to say NO to newly qualified driver taking dd and friends out for the day?

[frenboop]

dd (17) has a friend who is taking his driving test today. She says if he passes he is driving them (three teens) to the beach (approx 1 hours drive away) on Sunday.

AIBU to say absolutely no way??

It's possible he might have a black box thing fitted to his car to keep his insurance lower? If so he might be driving more safely than many other road users.

It's never unreasonable to worry about our children, just unreasonable to let that worry stop them growing up.

I struggled with longer journeys for at least six months after passing my test and I'm grown up! At 17 I would also worry. My younger brother was not allowed to carry more than one passenger for the first two years at 17. It was part of his insurance as well as being a rule given by parents and a sensible one as passengers cause distractions, even more so if they are none drivers. On your shoes op I would be saying no.

I don't think YABU. My DM wouldn't let me go in a car with anyone who'd been driving less than a year when I was a teenager. She was very relaxed about the usual teenage vices - alcohol, sex, night's out etc, but young drivers were her "thing". A few years later the daughter of one of her friends was killed whilst being driven by a 17 year old

dh is adamant she can't go

weird really as he used to do exactly the same thing when he was 17

I lived in London so didn't learn until I was older.

Very ageist. I know plenty of people who passed at 17 and were good drivers. I also know plenty of people who are in their 40s and are shocking and very dangerously. what age would the driver have to be for you to feel comfortable?

four teens in a car ends up, all too often, as four flowers on a tree. Doesn't mean that this will (and I sincerely hope note) but it is not unreasonable to ask questions, such as 'can they have fun without drinking?' 'is he a sheep that will be egged on by his mates or does he have a brain?'

and will the new insurance be sorted, with the consequent colossal price increase?

YANBU. I would worry too. However, a person is no more likely to have a crash the day after she passes, than she is to crash after a month, or 6 months.

As you said, just get her to text you when she gets there.

no no a thousand times no.
Driving with friends (no doubt music on, chatting) is very different than being able to correctly meet the standards of a driving test in that environment. It isn't insulting to the driver, they just need to clock up a lot more miles before they have the experience for that kind of jaunt.

It's not ageist! It is the most common age to have a RTA. That is a fact.

weird really as he used to do exactly the same thing when he was 17

yes, I can see how that might not help the situation much.

I would worry too and that would be because of my experiences as a teenager getting into a car full of friends with a newly qualified driver at the wheel.

Also they might drink on the beach - don't know this for sure, but well - teenagers. I am worried dd will be too embarrassed to say anything

Say no, OP. Fuck it - I would say no too. Your kid, your worry, etc. We don't know the child and the individual circumstances here do matter. What you've just said above would clinch it for me.

I wouldn't allow my DD to go on such a trip just after the driver has passed their test. Not sure where I'd draw the line though!

from BRake charity website

"Carrying passengers

Research shows that peer pressure can encourage bad driving and result in drivers ‘showing off’ to their passengers and taking more risks. 16-17 year-old drivers are up to four times more likely to die in a crash when carrying young passengers than when driving alone, but 62% less likely when carrying older adult passengers, indicating it is peer pressure rather than simply the presence of passengers that raises the risk [26]. Young passengers can also cause distraction: teenage drivers are six times more likely to have a serious incident when there is loud conversation in the vehicle [27]."

After DD passed I spent 3 months hand wringing every time she went through the door. She was off to Blackpool within a week of passing.
I felt a little better for the fact she had a black box in her car and she'd often proudly show me her scores which were always good. Most insurance has black boxes now for teens and I think it does have some effect on their driving, not in the least because some offer cash incentive off their next premium.

17 is a bloody horrible age for us parents I think, it's difficult to accept they are adults and know when to step back.

A friend of mine crashed a week after passing his test (at 17).

I was in the car with a newly passed driver when I was 16, and he aquaplanned round a roundabout in the rain, couldn't control the vehicle. We were ok though.

Another newly passed driver, in their car, was driving too fast (I was 17), tried to race another car for fun, until I screamed at him to slow down...further up we came to an accident. It was the car we had raced. Upside down.

How much control you have over your 17 year old getting in the car, not much. But I would be very worried, and would make my feelings clear.

My kids know about my experiences (been in a car crash, and brother in a serious car crash, school friend died in a crash) they are already saying they wouldn't get in a car with a new driver or bad driver, 17 year old or 47 year old.

Sorry that's no help. I do get your worry though.

If you showed your DD the statistics that show how newly qualified male drivers are at a higher rate of a high impact crash, especially in a full car, would she reconsider the decision?

I'm going to beg her not to go tonight.

If she ignores me there is absolutely nothing I can do, I am not around on Sunday so if her friend arrives to pick her up then ...

I passed my test, a short time after my 17th birthday. I'd had lessons, and spent every available minute with my dad getting my clutch control good and parallel parking spot on.
I drove every day, as much as possible, after passing my test. I wasn't unreliable or immature.

Higher risk

Tell DD if he drinks its ok to call you and you will fetch her and she wont get in trouble.

No way known.

My reasoning is the same as crocodile's. Nothing to do with the age of the driver or my perceptions of his level of sense. But heading out for an hour with three other people in the car only two days after passing your test is asking far too much of yourself (I'm obviously thinking of the lad driving here). I would say the same to anyone. It's too much distraction.

I don't mind all night parties, drinking, sex and I am hoping drugs aren't around but I am sensible about them too.

This just seems madly dangerous.

I can't come and collect her. I am taking another dc to something about 100 miles away!

I could say I will book and pay for a taxi for her I suppose even though it will cost about £60

It's not just the driver drinking though, if the passengers are drunk they will be likely to act drunk - more risky behaviour being even more distracting. I'm surprised to find that parents have no control over what a 17 year old does. Don't you still provide them with money, lifts, pay their phone etc? Lots of ways to exercise some (reasonable) control over what they do.

On the upside he may not pass his test?