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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say NO to newly qualified driver taking dd and friends out for the day?

261 replies

frenboop · 14/06/2017 11:36

dd (17) has a friend who is taking his driving test today. She says if he passes he is driving them (three teens) to the beach (approx 1 hours drive away) on Sunday.

AIBU to say absolutely no way??

OP posts:
alltouchedout · 14/06/2017 11:37

Of course yabu!

Shoxfordian · 14/06/2017 11:39

Yeah you are being unreasonable

DisneyMillie · 14/06/2017 11:41

I can see why you might worry but you have to let them - its normal to do these things so yabu

PetraDelphiki · 14/06/2017 11:41

How well do you know the driver and other friends? If he's sensible (as 17 year olds go) then a little bit U. Although i wouldn't be over happy in this situation esp if it's an unfamiliar route!

hellobonjour · 14/06/2017 11:41

Eeeek I'd be worried too!

Xmasbaby11 · 14/06/2017 11:42

Depends really. I would have struggled with a long journey like that when I'd just passed my test, especially with a car full of people. But I learnt when i was older and took a long time to pass my test.

Is the friend responsible generally?

I think generally yanbu as this wasn't the norm with my friends.

Peaceandharmony7 · 14/06/2017 11:43

She is 17 not 7. You have to let them do these things.

caffeinestream · 14/06/2017 11:43

I don't really think you can stop a 17yo from going out with their friends, can you?

I'd be worried too, but how long before you deem him safe enough to drive his friends around?

XJerseyGirlX · 14/06/2017 11:43

Oh OP theres gonna be so many situations where your gonna be worried about your DD as she is turning into an adult. Tell her the importance of wearing her seat belt, explain people become a bit " Overexcited" when they pass their test and might get carried away and to keep herself safe. Theres not uch else you can do but you cant stop her going really x

FlyingElbows · 14/06/2017 11:43

Op when you passed your test did you then never drive anywhere?

MrsWire · 14/06/2017 11:44

YABU. How will you stop her anyway? She's 17 for goodness sake.

Newjob12345 · 14/06/2017 11:44

I'd be a bit worried too tbh but I do think ywbu to say no. If he's qualified to drive then you can't really stop your nearly adult daughter going out in his car.

Original poster
frenboop · 14/06/2017 11:44

no he's not particuarly sensible!

dd is and knows she has to wear her seatbelt at all times (someone we know was killed two years ago as she wasnt wearing a seatbelt in the back)

OP posts:
Original poster
frenboop · 14/06/2017 11:46

Yes I did drive everywhere but I was older and more sensible! Not a 17 year old over excited boy driving for a good hour both ways.

I can't stop her, no.

OP posts:
wisteriainbloom · 14/06/2017 11:46

Yes yabu, how long will you let them wait before each friend can take them out?

One month, six months? You will check each person?

My teens know not to get in the.car with anyone who has had a drink or drives too fast, they know to speak up if they feel unsafe.

I would not stop them going out with new drivers though:

christinarossetti · 14/06/2017 11:46

I think the highest rates of RTAs are young drivers who have friends in the car.

I would internally panic, but wouldn't try to stop them tbh.

Original poster
frenboop · 14/06/2017 11:48

ok I will just ask her to text me when she arrives Grin

bet she'll forget Hmm

OP posts:
scottishdiem · 14/06/2017 11:49

I think it also depends on what driving he has done whilst learning. I drove from the Isle of Skye to Dunfermline as a learner with my Dad after he had driven my Gran up. I had failed a test already (parking only) so he was happy to let me drive for that distance.

If he hasnt driven much except around the test routes I can see why you might be worried but she is 17 so there is little you can actually do about it. Sorry.

user1495451339 · 14/06/2017 11:49

She might be 17 but if she lives at home you are responsible for her so do what you feel is right.

Hisnamesblaine · 14/06/2017 11:50

I would be on eggshells the whole day I'm afraid!

Cantseethewoods · 14/06/2017 11:51

I don't think YABU. When I passed I was only allowed to drive with my parents or my sister in the car for the first 3 months. Passing your test means you can just about drive safely. It doesn't mean much more than that.

happystory · 14/06/2017 11:51

Exactly the same happened here, ds drove to Brighton (also an hour away) the weekend after he passed his test. The good thing was he was pretty nervous and therefore v careful. Didn't stop me fretting tho!

harderandharder2breathe · 14/06/2017 11:52

Yanbu to worry but YABU to stop her going.

Original poster
frenboop · 14/06/2017 11:53

I think its the fact that they are going out for the day - therefore will be over excited and lairy. Dd might not be but I don't know the boys well enough. Also they might drink on the beach - don't know this for sure, but well - teenagers. I am worried dd will be too embarrassed to say anything .

OP posts:
ExplodingCarrots · 14/06/2017 11:54

I can see why you're worried but yabu. I have great memories of my friends passing their tests when we were 17 and then all going for a spin down the beach in their cars.