Who is BU? DD slept on the floor all holiday.

[MalibuCream]

We have just come back from a holiday to New York. It was amazing and I'm so pleased we went. We are not the richest family by any means, I have been saving for this for years. We booked a hotel room that has 2 double beds. I really couldn't afford another room. It was me, DH and 2 DDs. They are 18 and 20. 1 is at sixth form (yes, I know it's exam period but it was half term and she was more than happy to go, she is also set to do well, didn't want anyone moaning at me about that!) the other is at uni. I paid for both of them for everything. I didn't really expect not to.

DD1 was apparently very difficult to sleep with - constantly stealing all the cover (so she got another cover from reception after the first night) and then she kept sleeping very closely to her, etc. etc. so DD2 ended up moving on to the floor. DD2's argument was that DD1 should have gone on the floor as she was the one being difficult, DD1 says no as DD2 was the one having a problem with it.

DD2 says it would have been nice to have booked a 2nd room and that when she was 16, I wouldn't have let DD sleep on the floor (when DD1 was 18). I say that they're both adults and quite lucky to get a full holiday paid! DD2 says that DD1 got holidays paid for at her age. She just comes across very ungrateful! Who is in the right!?

OP you weren't looking for a solution which is why you didn't find one. There is also a home goods shop called Bed Bath And Beyond with branches in Manhattan. Did you ask the hotel for a rollaway bed or where to buy a spare mattress? Did you use Google?

You were very nice to pay for the vacation but I could never let my child sleep on the floor for a week because her older sister was pushing her around!

@queenofthebored what was I supposed to do when she said she isn't going on the floor!? Either could have booked their own room. I had had enough of all the arguing over it and wanted to enjoy my holiday. They are 18 and 20, not 10 and 12. If they were, I'd have made them. Very different to make a adult do something??

Also hotel floors in NYC are rank, even the nice ones have roaches sometimes!

Hell no you were not bu! A free trip to NY! I would offer to sleep on the floor. If your daughters didn't want to share they didn't have to go. They are adults and should have figured it out themselves.

I remember 1 family holiday I was sharing a room with my aunt who is SEN. She can snore!! I'm not use to sharing so the slightest noise would keep me awake. I ended up sleeping in bathroom on a lilo. Didn't complain, my choice to sleep there on a paid family holiday.

Tell them if the don't stop moaning they can stay at home next time and that when they pay for their own trip they can book separate rooms

@newbian goodness knows where you stayed! It wasn't rank at all.

I can't be doing with this thread now. I have said I don't favour either of them. There's no point in everyone keep declaring I do.

OP, you've characterised this as the sisters arguing or bickering and you not wanting to take sides. In that sense I see you're trying not to take sides.

But are the two sides really even? The older sister was selfish and (possible unconsciously) pushed the youngest sister out of bed and then refused to take turns.

Not taking sides means condoning this as acceptable.

In light of the fact it is clear to everyone else that DD1 has been prioritised over DD2, can you now see how DD2 feels? You and DD1 need to apologise to her. Why were you offering to sleep on the floor rather than telling DD1 to take her turn?

Wasn't prioritised? Oh give over! She got a free holiday to NY!

They're adults. They're old enough it sort it out between themselves.

Just tell them both that unless they stop going on about it, you won't be funding any more holidays. It was, what it was, and in an ideal world they'd have separate rooms but given that they were being given a free holiday they should suck it up.
Tell dd1 that you are disappointed that she didn't take a turn and tell dd2 to stop ruining your holiday memories by going on about it. Tell them you are disappointed in both their immature, ungrateful behaviours.

rightwhine here here!

Absolutely no where to buy a bed or mattress or whatever. You could buy on Amazon and it would arrive the next day

I'm pretty sure you'd have to order from a UK site, so it wouldn't be available next day to the US. And you need a US address / card to sign up to Amazonia US address for next day delivery there.

Come off it OP now you sound like a martyr

Why on earth would you offer to sleep on the floor and not just climb in with DD1 leaving DD2 with the choice of a perfectly comfortable share with your DH or lump it on the floor with no moaning.

There was NO WHERE to buy a blow up mattress, come off it! Why not say shit, yes I wish I'd thought of that it would have been a good compromise "sorry DD2 for not trying harder to equal up the sleeping arrangements so you and DD1 both got an adequate nights sleep"

"Couldn't" make DD1 share the floor OR go in with dad so don't appear to have tried. Come off it, it sounds like you didn't even try for an easy life which didn't work out because they kept "arguing" about it. DD1 appears to be totally financially dependent on you, damn straight you could have insisted she even up the sleeping arrangements and if she refused you were in a perfect position to give consequences that would make her bored / uncomfortable until she came around.

There's nothing wrong with fucking up and learning from it, but if feels like you don't want to take responsibility for anything or to apologise and just want sympathy for your girls squabbling - except as others have said DD2 just wanted a decent nights sleep (reasonable) DD1 refused to compromise in any way (unreasonable). Someone needed to step up and sort it either you or your DH. My sympathy is with DD2

Meh, I think what they are both telling you is that they have outgrown family holidays. I'd let them know and leave it at that.

