to say NO to newly qualified driver taking dd and friends out for the day?

[frenboop]

dd (17) has a friend who is taking his driving test today. She says if he passes he is driving them (three teens) to the beach (approx 1 hours drive away) on Sunday.

AIBU to say absolutely no way??

It might be worth considering speaking to the lad and reminding him that he is driving YOUR precious daughter.

What use would that be? I don't think OP can install a camera to watch how he drives.

So if he drives recklessly, gets drunk, and nothing happens, he doesn't have to fear any punishment.

And if he does have an accident, there's a chance he'll be dead and not available for punishment.

If we assume that he doesn't plan to have an accident in which is friends die and he survives, the precautions he takes to avoid being yelled at by a grieving mother won't be any more efficient than the ones he takes to avoid his death by car crash.
In short, if he does not fear death, he does not fear OP's anger.

That would be different if she could punish him for driving recklessly even if he does not have an accident, but even finding out that he drank alcohol will be hard unless she's a police officer.

YANBU, in my view boys should not be driving until they are at least 21. Most of them are far too immature and show off. Yes I'm being sexist but the statistics don't lie - young girls have far fewer accidents than young boys. And yes, they usally take their friends with them when they kill themselves.

My neighbours have two sons who are about 18 and 20. They regularly tear down our road with music blaring, doing handbrake turns in our cul-de-sac. I have no idea if they know their sons do that.

But I am glad that I do not have a dd, or indeed a ds, who goes out in the car with them!

The only thing I would say is that I had a "friend" at school who was a massive show-off. However, I did get in a car with him the day he passed his test and he drove really carefully and sensibly. A week later, once he'd started to get used to it all, not so much, and the handbrake turns started. So immediately after the test might be ok.

YANBU at all.

You need a little bit more practice before taking friends away an hour from home, what are his parents thinking to let him!

Having been a teenage girl with an older and very immature brother with immature friends, I understand your concern. One friend used to drive his car with brother, me and a friend inside (no seat belts) and skid his 2cv around, handbrake turns. A car liable to flip btw. It was bloody frightening. Both he, my brother and his friend had crashes within a couple of years of passing their tests. Brother ended up upside down in a ditch. Drunk. His friend saw what happened, came to rescue him (also drunk) and put his car in the hedge just down the road. The other friend used to drive down the centre of the carriageway in a 60mph limit and carve out a third lane on a road, which could never accommodate 3 lanes - quite a few people did this back then. The speed limit these days is 40mph and it has diagonal hatching along the entire length of the road.

I'm not trying to say that this young man will act like this. The sort of really stupid driving I saw was an 80's phenomenon and policing is a lot stricter and the public much more likely to report driving to the police. I also think most young men are a bit more sensible these days too because they have had to pass a theory test so they know the rules, which will have created better knowledge and more respect of other drivers.

It is an hour away, which isn't that far. And he possibly won't yet have this stupid level of confidence I'm describing. This doesn't usually happen for a couple of weeks until someone learns the limits of the car and how to throw it around. I think instead of banning her, perhaps having a discussion about it would be a better way forward. Can you get the other parents involved? Talk to the friend? Or perhaps suggest that he takes her out for a drive somewhere in the next couple of days to see for herself what his driving is like. Tell her not to explain why she'd like to go for a spin. If he acts sensibly, you will be reassured and if not, then perhaps she will be put off.

She's 17 so it's a toughie to ban her especially as you won't be around. My dd isn't anywhere near this age but I think it is probably much better to give her the tools to protect herself as best she can and if you get her on side, she's much more likely to do it.

YANBU. Absolutely positively and definitely not.

This accidenthappened near where I have friends and family. The road is incredibly dangerous but doesn't initially look it, because it's not until you are actually in the bends that you realise how sharp they are and how much you need to slow down to maintain control. It's a national speed limit carriageway and what looks like a nice long stretch for overtaking can be deceptively short.

The accident was tragic and a horrendous illustration of what can happen when an inexperienced driver mixes lack of judgement with a desire to show off. The two teenage girls in the back were trapped when the car caught fire and despite people trying to help they couldn't get to the girls in time. He also wiped out the family - Mum, Dad and son - in the other car.

Knowing what I know about how it affected people - who were there at the time and who knew the victims - there is no way on God's earth I would put teenage passengers on their own with a newly qualified teenage driver.

I think internally I'd be saying NO! And maybe explaining why it's a bad idea to dd. But realistically if you say no, I'd expect her to turn around and say stop me.

Is there not a drinking ban for newly qualified drivers in the UK. Where I am there's a year of restrictions. No alcohol, lower speed limits and double points on your licence for any rule breaking.

It's the only thing that saves my sanity when DS (passed in February) takes my car out with his mates.

Having said that, I would be contacting the driver's parents and asking for certain reassurances. At 17 he is still under their parental guidance.

Sorry, I missed the question mark after my first sentence.

Is there not a drinking ban for newly qualified drivers in the UK?

I really wish the UK had probationary driver restrictions in the same way that Australia does (or at least some Australian states do). New young drivers are banned from carrying more than one 'peer passenger' (aged 16-22), must have zero blood alcohol, can't drive certain types of car (powerful ones etc). Very sensible.

www.vicroads.vic.gov.au/licences/your-ps/p1-and-p2-probationary-licence-restrictions

I would not want to let my DC travel in a car full of teenagers the day after one of them has passed their test.

