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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not a single reply to invites - should I cancel?

398 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2017 13:10

I moved house recently into a lovely little road of 24 houses. It's a very well established area, and I thought it might be a nice idea to get to meet all the neighbours by inviting them to drinks and tea in the garden on 25th June

Thing is, it's a fortnight now since I put the invitations through the doors and I've not had even one reply (I've not upset them, honest ... I haven't been here long enough, even if I'd wanted to Wink)

I absolutely get that folk are busy and that not everyone RSVP's these days, but since I've not had even one reply I'm wondering if I should just forget the whole thing - I really don't want to decorate the garden, make tea for a crowd and then be sitting here alone

Please can anyone advise the best thing to do?

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 12/06/2017 13:12

Invite some mners instead!!
Bound to make for a better shindig anyway!!Grin

Waltermittythesequel · 12/06/2017 13:12

Well, how will you cancel? By putting another note through the doors?!

I don't know what the solution is. Only buy food and drink that will keep in case nobody comes?

Sorry, OP!

However there's plenty of time for them to still RSVP, and then there are those who never RSVP and turn up anyway!

luckiestgirl · 12/06/2017 13:14

Did you definitely write your phone number down correctly for RSVP's?

AlexandraEiffel · 12/06/2017 13:15

Speak to them? I appreciate you can't speak to them all but in my street I could chat to the older women over the road, who would probably have had conversations with some of the others about it, or if she'd forgotten would then do.

frenchfancy · 12/06/2017 13:15

Invite a couple of good friends that way if nobody comes you won't be on your own.

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2017 13:15

I thought of inviting MNers Justmad, but like I said I don't want to upset the neighbours Grin Grin

Waltermitty I suppose I could cancel by sending round a polite note of regret that there were no takers and signing off with good wishes, but honestly can't make my mind up if that's the best thing to do. It just seems so ridiculous, though, to get everything ready if no-one's bothered about these things

OP posts:
Ginslinger · 12/06/2017 13:17

I cannot understand people who don't RSVP - it's so rude, especially to someone who is new to the area. Is there anyone on the road that you see and could ask directly if they're likely to be coming?

I think I would cancel if people didn't reply but then it becomes complicated when they turn up because they don't think it matters. When did we become so bad mannered? We have umpteen ways of contacting people and yet people still don't reply.

drspouse · 12/06/2017 13:17

Did you definitely write your phone number down correctly for RSVP's?

Even if she didn't - and suppose some of them texted the wrong number - surely they'd realise when it didn't go through and you know, walk round to her house?

I'd wait another week (it's nearly 2 weeks away) and maybe pop round to the nearest/most likely/one you've spoken to most and ask if they got it, is it an inconvenient day. If nobody has replied and they are vague/can't come/CBA, then I'd pop a note through saying "sorry, it seems to be a bad day for everyone, maybe some other time".

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2017 13:19

Yes, the number was definitely correct and I even tucked in a little reply card so anyone who didn't like calling could just push it through my door

I can definitely ask some of the closer people direct, but don't want to sound too pushy. It was originally intended just to be a thing for our street rather than friends, but maybe at this rate I'll have to invite some pals if only to have someone there

OP posts:
TheDuckSaysMoo · 12/06/2017 13:21

Did you ask for an RSVP? My neighbours have a wee bash at new year but we just turn up.

LadyinCement · 12/06/2017 13:22

What a shame.

drspouse has a good idea in buttonholing the nearest neighbour and seeing if you can get the lie of the land from them. Then a follow-up note to all is a very good passive aggressive way of telling them you're disappointed and they're rude so and sos!

My neighbours are very stand offish and it is a pity. I don't want to be bosom buddies, but a friendly wave when you pass appears to be seriously over stepping the mark in their world.

19lottie82 · 12/06/2017 13:23

Unless specifically stated I wouldn't expect to have you RSVP for something like this, I'd just turn up.

WithCheesePlease · 12/06/2017 13:24

Could you invite along a few friends/family so you're not alone, and could have a nice time with them even if only one or two show up? It's kind of awkward because I wouldn't advise calling in to each person as it might put them on the spot.

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2017 13:24

Yes, the invitation said "RSVP" at the bottom ... as Ginslinger said, it does seem a bit rude that nobody's bothered to reply, though it's not my place to dictate what folk should do of course

It just seems such a shame; it was meant to be a nice gesture and a lovely get-together and now I feel a bit as if I'm left swinging in the wind Sad

OP posts:
StarCrossdSkys · 12/06/2017 13:26

If I got your invitation I'd be a bit unsure. I don't know you, I don't know who else is going to be there. It could be really good fun or it might be awful. I wouldn't want to decline as it could be great and I'd be nosy about meeting you. But I'd be wary of accepting too before finding out what others in the street are doing. Go and knock on a few doors, get a few takers then I'm sure momentum will build.

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2017 13:27

I did actually ask a couple of the closest neighbours what they thought of the idea before I went ahead, and they seemed to think it would go down well. Obviously not, though ...

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 12/06/2017 13:27

I suspect people feel it's ages away and they are waiting to see if anything comes up. Not necessarily a better offer but because life is busy.

Sammysquiz · 12/06/2017 13:28

I feel cross on your behalf! They're very rude, especially if you put RSVP cards in. I think you're going to need to speak to people directly & ask if they're coming.

19lottie82 · 12/06/2017 13:28

Oh ok thanks OP. However RSVP still seems a bit formal for drinks and nibbles in the garden? (Still a bit rude for no one to get back to you though!)

As already advised I don't see how you can cancel now. I'm sure people will turn up but as suggested why don't you invite some of your friends over too?

VocalCat · 12/06/2017 13:28

That's really rude of your neighbours. Could you invite some friends or family round as well so you still have your party and if your neighbours come, even better?

Tiredtomybones · 12/06/2017 13:29

Did you ask for a reply by X date? I'm very much the sort who gets an invitation, looks at the calendar - am I free or not? If I am free, do I want to go? And then I reply - usually the same day as receiving the invitation. DSis on the other hand lets things run and run and only replies if pushed. Maybe your neighbours are waiting until nearer the date?

emsyj37 · 12/06/2017 13:29

Did you ask for RSVP? I imagine a lot of people will be very casual about it and show up (or not) based on how they are fixed/feel/the weather on the day.

LadyinCement · 12/06/2017 13:30

Have you seen many of them out and about? Do they look weird? Or are they all young professionals without dcs/very elderly? Nothing against either group, but the ones quite likely to think that going to tea with a random woman who they don't know is, in the case of the former, weird, and in the case of the latter, likely to be life threatening (well, my dm would have thought so, anyway!).

TheAntiBoop · 12/06/2017 13:31

It could be thought of as a bit odd if you haven't met anyone yet and you don't know the lie of the land. Perhaps it's a street if very diverse people that like to keep themselves to themselves. Or maybe there's a massive feud going on. Or there is one neighbour who takes opportunities like this to rant and rave about their UKIP support.

I think it would have been best to pop round to your direct neighbours and introduce yourself. If friendly mention the plan and see what they think.

Vicsteur81 · 12/06/2017 13:31

Hey @Puzzledandpissedoff I did a similar thing with my new neighbours, we didn't get RSVP's until the week before the event. I wouldn't be too worried yet.

Like others have said could be worth have a chat with anyone you see on the street to get a better gauge of the situation.