My three teens spent a lot of time bickering on our last family holiday, it went on and on. Add to that the moaning about our flight times, times we could check into hotel and fact we'd to fly home from an airport further away as the season had ended and there were no flights home from the local airport, they thought we should've spent €250 on a taxi rather than use bus transfer!

When we got them home, I explained that the only reason we'd been able to go was because their dad got a back dated pay rise and opted to give one last family holiday (ds was 18 and most likely won't come again) as a treat. They were shamed, first time I saw all three with with no come back. The moaning about the holiday stopped there and then and fond memories started been mentioned.

Remind the ungrateful pair that you used the money you were left from your elderly mother to give all the family a nice holiday and that their antics are spoiling what should be lovely memories created with the help of their gran.

I still stand by the fact that if dd2 wanted the drama of sleeping on the floor there was no need for dd1 to be obliged to take turns. They each had their own covers and could've rolled themselves up inside and made sure no contact was made.

turnaround both DDs are adults! It's not up to the OP to police their arguements.
And I don't know a single 18 year old that would want to sleep In the same bed as her father.

And as for "couldn't find anywhere to buy an air bed"...... I'm guessing you've never been to manhattan, have you? You can't buy a pint of milk let alone a bloody air bed!

The OP paid for her 2 adult daughters to go to New York and they had an argument. Not her fault, give her a break!

Even when you are an adult, if your parents decide to "stay out of it" when your sibling is being totally unreasonable it does hurt. Refusing to take sides is perfectly fine when it is 6 of one, half a dozen of the other. When one person is being really unfair (in this case DD1) it does send the message that you don't care that the other (in this case DD2) is being badly treated by someone.

Her having to sleep on the floor may have totally ruined the holiday for her, but it sounds like you didn't care very much about that as long as you have your own happy memories of it.

@19lottie82 normally I'd agree with you, but think it changes things when OP's playing host away from home to 4 adults, 3 have a comfy place to sleep and the 4th doesn't. In that situation I'd take full responsibility for fixing it - not necessarily by giving a perfect solution but one where everyone had the option of a comfy nights sleep. OP just seems to want to blame DD2 and get sympathy. She doesn't say DD2 moaned about anything else so not getting the impression she's spoilt or argumentative in general.

Disclaimer: I'd have been utterly miserable in DD2s situation and felt ratty all day after poor sleep so aren't seeing her as over reacting, but would have sucked it up and never ever gone again!

Sorry I don't agree with you.

It was DD2s choice to sleep on the floor. It's not great sharing a bed with someone you're not used to, but get on with it. Try top and tailing or stick a couple of pillows between you.

IF (and I say if) DD2 was being overly dramatic, then DD1 should not be forced to spend alternate nights on the floor.

It's past now but surely the obvious solution would be to ask the hotel if they had a camp bed that they could use?

I couldn't sleep at all if someone was too close to me (including DP by the way) so I'm not at all convinced that DD2 was being overly dramatic. I would a million times rather sleep on the floor than feel someone else's breath on me when I'm trying to sleep, even though that in itself might mean I was tired and grumpy.

They are adults. I wouldn't expect op to have to referee the sleeping arrangements!

I regularly sleep in the same bed as female friends, siblings and cousins as we socialise together and it saves money on taxis home!

I'd be telling them to suck it up and stop being ungrateful brats.

Good grief, I must come from a different world that some posters -why do grown up children need mummy to intervene or arrange places to sleep for them? "Poor" DD? Yes, must be fucking terrible to get an all expenses paid trip to NYC, what a hardship. She chose to sleep on the floor. She could have persisted in sleeping with her sister, or been proactive and sorted herself a cot bed with the hotel, or spoke up at the time (not after the holiday) and asked her parents for help sorting things out. Being a martyr and hoping someone will notice you are unhappy is ridiculous. My parents would be seriously unimpressed if I behaved like either of the DD -bickering over beds, not being able to behave like adults and find a compromise or sort out some help (not that I got free holidays at that age!)

I think it's fine to bunk down with family. To save money when one of our cousins got married in Cyprus, my Auntie, two boy cousins and one girl cousin shared a studio flat, beds and all. I was grateful to have a place to stay and we had a fab time.

I can't see what DD1 has done wrong? She was happy to share, so why should she have to sleep on the floor. DD2 was being a fuss pot and a martyr. She should have slept in the bed as arranged if she didn't want to sleep on the floor. She chose to sleep on the floor instead.

Unless there's a backstory or you actually saw DD1 deliberately kicking/hitting/pushing etc.

The two girls both had exactly the same choice - share the bed or sleep on the floor. DD1 chose to share the bed, DD2 chose to sleep on the floor. That's fine, but DD2 can't expect to dictate that DD1 must sleep on the floor when she's happy to share the bed- that's crazy!

That said, they're bloody adults and really should have been able to manage to share without arguing.