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Original poster

Not a single reply to invites - should I cancel?

398 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2017 13:10

I moved house recently into a lovely little road of 24 houses. It's a very well established area, and I thought it might be a nice idea to get to meet all the neighbours by inviting them to drinks and tea in the garden on 25th June

Thing is, it's a fortnight now since I put the invitations through the doors and I've not had even one reply (I've not upset them, honest ... I haven't been here long enough, even if I'd wanted to Wink)

I absolutely get that folk are busy and that not everyone RSVP's these days, but since I've not had even one reply I'm wondering if I should just forget the whole thing - I really don't want to decorate the garden, make tea for a crowd and then be sitting here alone

Please can anyone advise the best thing to do?

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 12/06/2017 16:05

Dead right, Nellie. That's what I meant about relationships developing naturally. Doesn't mean someone is an unfriendly cunt. I can be as neighbourly as the next person but I don't want to go to a party with them. I refer you to Seinfeld on making adult friends:

"You're not interviewing, you're not looking at any new people, you're not interested in seeing any applications. They don't know the places. They don't know the food. They don't know the activities, If I meet a guy in a club on the gym or someplace I'm sure you're a very nice person you seem to have a lot of potential, but we're just not hiring right now.
Of course when you're a kid, you can be friends with anybody. Remember when you were a little kid what were the qualifications? If someone's in front of my house NOW, That's my friend, they're my friend. That's it. Are you a grown up.? No. Great! Come on in. Jump up and down on my bed. And if you have anything in common at all, You like Cherry Soda? I like Cherry Soda! We'll be best friends!"

KanyeWesticle · 12/06/2017 16:07

I did a similar thing when we moved into this place. Left my number but no RSVP card. Noone called or let me know, and about 10 minutes past the start DH and I were sat on the sofa by ourselves with food all laid out. Then one couple from next door arrived, and almost immediately about 6 other households came too. I think they must have all been curtain twitching waiting, so as not to be the first. It ended up being a great afternoon! I now have lovely relationships with the neighbours and i'm really pleased we did it.

After no replies we kept it very low key (no party decor!) I had decided it was worth the risk of wasting a few cakes, which I'd have just taken in to work if no neighbours arrived. OP, can you come up with a plan B?

AceholeRimmer · 12/06/2017 16:09

You sound lovely OP. It's rude not to reply at all. I would get the food and drink ready and just binge it all if no-one shows..

LadyinCement · 12/06/2017 16:14

The Seinfeld "We're not hiring right now" is a super smug attitude I see a lot on MN, sadly. Any friendly overtures are regarded as hostile invasion, or, still worse, a sign of being sad.

KERALA1 · 12/06/2017 16:16

So poor OP invites a few neighbours round to be friendly and is dubbed "lady of the manor" "self obsessed" and "poker up the arse". Sorry but there are some utter weirdos on this thread!

squoosh · 12/06/2017 16:17

There are!

I'm far too lazy to ever arrange anything like this myself but once I'd ascertained that the OP wasn't some weirdo I'd happily pop along.

Flyinggeese · 12/06/2017 16:18

OP I think what you've done is really nice. People do tend to 'hang back' though don't they and not commit. I get this with events I've organised for work, where it's pretty much people's job to attend so I can imagine something so informal being many times worse.

But the way I HAVE to ask... what would being a Francophile, or not, have to do with it? I'm so curious about that.

eddielizzard · 12/06/2017 16:19

bit rude not to rsvp but i would go ahead and assume a few will turn up. def ask your friends too so you're not completely billy no mates.

kmc1111 · 12/06/2017 16:19

TBH for something as casual as this I wouldn't really expect to RSVP, and certainly not a month beforehand. I've held neighbourhood parties like this and just invited people during the week to come by if they're around that weekend. Very light, very casual, and lots of my friends too so the neighbours can see the parties started and aren't worried about having a horrendously awkward time as the only ones to show.

It is rude not to RSVP, but people probably had to wait and see if they had any conflicts and it's now slipped their mind.

Plus as someone else said you've just moved in. They may have already done this a bunch of times and had a shit time together. Which is why it pays to actually go ask people face to face, you're more likely to get an actual idea of interest then.

UrsulaPandress · 12/06/2017 16:21

Defintitely get your mates round and buy stuff that will keep - so that you can open it, chuck it in the oven, whatever if people do turn up.

TheSparrowhawk · 12/06/2017 16:35

It's early yet OP! Chances are you'll get some sort of response before the 25th and even if you don't, people will turn up.

