opinions on the name.

My daughter is due in 3 weeks and we both absolutely love Madison/Maddie.

My cousin is called Maddison/Maddie. She is now almost 12. She has ASD and my aunt thinks she will struggle with the idea of them having the same name.

We are all really close and I'd hate for this to come between us, but we really can't agree on any other name and just love it.

My aunt has said "do what you want, but I honestly would rather you didn't".

WIBU?

Even if the cousin struggled with it, she'd get used to it, especially if it was explained to her. Sounds like cousin's mother might also need to get used to it. She seems to be panicking about something that's less of a problem than she thinks it is.
Or, take it as an ppportunity to look at other names. The world is your oyster. Keep looking and you'll find one.

You should call your DD what YOU want.What a damn cheek of your aunt to try and veto it!
You are naming your DD for 80,or 90 years, the vast majority of which this cousin will not feature heavily in.

If you had asked my niece she would have said it was fine especially as she would not of expected to be suddenly called big, it took seven years before she could admit it to close family and even then under strict promise that her cousins family never knew.
In my family with same names (mainly the men) the younger generation was determined by the older generation preferred choice. So there is a Tom, then a Tommy and now a Thomas and a Pat and now a Patrick. If the name cannot be adapted then the younger one is younger xxxx or little xxxx. Which is why it came as a surprising for niece to be given the change of big xxxx.

OP, how many ways are there to pronounce Madeleine?

Are one of you French?

OP, how many ways are there to pronounce Madeleine?

Ending in Lin, Line or Lane I imagine

Personally I wouldn't use it but then I wouldn't reuse a name that was already in use amongst close (I.e people we see) family. I wanted my dd to have her own identity without any other associations.

I think the fact that you know for certain your aunt and cousins feelings on it makes it impossible to use without bad feeling. Ultimately It's up to you though.

I'm in the camp that wouldn't make any firm naming decisions till I'd met my baby, I think compromising and leaving your options open till your dd is born is fairly sensible. It would be easy to get swept away in stubbornness when there's still time for you to come across another name.

We have quite a few of this in our family - some by marriage but lots of it just by my Mum's siblings naming their children the same names as my brothers and sisters. I find it a bit odd in all bar one case. In that case it was my Mum's younger brother's wife who wanted to call her daughter after her own mum which was the same name as my sister. There were about 20 years apart and she had a good reason. Our family isn't particularly close in that generation though so it's not really caused too much of an issue.

There are loads of other similar names.

Meredith
Avery
Ainsley
Melissa
Marissa

Maddie-lynn
Maddie-linn
Using the Lynn/linn as a middle name maybe?
Your baby not hers. Plus it's not like the other girl is three, she's 12.

Posted too soon. Meant to say...she's 12 and so mix ups are not going to be so confusing with such a big age gap

OP, no one owns a name, there are lots of other Maddies yada yada BUT is this really a hill you want to die on when you have millions of other choices available to you that won't result in ill-feeling (no matter how minor) surrounding your baby's birth? Your Aunt's concerns may be irrational or trivial to everyone here looking in but since she has those concerns - and I think it's probably closer to the worry that the unspoken distinction people will make when talking about the two Maddie's will not be Big M and Little M but rather M with ASD and nt M - and has specifically requested that you don't do this, why introduce any element of sourness into what should be a cause for only celebration when your baby is born? How do you envisage introducing your newborn Maddie to your Aunt and there not being some feeling of awkwardness or defensiveness on your part or hurt and resentment on hers about it? Don't, do it OP, give your baby another pretty name and ensure that she gets the unmarred joyful welcome she deserves.

I would use the name. Your Aunt doesn't get to decide that you can't use the only name that you and your DP love.

Do you actually spend a significant amount of time with your Aunt and the other Maddie?

It would be a shame if you gave your baby a name that you considered to be second best just because your Aunt doesnt want you to use your first choice. Nobody owns a name. Call your baby Maddie

This isn't about your aunt, though. It's about your niece with ASN who may find find this distressing and confusing. Don't do it.

Won't your grandparents have two granddaughters called Maddie? That would be weird. What about Maisie?

OP's cousin is the 12yo with ASD called Maddison. Cousin, not niece.

Some people really can only ever love one name!

This is an education for me.

I wouldn't do it.

And, although I think you have every right to call your daughter whatever you like, I think you might actually like the name a little less when you realise the upset it will/might cause.

I am baffled at people not only saying that the OP should not use the name she wants for her own child , but also suggesting other names that are 'similar.'

Molly,' 'Melissa,' 'Maggie,' 'Allison' (not really similar!) And Marigold FFS! Mari fucking gold! Why would she name her after a pair of gloves?!

How about calling her mophead, or muppet, or mingetta?

FFS the OP can give her baby whatever name she wants. If other family members have 'problems' with it, tough bollocks. Hell would freeze over before I would be told by anyone what I call my own child.

OP, call your baby MADDISON! Don't be bullied by people telling you that you can't.

FFS the OP can give her baby whatever name she wants. If other family members have 'problems' with it, tough bollocks. Hell would freeze over before I would be told by anyone what I call my own child.

Presumably hell would also freeze over before you in any way were kind or considerate to your family members?

Notknown - get on well with your family, do you?

There's such a thing as being considerate, respecting other people's opinions, making life easier for someone already struggling. And being unselfish.

Family isn't "my way or the highway". If everyone thought "tough bollocks" to everyone else then the family ties could disintegrate. That's how family feuds start, where family members don't speak for months or years.

You sound a bit angry/stressed tbh. I mean that kindly.

But this is her own child - and she only has five girls names to chose from.

Oh no, wait.

What about Addison or Radisson, both reputable brands! Addison becomes Addie. Why not Adelaide.

notknown I was about to post exactly the same about these so called 'similar' names, that are nothing at all like Madison!

Also how rude of people saying "it's really not a nice name" , sorry, who made you Queen of the World.

I think you are doing the right thing OP. I have aspergers and if someone in my family named their child the same as one of mine, I'd be pissed off and probably never get past it. I say probably, no I wouldn't. I wouldn't be able to let it go and it would irritate the shit out of me forever.

There are lots of lovely names, especially for girls. Personally I love Merryn and would love to use it but we aren't having any more.

Radisson? Radisson? A reputable brand? You are aware this is a child, not a hotel chain?

I'm surprised we've not seen Hilton as a boys name actually...