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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say NO to newly qualified driver taking dd and friends out for the day?

261 replies

frenboop · 14/06/2017 11:36

dd (17) has a friend who is taking his driving test today. She says if he passes he is driving them (three teens) to the beach (approx 1 hours drive away) on Sunday.

AIBU to say absolutely no way??

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 14/06/2017 12:54

Why is it not worth anything? He wants to do it. He hasn't been on a motorway yet as he is going to have a few motorway lessons after his exams first.

He drives a 24 mile round trip to school so getting lots of experience.

Maybe your DD needs some better male friends.

Idratherhaveacupoftea · 14/06/2017 13:00

He hasn't passed yet, hopefully he won't.

MatildaTheCat · 14/06/2017 13:01

I would say no, not yet. New driver needs to practise driving independently in a calm environment and gradually building up to longer trips and driving passengers. A car full of teens on a day trip? Hardly likely to be calm and easy to concentrate.

Who cares if it makes you look unreasonable? It's your DC in a car with a bunch of teens. So many bad accidents involve young, inexperienced drivers with young passengers. It's avoidable harm IMO.

I would refuse both as the parent of the driver and the passenger.

upperlimit · 14/06/2017 13:02

Maybe your DD needs some better male friends

I think you are being very over defensive.

It's great that your ds is a sensible driver. Even better if he's not carting around a car full of over excitable teenagers.

But statistics show that this is a risky set-up for driving.

CrewsInn · 14/06/2017 13:03

No no no no. I don't care what anyone says about treating them as adults new teenage drivers should not take passengers.
Mine were not allowed to drive friends until they had been driving for six months nor did I let them take lifts with friends who were new drivers.

LightastheBreeze · 14/06/2017 13:05

I can't believe that people are hoping a young man is not going to pass his test because someone's DD might go in the car as a passenger.

user1495025590 · 14/06/2017 13:06

YANBU
there are regularly tragedies involving groups of teens dying in road accidents.the boy is likely to be showing off in front of te girls too- going too fast, losing concentration.

user1471518295 · 14/06/2017 13:07

I would not be happy. A newly qualified driver with friends - they are teenagers, excited, and unlikely to be sitting quietly with their hands in their laps making polite conversation. And this weekend? It will be hell because of the good weather. Personally, I would do everything I could to stop my offspring from going on this particular trip.

AngelaTwerkel · 14/06/2017 13:07

"Mine were not allowed to drive friends until they had been driving for six months nor did I let them take lifts with friends who were new drivers."

In the country in from new drivers aren't allowed to take passengers for a year. Far better idea that allows new drivers to consolidate skills without distraction and have the novelty of driving knocked out of them.

CrewsInn · 14/06/2017 13:08

Frankly who cares whether people think you are unreasonable. You should probably have set some ground rules before the test so she couldn't have made plans but it's not too late.
Passing a test is only the start. Learning to drive with distractions is a whole different thing.
As someone has already said there is a roadside memorial near us where 4 teens died.

CrewsInn · 14/06/2017 13:09

In the country in from new drivers aren't allowed to take passengers for a year. Far better idea that allows new drivers to consolidate skills without distraction and have the novelty of driving knocked out of them
Yes that's where I got the idea is it Ireland?

PurpleWithRed · 14/06/2017 13:12

My kids weren't allowed to drive anyone at all in their cars until they'd had a couple of months experience after their tests, and then for a few more months one person only. Most of their friends' families adopted the same stance, it was discussed right from the first lesson and the kids all understood and accepted it as part of the deal. But it would have been very hard to impose after the test.

Justaboy · 14/06/2017 13:12

No you are not being unreasonable, far from it.

It's past time that the driving test was upgraded into a part that will let you drive unaccompanied and a second part that will then let you take passengers. A sort of time interval needs adopting or rather a means of counting the hours experience you have on the road like in a way you do for aircraft piloting.