It's my (totally unscientific) opinion that a lot of new drivers have bumps within the first 6 months.

Even though I passed first time, I still managed to negotiate some manoeuvres badly, namely reversing badly under pressure from passenger in car (it was entirely a unsuitable place to reverse, think busy road) and not judging a gap in the traffic adequately. Again, under pressure to make a move.

Fortunately only bumps to the car both times because at least I didn't drive with speed. But passengers can definitely influence new drivers past their experience level. It's experience that gives you really good judgement and that only comes with time. Little things like if you're waiting at a junction and a car is approaching indicating they are turning right (ie down your road) waiting fod them to actually slow down and start to turn before proceeding yourself. Some drivers forget they have their indicator on. Do they specifically teach that in driving tests these days?

Otoh I went in many a sixth form friends car, newly passed, with no problems.

Does the journey involve motorways and how much motorway experience does this lad have. I'd really want to know that

YANBU!

Is there not a drinking ban for newly qualified drivers in the UK. Where I am there's a year of restrictions.

There are laws against driving drunk, too. People just do it anyway.

I know someone who depends on his car to do his job. And he still broke the law again and again until his license was taken away.

The effectiveness of laws is very limited. I'd rely on my own judgement of the boy's character.
His parents will massively overestimate his skill and his sense. No use to ask them.

That Scottish collision was caused, says the article , by crossing a solid white line. He will be long back on the road by now.

No dangerous roads, just lethal drivers.

crocodilesoup I'm surprised to find that parents have no control over what a 17 year old does. Don't you still provide them with money, lifts, pay their phone etc? Lots of ways to exercise some (reasonable) control over what they do.

I agree. I realise there is not a lot a parent can do to physically prevent a 17 year old from leaving the house and doing what they want but within the teen boards here, there are a huge amount of parents who act as if turning 16 is some magical age where young people should have complete autonomy over their lives and the parents who clothe/house/feed/support them ought never to exercise parental concern or expect their child to live by any rules from that day forward.

It would be a no from me too. It should be against the law for new drivers to carry more than one passenger just after they pass their test. In fact - I thought it was.

I would not like it either.

A 17 year old (boy or girl) who you know to be silly, in a car of over-excited teens larking around? Not great. It's easy enough for a much more experienced driver to be distracted in a car full of friends jabbering away.

There have been many really horrible traffic accidents that I have come across here in the US. They usually involve inexperienced teen drivers (boys and girls) driving groups of friends around. They aren't necessarily showing off, but they get distracted and end up in the wrong lane or take a bend too quickly and go off the road.

I wouldn't feel happy about this. I also did a trip with a recently passed male driver and another friend when we were about 18. We were inches away from a definite fatal accident when he overtook a slow car and a lorry was coming the other way. I called my mum to give me and other friend a lift home as we didn't feel safe having him drive us back.

If she wants to go to the beach I'd say let him drive 1 friend and her get the train with others. Most drivers learn how to pass their test, only when on the road without an instructor sat next to them is when they actually learn to drive.

Some US states have laws that teens who have passed the driving test are not allowed to drive more than one passenger around unless someone over the age of 21 is in the car with them. This holds for the first 6 months after passing the test.

I think this is an indicator of how dangerous a newly qualified driver chauffeuring a group of teens around is.

YANBU, in my view boys should not be driving until they are at least 21.

Then it's as well you're not a law-maker.

Most of them are far too immature and show off.

Most of them? Most males aged 17 to one day under 21 are immature and show off? I would love to see some evidence that substantiates this.

I actually think that the OP is not BU in this case, but attitudes and sweeping generalisations like this make me .

As mum to a seventeen yr old boy and a 21 yr old, I wouldn't have let mine drive their mates until they had more experience. Certainly not on a longer, less familiar route.

So OP is ok with underage drinking but not a daylight car ride with friends?

I think alot of PP on here need to get a grip. Most driving lessons/tests are 1-1.5hr long, so asking this lad to undertake a 1hr journey with a 1hr return leg later in the day is hardly the arduous life-threatening death ride a lot of ppl are making it out to be.

I would be cautious to take advise of ppl whos own driving abilities and choice of friends are clearly questionable given most have either themselves or have friends/children who have been involved in RTA at that age.

Most of them? Most males aged 17 to one day under 21 are immature and show off?

Yep- pretty much in my experience.

I think it depends on the boy. My DS drove 200 miles to Cornwall just days after passing his test but I trusted him to be sensible.

What a load of ignorant bollocks user.

I can't believe that people are hoping a young man is not going to pass his test because someone's DD might go in the car as a passenger

Neither can I. Got to protect the girls though

Oh get over yourself. I don't care whether he passes or fails, but failing would neatly solve my problem for a few weeks at least!

would be cautious to take advise of ppl whos own driving abilities and choice of friends are clearly questionable given most have either themselves or have friends/children who have been involved in RTA at that age
Do you realise how offensive that remark is? Because two friends of mine died as teenagers (and several more suffered non-fatal accidents) I chose bad friends? Fuckwit.