to say NO to newly qualified driver taking dd and friends out for the day?

[frenboop]

dd (17) has a friend who is taking his driving test today. She says if he passes he is driving them (three teens) to the beach (approx 1 hours drive away) on Sunday.

AIBU to say absolutely no way??

I think it's not a great idea to make a one hours journey to the beach on on of the hottest days within days of getting a license. I remember my first trip as a new driver and I did panic several times when there was a lot of traffic. It sounds to me like he is shooing off and I'd worry he would have a dink too.

Yes I am sure I can put my foot down with sanctions but just wanted to check whether I was BU.

I have had a good idea andsuggested she invite mates round to hang out in the garden at ours while we are not there all day

Absolutely not.

I know she is a young adult, but there is no way I would want my child in a car full of friends with an inexperienced driver behind the wheel going on busy roads.

I was involved in a car crash, I was actually driving, with a bunch of people in the car about a year after I passed my text. I was not speeding, there was no music, or banter as it was late at night, but I was on a notorious bit of road, hit a pothole, and did not have the experience to correct the car.

Thankfully no one was hurt, but I shudder to think about it.

The point is, this is not about silliness, it is about experience and ability.

I would worry and I'd make my feelings clear to my dd, especially as I imagine a boy could be even more likely to show off in front of female friends than male friends. A driving test only demonstrates you're a safe driver for around 30 mins of test routes you've likely practised umpteen times with your instructor. Real learning occurs once you've passed your test and driving using your own judgement not someone sitting next to you telling you what to do. Does he have a car and insurance sorted? Because its unlikely he will go from passing his test to driving straight away, it may take a while to find a good insurance deal which more than likely will involve having a black box fitted.

apparently he already has his own car

really hoping she goes for the friends round option

I also agree with the people who say that he will probably vastly overestimate his ability.

Driving round his own town with a parent or instructor is completely different from driving an hour each way.

Say she can go with him when he's done the trip a few times.

'Fraid I'd try and dissuade her. There's so much that can overwhelm a new driver on their own let alone the distraction of chatty passengers, phones etc.

Tell her the importance of wearing her seat belt, explain people become a bit " Overexcited" when they pass their test and might get carried away and to keep herself safe

Safest thing is to not go until the driver has at least a few months experience.

Having friends round also lets her save face rather than saying she isn't allowed to go. The teenagers at my school who sadly died in their car were on a beer run from a party, so watch out for that too.

I'm afraid you really have to put your foot down.

He sounds like an idiot. Your DD has the choice to put herself in a potentially dangerous situation. She will not see it that way, so you have to.

When our kids passed their tests we encouraged (can't absolutely control) them to consider the impact of distractions from passengers whist they were getting used to driving without supervision. We also encouraged them to consider whose cars they got in as passengers and avoid drivers they felt were reckless or potentially dangerous.

At 17 you should be giving guidance and encouraging them to think sensibly for themselves. Mandating should be reserved for only the most extreme situations. They are young adults, not children.

I don'tknow him well, but when he came round here once he was the loudest and the most drunk

My friend had a policy that her children could only drive fellow family members for the first month after they passed their test. They also had to use P plates. After a month they were allowed to drive their friends. It demonstrated that the parents trusted newly qualified driver child by allowing them to transport their siblings but gave a little confidence building period before being at risk of mates trying to persuade them to take risks or show off.

I agree, YANU to be very concerned, it's a high risk situation .

I'd be working hard to persuade her not to go and offer attractive alternative.

Frenboop
I'd be exactly the same
I think you've come up with a great alternative
Fingers crossed he fails!

I think lots of new drivers are more careful now due to the new 'probation' laws which mean 6 points within 2yrs and you lose your license and also cost of insurance, you don't want an accident or points to increase already astronomical insurance premiums. However he'd be a lot better getting some experience under his belt, on his own, before undertaking a trip to the beach with friends.

If he passes, and she's desperate to go, I'd drive her there and spend day at a completely different part of the beach with my younger child.

Personally I don't understand why the parent of the newly passed driver isn't putting a stop to this. They are BU in my opinion.

I wouldn't let my son drive his mates around on long journey's when he first passed. As a parent who was funding at least some of his driving, I would be putting my foot down.

If I were you I'd be worried too and probably try and talk my DD out of it.

I would allow it, but only if I could be on standby to collect if needed.

Say on the way there he seems to be a bad driver, or they arrive and start drinking, I would ask DD to text me an X. I would then call and invent some reason for collecting her later instead of her driving home with the newly qualified boy.

I know it's an hour away, but at least then I would be less worried

blinkyblink I am leaving the house at 6.30am on Sunday and driving to a completely different part of the country, not back until late. So am not around to chauffeur

Holz
You actually seriously think we are being ageist.

Ridiculous. Just ridiculous. Along with being argumentative.

It is a fact that 17-24 year old men are involved in more car crashes than any other age group. FACT

Oh shame.
In that case, fingers crossed he fails and if he doesn't and they still want to go to the beach, personally is out my foot down and she wouldn't go.

Somewhere..Australia maybe? Had a law about passengers in the car until the driver is older as it is most dangerous age. I think yanbu to massively go on at her about the risks etc and try the bribe route. Sanctions might be too far unless you sense she would actually like an excuse not to go because you have scared her silly!!

I'm learning at the moment and there is no way I would do this right after my test. I am looking forward to a few long journeys on my own first.

The thing I would worry about is that after an hour of journey I am pretty tired. I wouldn't want to be driving all that way back after a day out. But then I'm not 17...

What are the roads like on the journey? Is it a familiar route? Are there any complicated roundabouts?

No - on so many levels. I come from a rural background. Everyone learnt to drive when they were 17. Boys with their own cars were a liability. In general people are more careful when it's their parents car they are driving. I'm surprised I didn't die a few times. There were quite a few serious accidents and a fatality. And there is no way when you're in there you can stop them driving like an idiot. The more you beg them to be careful the more they push the limits. You don't want to look like a dick and phone your parents to come get you. They think they're invincible. They think accidents happen to other people. They don't realise that cars are lethal. His parents are bloody idiots letting him do this.