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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say NO to newly qualified driver taking dd and friends out for the day?

261 replies

frenboop · 14/06/2017 11:36

dd (17) has a friend who is taking his driving test today. She says if he passes he is driving them (three teens) to the beach (approx 1 hours drive away) on Sunday.

AIBU to say absolutely no way??

OP posts:
MaidenMotherCrone · 14/06/2017 19:01

StarHeartDiamond. In most circumstances I would agree wholeheartedly. Most would have someone to turn to in such a situation. My DC's had me and a host of other adults to contact, like your DC, many don't, many would turn to friends first for fear of their parents etc finding out what they had been up to.

In my son's case it was the poor girls mother ( who didn't drive, had a severely disabled child in her care and no other support) who asked my son for help.

Original poster
frenboop · 14/06/2017 20:51

So did I tent

I have no problem with anyone driving anywhere. I don't particularly want my dd getting in a car with someone who has just passed their test and driving for a day out with a group of friends.

I don't see what driving a long way to pick up a car has to do with it, it's patently not the same situation.

I think it's odd that people think I have a low opinion of my dds friends. Fwiw, her bf, who would have been with her, is lovely, kind, intelligent and thoughtful. The guy doing the driving is also funny and polite, deffo a party animal, but perhaps that won't carry over to his attitude on the road. However, I am realistic about how sensible groups of teens are, particularly when they are tasting freedom for the first time...

The guy driving to rescue someone? Sounds lovely of him but again totally not the same situation

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 15/06/2017 09:35

Quite surprised by the outrage on here when a parent expressed concern over a newly qualified, inexperienced driver in a high risk group taking a car full of friends on a long trip on unfamiliar roads.

Because of course teenagers never get overexcited in the company of peers and behave more riskily than they would alone or with family members.

Piratesandpants · 15/06/2017 09:39

Pickle - well said.

Hont1986 · 15/06/2017 10:01

If he had only just passed his driver's test, then would he even have ever driven on a motorway? I thought learners weren't allowed on them.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 15/06/2017 17:41

If he had only just passed his driver's test, then would he even have ever driven on a motorway? I thought learners weren't allowed on them

Learner drivers aren't allowed on them, but qualified drivers are. Meaning that the day you pass your test you can legally drive on the motorway, regardless of whether you've had any training or additional lessons or not.

EyeHalveASpellingChequer · 15/06/2017 17:44

I don't particularly want my dd getting in a car with someone who has just passed their test and driving for a day out with a group of friends.

If he can't drive safely on a public road then he won't have passed his test.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/06/2017 17:48

He didn't pass his test with excited teens, screeching, playing music and generally being distracting. You only learn to drive properly once passing your test.

disneykid · 15/06/2017 17:54

If they've passed their test surely they're good enough at driving places. YABU.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/06/2017 18:13

And yet insurers disagree hence ridiculously high insurance for teens.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 15/06/2017 21:21

Disney there is no requirement for a minimum number of lessons. There is no requirement to have lessons with a qualified instructor. Do you honestly think that a 40 minute practical test is sufficient to take into account:

Poor weather conditions
Driving at night
Driving when tired or distracted and learning to remain focused
Driving on motorways - which learners are not allowed to do

All of the above are things that learner drivers commonly DON'T encounter when taking lessons.

As Dame says, the insurer data bears out the experience - which is that young and newly qualified drivers are far more likely to crash, injure themselves, their passengers and occupants of other vehicles that they crash into. That's why the premiums are so expensive - they are based on claims stats.

Original poster
frenboop · 17/06/2017 08:49

Just updating to say he failed his test anyway! Dd said she was surprised as 'he said he was an amazing driver' not that dd is naive or anything!

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 17/06/2017 09:01

Oh shame,next time! What did he fail on?

I would talk to him now about rules/ expectations for when he does pass so it's not a battle then.

OhhBetty · 17/06/2017 09:11

From your most recent update good drivers can still fail first time. Tests are harder and harder to pass, much harder than when you did yours I would bet! They also have a certain number of people they have to fail as well. It's not kind to be happy that someone failed their test Hmm

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 17/06/2017 09:14

Who's happy that someone failed their test? Confused

CrawlingNotRunning · 17/06/2017 09:18

I took friends for a drive to a shopping centre a couple of days after passing my test. However:

I was really sensible

I didn't have motorways or busy A roads to go on to get there.

It was many years ago and traffic was lighter!

EllaHen · 17/06/2017 09:35

YANBU

I know the trip has been cancelled but your worry was justified.

This thread has given an insight into the socialisation of boys into entitled men. When faced with overwhelming evidence that young men are dangerous drivers, many Mums jump in to say that it just isn't so.

I'm genuinely shocked and disappointed. However, I suppose it makes sense (and may explain mil threads).

I have a son by the way. He won't be driving his mates at 17 as a newly qualified driver.

MachineBee · 17/06/2017 09:44

My DD had an accident where she was stationary waiting to turn right into a line of slow traffic and a motorcycle jumped the lights at speed and crashed into her car at the driver's door point and flipped straight over the top of her car.

She had just passed her test that week and it was 9.15am. Her phone call and the sight of her being breathalysed (std procedure) was awful. Motorcyclist was OK (but did try to claim whiplash injuries and thousands for top of range bike hire from her 4 years later Hmm).

DD was also fine (and sober Halo) but very shaken. Police officer got me to go with her in my car (DD driving) on a route with lots of right hand turns, straightaway. Best advice as it could have put her off driving completely. Instead it made her realise how easily accidents happen and she is an amazing driver now.

OwlsinTowls · 17/06/2017 09:52

To be fair, my partner is doing his driving lessons now at the age of 25, and I STILL don't think I'm going to get in the car with him if he passes...

OhhBetty · 17/06/2017 10:04

It just slightly read that to me Smile

picklemepopcorn · 17/06/2017 11:27

Oh, the irony!

LightastheBreeze · 17/06/2017 11:50

A few people seemed to be hoping the young man failed his test including the OP. Not very nice....

Confusedandintrigued · 17/06/2017 12:49

Op have you asked yourself how she knows that he is an "amazing driver"?

dancerdog · 17/06/2017 12:50

When I passed my driving test (age 31) on first sitting, the examiner said that this is just the beginning; now, you really learn to drive. I took that to mean that good driving comes from experience, learning from all the things that happen to you on the road, the near misses, some my own, some from others, that you need to be able to call on all you learn over the years to help you to be a good driver.

I realise it is a moot point now, but I do not think it would have been wise for young man to have undertaken the hour-long journey.

My 18 year old son just failed his test for the 2nd time last week. His instructor has told him that he is a really good driver. But he failed - on really basic stuff of mirror, signal, manoeuvre. I think that he is a really good learner, and as a young over-confident guy, thinks he is a really good driver, if you see what I mean.

LightastheBreeze · 17/06/2017 13:05

Some young drivers do give the impression they are very good as they are over confident, I'm guessing the DD got this from that. My DS was the exact opposite, very nervous, hated driving, passed his test third time and has never driven since, we had to persuade him to carry on with lessons in case he needed a car for work. He says if he does ever get a car he will have some refresher lessons to build his confidence, so not all boys are over confident drivers.

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