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Original poster

Not a single reply to invites - should I cancel?

398 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2017 13:10

I moved house recently into a lovely little road of 24 houses. It's a very well established area, and I thought it might be a nice idea to get to meet all the neighbours by inviting them to drinks and tea in the garden on 25th June

Thing is, it's a fortnight now since I put the invitations through the doors and I've not had even one reply (I've not upset them, honest ... I haven't been here long enough, even if I'd wanted to Wink)

I absolutely get that folk are busy and that not everyone RSVP's these days, but since I've not had even one reply I'm wondering if I should just forget the whole thing - I really don't want to decorate the garden, make tea for a crowd and then be sitting here alone

Please can anyone advise the best thing to do?

OP posts:
SilverShapesColors · 12/06/2017 15:10

Dancer you are clearly missing the point that not every one wants to be all pally with their neighbors. I live in a small secured estate, 18 units and we all neighbors are polite to each other, greet and communicate if there's something important. But further than that nobody really wants to get together. That's completely fine.

PrivatePike · 12/06/2017 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdmundCleverClogs · 12/06/2017 15:13

29Palms, 'smug, unfriendly cunts', really? Just because they may or may not want to socialise with their neighbours? Don't go overboard in your thoughts or anything Hmm. I assume you get along with everyone, neighbours, work colleagues, the postman, the guy that runs the corner shop....

Dancergirl · 12/06/2017 15:14

What about community spirit? Suppose someone's burglar alarm goes off or you smell smoke or get locked out or had an accident? What about that elderly neighbour you haven't seen for a while, are they ok? Do people really not give a stuff about other people who live near them? Shock

Dancergirl · 12/06/2017 15:16

edmund you are missing the point. No, not everyone gets along with everyone else or wants to be friends with everyone. But until you try, you won't know will you?

We're talking about a ONE-OFF get-together. If you don't like the neighbours you meet at the party you don't have to bother again. But not even to be on friendly terms with people you live near is very sad.

OwlStories · 12/06/2017 15:19

Dancergirl I think it's very sad when someone doesn't accept that their point of view does not apply to everyone. Besides, you can be on friendly terms with someone and not want to socialise with them. E.g. If I see my neighbour in obvious physical distress I will ask them if they're okay and then call an ambulance for them. That doesn't mean I want to talk to them or know anything about them.

NellieFiveBellies · 12/06/2017 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AntiHop · 12/06/2017 15:30

I think it's a lovely idea and I'd also be annoyed by the lack of response. As pp have suggested I'd invite a couple of friends, buy long life food like crisps, go ahead anyway and see if anyone turns up.

ditzychick34 · 12/06/2017 15:32

Was it obviously an invite and didn't look like yet more political recycling?

CoughingForWeeks · 12/06/2017 15:32

Have you noticed whether any of your new neighbours could be Muslim? Eid is 25th-26th June so they could be making preparations for their own celebrations that day. It'd still be nice if they could let you know though.

I like the suggestion of inviting a few friends anyway. Even if all your neighbours do turn up en masse, it would be handy to have someone there that you already know and like, rather than dealing with a load of strangers on your own. Hope it goes well and that you get decent weather, OP.

SilverShapesColors · 12/06/2017 15:33

Well explained Nellie. We have the same sort of spirit within our complex but further than that no one gets together. Not sure why that's so difficult to understand

youhavetobekidding · 12/06/2017 15:41

I think it's a lovely idea and people may well come along. For an informal event, people don't tend to reply in advance, as they assume you don't need to know exact numbers. I would have long life food eg crisps. Paper cups etc in a cupboard, so you can bring them out if you need them. A small gathering of 10 people could be great fun. You don't need hundreds

sadie9 · 12/06/2017 15:43

I would say they are all waiting until very much closer to the time to see will they be free to go or not, as it's a couple of weeks away. If it sounded like an 'open house/please drop in for a cup of tea between 3 and 6 type of arrangement then that's what I would assume if I were a neighbour. I would most likely go and be delighted to be asked, but I might not send an RSVP, I would just show up on the day.
Or text an answer very much closer to the day.
I'd probably call to the door a couple of days before hand and say I would be going....something like that.
Presume you will get a handful of the neighbours, so invite a couple of other friends and carry on regardless. I bet it will turn out to be a lovely day.