Don't worry!

allegretto · 12/06/2017 16:37

I think it's a bit early yet - don't cancel, it's a lovely idea.

Comps83 · 12/06/2017 16:44

Well I had the same idea, we live in a new build estate, been here a year, they are still building but a good few houses are occupied and I still don't know any of the neighbours. We were going to do exactly as you have done but not sure I will now as this was one of my worries.
Id invite some of your own friends and family around just to save face.

loobyloo1234 · 12/06/2017 16:44

What a lovely gesture OP. I would come if I were invited, and I would've text to say I could make it

So British to be so unfriendly. Its like the Tube. God forbid you have to interact with people Hmm

I'm sure people will turn up, but could you invite a few friends and say its a housewarming party. Two birds and all that?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/06/2017 16:45

You haven't been displaying a 'Vote Conservative' poster proudly in your front window have you OP?

Nettletheelf · 12/06/2017 16:47

Did anybody else read about the 'secure estate of 18 units' and think, "D wing?".

Squishedstrawberry4 · 12/06/2017 16:49

Any rsvps will be last minute. I'd plow ahead as a smaller turn out means getting to know those who do turn up better

BikeRunSki · 12/06/2017 16:50

OP, we did thus when we moved into our cup de sac of 10 houses.

We moved in at the end of Nov and invited people over a few days before Christmas. Most people did come, but only for 20 mins or so, we had mince pies, tea and some booze and nibbles. We had quite a lot left, but nothing perishable.

The family next door stayed for hours. DH and the dad became good buddies and the dad is now DD's UnGodly father.

I think you may be expecting a bit much with an RSVP. I imagine a lot of people will plan to drop in around their usual weekend errands and activities, but can't commit. Just buy some non-perishable or freezabke stuff and invite some other friends.

Spudlet · 12/06/2017 16:52

I'm quite shy - I get a bit stressed about parties with friends, never mind with strangers, and DH is even worse! So with the best will in the world, this would not be my kind of thing. I hope I'd rsvp, but I don't think we'd be up for it.

I'm quite happy to chat to my neighbours and I've even had the lady next door over for cake, and we have her round on Christmas night as her DH is in a home and I think coming back to an empty house must hurt even more at that time. If you were my neighbour op,
I'm sure we'd get along! But I wouldn't be a random party in the garden person.

Screwinthetuna · 12/06/2017 16:52

Might be a nice road but doesn't sound like very nice people!

Ask some friends and get the food and drink in. That way, if people turn up then you're prepared

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/06/2017 16:56

for some people it seems a friendly advance from a stranger can be interpreted as an nothing more than an intrusion

So it seems Sad Apologies for nipping out for a while, but I'm not entirely sure why the rather spiteful remarks about Lady of the Manor / Hyacinth Bucket / formal waiters in uniform were necessary; as I said, it was only meant to be a friendly idea and a good tea (made and served by myself if it matters) and maybe a glass of something nice and a bit of music playing

Nor was I hoping for intense friendships, deep personal discussions, the avoidance of possible local blood feuds or anything else; however it seems a sad world (or at least this particular street does!!) if folk really are so put off by the idea of a nice tea and a simple chat that they can't even be bothered to post a card through a front door only a few steps away

Anyway, at least I tried ... and thanks to those who've either been supportive, or even less so but at least put it nicely Flowers

OP posts:
Nettletheelf · 12/06/2017 16:56

Back to the topic, OP your neighbours are rude and selfish for not RSVPing.

Not sure why so many people are making excuses for them and blaming you (I particularly laughed at the suggestion that you have given yourself airs and fancy yourself as the lady of the manor for daring to send a paper invitation and asking, very reasonably, for RSVPs in order to judge food and drink quantities).

They may be hanging on to see who else is going/what the weather is like. Well, that's rude too. Either accept or refuse: you owe the host that small courtesy for inviting you.

If it helps, most people we know have learned to approach party giving with caution after experiencing this sort of thing, even from guests we know well. My husband had a landmark birthday party a couple of years ago and his best friend and his wife didn't reply: we later worked out it was because they preferred to sit on their arses eating crisps and watching telly to, you know, getting out of their pyjamas and leaving the house, where they might have had to talk about things other than themselves and their interests, to people they didn't know that well.

Nettletheelf · 12/06/2017 16:58

Also, get the two neighbours who encouraged you to have the party to do some encouraging of their own...encouraging the other neighbours to respond and attend!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/06/2017 16:58

We would come. But we're very sociable,

rainbowstardrops · 12/06/2017 16:59

I think it was a lovely idea OP. You can't account for rudeness. Flowers

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