WIBU to name my daughter my cousin's name, when my aunt doesn't want me to?

[PartyPooper16]

Not looking for opinions on the name.

My daughter is due in 3 weeks and we both absolutely love Madison/Maddie.

My cousin is called Maddison/Maddie. She is now almost 12. She has ASD and my aunt thinks she will struggle with the idea of them having the same name.

We are all really close and I'd hate for this to come between us, but we really can't agree on any other name and just love it.

My aunt has said "do what you want, but I honestly would rather you didn't".

WIBU?

I think the OP was hoping for the stop MNet response here... Honestly OP why would you risk upsetting a child you presumably care about and alienating an aunt you are close to? It's a name that will go out of fashion in a couple of years anyway

Soup where does the OP say she's asked her cousin for her opinion?

I just can't understand why you'd want to. There are thousands of names out there. Wouldn't you prefer your baby to have her own unique name?

We are expecting DC2 in the next few weeks. We both come from massive families with loads of kids. We are determined our baby's name will be unique. Because I think it's odd to copy someone's name, personally. I'd find it really odd if I had a relative who chose my daughters name for her child, given the volume of other names out there. I wouldn't be annoyed or say anything, but I'd be a little bit

Was there even any point in asking if you're still thinking about using it anyway?

I wouldn't just because of how close you are. Other than that, I would say it isn't a problem.

We have this in our family and it's not a problem, but those with duplicated names have nicknames - "BigJohn" "WeeJohn" "AmyOne" "AmyTwo" and "Jim'sSarah" and "John'sSarah"

Would you be happy for your child to get a nickname? LittleMaddie?
MaddieTwo? Pooper'sMaddie?

I wouldn't do it.

Why wouldn't you want to be kind and choose another one?

My niece has autism. High functioning but if something distresses her, it can have a huge impact on her life. My sister and BIL have large parts of their lives determined by the need to make home a safe place for her - somewhere she can escape the demands of a world which is not designed for her.

So, imposing a situation (a child with the same name) that you know she would struggle to cope with into your cousins safe space is actually a very cruel thing to do. Its cruel to your aunt too - parenting a child with autism can be incredibly isolating and I know how much it hurts dsis when people dismiss her child's needs

In this situation, however nicely my sister asked me, if I ignored it and named my baby Maddie anyway I wouldnt expect her to speak to me again.

I think YABU.

We have a similar situation in our family, we just ended up with "big julie" who is 10 years older than "little julie" (although big julie was not tol impressed now that little julie is lots taller than her and has now suggested that they swapped nicknames!)

Depending on how much i liked the name/wanted uniqueness i think i probs wouldn't as i like unique names

How often have you seen your aunt and cousin in the past year?

I can't imagine a name being more important than my family's feelings - even if you don't agree with or understand those feelings.

I wouldn't use it, I'd personally want my daughter to have her own name that is just hers (in the family at least, obviously she will come across others in life with the same name as we all do).

And I know we all have different tastes but honestly, Madison has been done to death and I just can't see the appeal. Madeleine and Adeline are so, so much nicer. I wouldn't use Addison as its also very 'trendy' and then there's the disease association which isn't great.

I'd pick another name that isn't teh same as that of another child in the family she will meet lots.

You can choose the name you'd like, but I'd almost say YABU if you don't pick another one.

I come from a family where they use the same name over. There was big Alan, wee Alan, Alan's Alan, Ellen's Alan and as a child I had no bloody idea which was which. Surely with all the names available to you, you can find something else to call your child. She might not look like a Madison when she's born anyway.

My son has autism and gets really stressed out over others with the same name, and any words anyone uses to differenciate between him and them, always ends with him being stressed. As you'll be seeing them regularly it's not worth the trauma. There are millions of names out there... use your imagination

I think you should use the name. If you love the name that much why should you have to find a name you don't be like as much? I say that as a parent of a child with ASD. My son would probably find it difficult if he was in that position too, but he finds a lot of things in life difficult and we work through it, because that's life. I don't own the rights to his name!

The only name you could ever possibly love is your niece's name?

I find that hard to believe.

My brother and sister in law are expecting their first baby if they decided to call the baby by my daughters name i would be quite peeved! I would just think how unoriginal.

Ultimately, you can do whatever you want but under the circumstances described, I would be trying really hard to find an alternative that you can agree on. Especially if the two of them are ever likely to spend much time together.

My son has the same name as my first cousin, and his daughter has the same name as me. But as we only see each other once every couple of years, it isn't an issue.

YABU. And a bit weird.

I cut contact with a family member who decided to name their baby my deceased DS' name. It thought it was disrespectful to his memory, and it was only a year after his death. I can't even look at them, let alone say hello. Even if he hadn't have passed away I still wouldn't have been happy with them using that name, but I doubt I'd have gone no contact.
Believe me it could ruin any relationship with your auntie, especially if she really is against you using it. Maybe using Madeline as a middle name?

I wouldn't do it, it would be selfish. Unless, and this is important, the original Madison does not mind. Ask her, she might even be flattered. If Madison says no, then I wouldn't.

Okay, we will do our best to look for something else.

She isn't my niece. She's the family I grew up with. I was 10 when she was born.

I mean, I don't see her as frequently as my nieces, nephews, sisters, etc. I see her when I meet up with the family that I grew up with (my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.)

Thank you for all your opinions

Can I just say, the reason she wouldn't get a nickname is because in my 'current' family, there are obviously no other Maddies, so the family I see at Christmas, birthdays, etc. I suppose it's a bit hard to explain.

However, like I've said, I'll pick something else. Also, to the people saying why don't you want to be kind, etc. of course I do! I was just wondering as we really don't like anything else. To the person who said use your imagination 🙄 we have looked at thousands of books.