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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not a single reply to invites - should I cancel?

398 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2017 13:10

I moved house recently into a lovely little road of 24 houses. It's a very well established area, and I thought it might be a nice idea to get to meet all the neighbours by inviting them to drinks and tea in the garden on 25th June

Thing is, it's a fortnight now since I put the invitations through the doors and I've not had even one reply (I've not upset them, honest ... I haven't been here long enough, even if I'd wanted to Wink)

I absolutely get that folk are busy and that not everyone RSVP's these days, but since I've not had even one reply I'm wondering if I should just forget the whole thing - I really don't want to decorate the garden, make tea for a crowd and then be sitting here alone

Please can anyone advise the best thing to do?

OP posts:
anotherdayanothersquabble · 12/06/2017 14:28

speak to the neighbours who thought it was a nice idea and ask them if they are planning to come... if they are, then maybe send a reminder round and ask for confirmation so you are not all fighting over one bag of crisps!! If neighbours who said it was a good idea are not coming, don't send a cancellation note but invite a few friends round and buy some value crisps and a box of wine just in case to offer to anyone who turns up without RSVP'ing while obviously pouring from a bottle and offering posh crisps to your friends. (Obviously I am kidding about the segregation!!)

3luckystars · 12/06/2017 14:30

Give it time!

If you have heard nothing by the day before, they are definitely coming.

LucieLucie · 12/06/2017 14:31

As it's a garden party I bet people are waiting to see what the weather is like nearer the time. Also probably waiting to see who else is going.

It's a lovely idea to get everyone together though

TatianaLarina · 12/06/2017 14:35

I wouldn't send round reminders, that will just annoy people.

I'd just do an open house that day, maybe invite some friends and if any of the neighbours turn up all well and good.

morningconstitutional2017 · 12/06/2017 14:38

I agree with ladyincement, it's a shame that not one person could take the trouble to respond.

I've noticed that these days an RSVP is often ignored - I suspect that it's due to ignorance of what it actually means, plus bad manners. There are some very good suggestions on here but it can take time to break the ice. Good luck.

pinkdelight · 12/06/2017 14:40

I'm with tigerskin, would feel uncomfortable with this. Fair enough if it's a place with a residents' committee and a social scene going on, but just out of the blue hanging out with all the neighbours is weird to me. There could be all kinds of dynamics going on - just look at the parking threads on here! I think you get to know people as you go, not in a forced situation, but then I'm not big into parties anyway. I would probably RSVP though, but feel bad about saying no. So again, it's not necessarily this lovely thing you've done, sorry.

Dancergirl · 12/06/2017 14:40

If I got your invitation I'd be a bit unsure. I don't know you, I don't know who else is going to be there

How sad and suspicious. It's a nice thing to do, why does everyone seem so wary to meet others these days??

We live in a small cul de sac, I know most people, I am friendly to everyone. We have a street party once a year and a moving dinner party in the winter. My children know who to go to in an emergency.

OP, I think it's a lovely thing to do. Not sure what the answer is, I think I would probably knock on a few doors, say hello and ask if they received the invitation.

SilverShapesColors · 12/06/2017 14:41

I think while your intentions were good, you went about it the wrong way. You don't know them and want to 'meet' them for the first time at the party. How do you know that they all know each other well enough to want to get together with others anyway. Basically it's an invite to someone's home you don't even know and might not even know other people well enough.
Why not get to first know them one on one instead?

Maybe cater for nibbles and something low key in case very few turn up. Hope you have a good turnout though!

Dancergirl · 12/06/2017 14:42

but just out of the blue hanging out with all the neighbours is weird to me

That out of the blue hanging out could well result in some good friendships being formed.

I really can't believe some of the attitudes on here.

Dancergirl · 12/06/2017 14:43

Basically it's an invite to someone's home you don't even know and might not even know other people well enough

OMG, going to someone's home who you don't know!!! God, ANYTHING might happen. You might have to make small talk with people you don't know!! Really scary stuff, definitely avoid Grin

SilverShapesColors · 12/06/2017 14:47

Dancer I'm not implying anything dangerous might happenHmmjust that it might be awkward if no one knows anyone well enough and some people just don't want to do small talk and chit chat and that's fine.

EdmundCleverClogs · 12/06/2017 14:48

We live in a small cul de sac, I know most people, I am friendly to everyone. We have a street party once a year and a moving dinner party in the winter. My children know who to go to in an emergency.

Well that's nice for you, but it isn't the case for everyone Hmm. If left in a small gathering with a choice few of my neighbours, undoubtedly someone would end up with a barbecue fork poked into their arse.

29Palms · 12/06/2017 14:49

I too find it difficult to understand why so many people on here seem to despise the thought of actually knowing their neighbours.

I expect some of these people are the ones who end up posting on here when they are in trouble, and have nobody nearby to call on to help them out with a lift to the doctor or whatever.

Dancergirl · 12/06/2017 14:52

Well that's nice for you, but it isn't the case for everyone

Maybe not, but that's largely due to attitudes like these. People being suspicious of a nice gesture, not wanting to chat to people who live in the same road as them. Even if it's a bit awkward, relationships build up from a bit of effort and the results are worthwhile.

Dancergirl · 12/06/2017 14:52

Yes exactly 29palms

MagicMarkers · 12/06/2017 14:52

We had some new American neighbours once and they invited all the neighbours to a party (and everyone went!). It was a really nice evening, but it was funny meeting people for the first time who we'd been living across the road from for years. London, eh?

Your neighbours are being inconsiderate. They can't all be suffering from social anxiety, nerves etc. Surely even the nervous ones could put your reply card through the door in the middle of the night. Loved the post about people not having got over the Battle of Waterloo.

squoosh · 12/06/2017 14:53

MN is introvert central and for some people it seems a friendly advance from a stranger can be interpreted as an nothing more than an intrusion.

stuckinthehouse · 12/06/2017 14:55

Get some drinks and tea in to give people if they turn up but I wouldn't go to lots of effort decorating etc. I often find that it's easier to get to know people over a down-to-earth cuppa and chat rather than putting on a show anyway.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 12/06/2017 14:58

That's a real shame. I would go ahead, keeping it very informal as little effort as possible and get some food in that will keep in case no one turns up.

EdmundCleverClogs · 12/06/2017 14:58

Maybe not, but that's largely due to attitudes like these.

First of all, people are allowed to not want to engage with their neighbours. Secondly, I really do not agree, I think most people who are wary about getting to know their neighbours beyond the odd polite 'hello' have good reasons to be, either because they know they're not the sort of people they get along with, or they're worried about nosy busybodies, people 'asking a favour', or (like in my case), know how some neighbours can just be dicks and best not to engage at all.

OwlStories · 12/06/2017 14:59

It's not about being suspicious of everyone and their gestures, however nice. In my case at least, I'd be likely to decline simply because I have no interest in knowing or socialising with my neighbours. To me, neighbours are just people that live next door, nothing more. If friendships blossom organically throughout the years, great. But I'll not be seeking that out by any chance.

TheCutOfYourJib · 12/06/2017 15:00

It could be because you put your home phone no?
I'd happily text to say I'm coming / not coming but to ring a perfect stranger and make small talk I would struggle with.
I know you put a card in as well and I would perhaps intend to use that but not get round it it, where a text I would quickly send.

BikeRunSki · 12/06/2017 15:05

Are you sure it doesn't coincide with the village fayre, sheep shearing finals, coal carrying race or similar?

PrivatePike · 12/06/2017 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

29Palms · 12/06/2017 15:09

Wel, OP, I think it's clear from some of the replies here that some people are just smug unfriendly cunts.