KERALA1 · 12/06/2017 15:46

They will all rock up OP.

rolopolovolo · 12/06/2017 15:48

It's an open house basically. I'm not rsvping for a coffee at a neighbour's house. I'd pop in though. Frankly, I think it's quite rude and presumptuous to do this without actually delivering the invite in person.

Tbh, this seems like it's all a bit self obsessed. Instead of actually knocking on people's doors with a piece of cake and having a nice chat and getting to know them, you are summoning people you haven't even bothered to introduce yourself to and actually demanding they RSVP.

I suggest you remove the poker from up your arse if you don't want to be generally avoided by your poor neighbours.

UrsulaPandress · 12/06/2017 15:49

In think it is exceptionally odd that no one has replied. I'd definitely ask a close neighbour what is going on.

And I think it is a lovely idea.

There is a lady down the road from me who organises an X Lane party every year close to Christmas. My friends who live on an offshoot of the Lane but have the lane in their address get invited and we don't as we live on the corner of X Lane and the main road and our address is X Road. But our garage access if off X Lane as is our back door which we use all the time. It always peeves me that we don't get an invite and I let my dog wee on her bushes

Neighbours eh!

Waltermittythesequel · 12/06/2017 15:56

Give over, rolo!

honeyroar · 12/06/2017 15:57

It doesn't matter whether you hate your other neighbours, are terribly shy, can't be bothered with things like that, see family that day, are a miserable cunt, whatever - it's really rude to not reply -it takes two minutes and stops the OP hanging around in limbo wondering whether to do drinks for five people or 25..

I wouldn't cancel formally, I'd just go out. If anyone told me they'd called I'd say " nobody at all replied and I assumed you all didn't want to know me". You did something nice in inviting them, but I wouldn't be sitting round on the off chance they decided to grace me with their presence at the last minute because they couldn't find anything else to do!

Iris65 · 12/06/2017 15:58

Although it is (should be) a nice gesture it may be perceived as a bit like the behaviour of the Lady of the Manor inviting the folk from the estate. That's not how I think and I could well be wrong, but some people are very sensitive and it only takes one of two to lean on the garden fence, arms folded under ample bosoms and harumph. Or chuckle at airs and graces over a pint.....

Ginslinger · 12/06/2017 15:59

apart from the fact that people can' t be bothered to make small talk or be friendly with strangers for an hour, it is still rude not to reply with a 'no thanks'. If you're inviting the entire street then there's got to be some advance planning, plus inviting 4 weeks ahead gives people a chance to plan things.
But for those who don't make small talk, how do you make friends? Surely it's a bit of idle chat that makes you want to get to know someone better.

ZerbaPadnaTigre · 12/06/2017 15:59

We're talking about a ONE-OFF get-together. If you don't like the neighbours you meet at the party you don't have to bother again.

Very rude to not RSVP but OP is new to the street. No way of knowing what's happened before you move somewhere. They could've already tried socialising several times and decided to not bother again.

Iris65 · 12/06/2017 16:00

If you have ever read or seen Mapp & Lucia you would understand what I mean! Two ladies battling over who is Queen Bee and runs the social calender. Its very funny.

squoosh · 12/06/2017 16:01

Tbh, this seems like it's all a bit self obsessed. Instead of actually knocking on people's doors with a piece of cake and having a nice chat and getting to know them, you are summoning people you haven't even bothered to introduce yourself to and actually demanding they RSVP.

Oh honestly!

squoosh · 12/06/2017 16:01

Oh my God Iris, I love Mapp and Lucia and their one upwomanship on all social matters in Tilling! Grin

Ladymuck · 12/06/2017 16:02

I have to say that I would find it unusual to get an invited from somebody I hadn't met. Depending on how it was worded I might consider it to be a polite way of warning me about a noisy event than an actual invite - ie I'm not really expected to turn up but I can't complain about it because I was actually invited....

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