My DD2 recently passed the test but at my insistence she had a while with me accompanying her to polish up her driving skills. About now shes running around town and a bit the country with one mate on board maybe in a while she could do a trip to the coast.

However just passing your test which is not that stringent anyway then being permitted to take young friends miles to an unknown destination location is bloody irresponsible on the driver and parents concerned.

Original poster
frenboop · 14/06/2017 13:14

Frankly I couldn't care less if mothers of 17 year old boys want to get defensive over this.

OP posts:
ToastDemon · 14/06/2017 13:16

YANBU at all. There are reasons why some countries don't allow young, newly qualified drivers to take passengers.
They are responsible for a disproportionate rate of fatal accidents. The sensible, risk judging part of the brain is physically not there at 17.

VestalVirgin · 14/06/2017 13:16

YANBU.

You know the boy, we don't. If you think it is not safe, then it probably isn't.

Especially when it is possible that this boy drinks alcohol and your daughter might be too embarrassed to say anything. Besides, even if she does say something, she has no guarantee she'll be listened to. She has no other way of getting home.

The plan is idiotic in the first place. Doing a one hour drive with people in the car as the first time he drives on his own?

No responsible adult would ever plan to do such a thing.

Screwinthetuna · 14/06/2017 13:16

YANBU for worrying as i'd be worried too.

4merlyknownasSHD · 14/06/2017 13:17

If they are going on the motorway, I would say that your daughter shouldn't go until the new driver's parents have taken him out on the motorway and are comfortable with his ability.
If they are not going on the motorway, I think you have to let her go. It might be worth considering speaking to the lad and reminding him that he is driving YOUR precious daughter.

HotelEuphoria · 14/06/2017 13:20

As someone whose DD (age 19) had three (minor) accidents in her first year of driving and whose DS had one (as did most of his friends) you are most definitely not being unreasonable.

I can picture the scene now, four squashed into a Peugeot 108 or similar, music up loud, laughing and joking, distractions ...

Nah. I wouldn't let mine either be driven or be the driver. Becoming a good and responsible driver goes with time and experience not a pink licence.

ajandjjmum · 14/06/2017 13:20

My 17 yo DD and DS passed their tests within a couple of months of their respective birthdays.

Our rule was always that they were only allowed to drive with one additional person in the car for the first 6 months. As far as I know, they respected this.

The whole feel of a car changes when there are more people in the back, and any new driver has to get used to this - preferably without one of my DC being part of the process!

YANBU

kali110 · 14/06/2017 13:20

My bf passed at 17/18 ( cant remember now) and he used to drive me the 40 minutes home several times a week. We'd go yo places at the weekend with friends.
He never drunk anything if he was driving.
Just because they're young doesn't mean they will Hmm

VoteMe · 14/06/2017 13:23

It would be a no from me and I'm usually quite relaxed. It's distracting driving with a car full of teens at the best of times. If you are a new driver then you really need to concentrate.

The fact that the friend thinks it's ok shows that they are over confident.

Sparklingbrook · 14/06/2017 13:25

I'll leave you to it I think.

HotelEuphoria · 14/06/2017 13:28

Oh god just remembered!

When DS was 17 (now 23) his best friend passed his test, quite soon after his turned 17. So off they went (I didn't know) for a drive round early one evening in November in a classic Mini. Four of them, DS's friend took it up on the hills and narrow country roads, slipped on ice or cow poo or a ditch or just drove it badly, and rolled it over onto its bonnet and they were all trapped upside down. The front two (driver and DS) were smaller and got out, they had to smash the windows to get the two taller boys out of the back.

The car, was a write off. All four were fortunately unhurt apart from a few cuts from the glass.

upperlimit · 14/06/2017 13:28

Yes, of course, not all young male drivers come to harm or drive dangerously, that's hardly the point Hmm

Driving is only of the legally riskiest things that we do in our society. We KNOW that newly qualified drivers are most at risk, we KNOW young men are most at risk, we KNOW that the risks increase with the number of passengers.