Who is BU? DD slept on the floor all holiday.

[MalibuCream]

We have just come back from a holiday to New York. It was amazing and I'm so pleased we went. We are not the richest family by any means, I have been saving for this for years. We booked a hotel room that has 2 double beds. I really couldn't afford another room. It was me, DH and 2 DDs. They are 18 and 20. 1 is at sixth form (yes, I know it's exam period but it was half term and she was more than happy to go, she is also set to do well, didn't want anyone moaning at me about that!) the other is at uni. I paid for both of them for everything. I didn't really expect not to.

DD1 was apparently very difficult to sleep with - constantly stealing all the cover (so she got another cover from reception after the first night) and then she kept sleeping very closely to her, etc. etc. so DD2 ended up moving on to the floor. DD2's argument was that DD1 should have gone on the floor as she was the one being difficult, DD1 says no as DD2 was the one having a problem with it.

DD2 says it would have been nice to have booked a 2nd room and that when she was 16, I wouldn't have let DD sleep on the floor (when DD1 was 18). I say that they're both adults and quite lucky to get a full holiday paid! DD2 says that DD1 got holidays paid for at her age. She just comes across very ungrateful! Who is in the right!?

They're extremely ungrateful and ungracious and I'd tell them so.

What does your DH think?

They've had a fantastic holiday, they need to grow up.
Don't involve yourself anymore OP, you did them both proud.

tbh I don't think it was acceptable to let your DD sleep on the floor for the entire holiday. I'd either have made your DDs' take turns to sleep on the floor or I'd have asked the hotel if you could swop into a room with a double and two singles rather than two doubles (usually they can just unzip beds and rearrange for no extra cost) or I'd have bought an airbed for $15 from Walmart.
DD2 is the one complaining but it sounds as though DD1 is the one that acted like a spoilt brat by refusing to sleep on the floor at all.

I'm sorry but your DD1 is being unreasonable. You paid for her to go to NY for goodness sake!

Another room would have been nice? Was she going to cough up the £200+ per night?

It would have been nice for your DD2 to offer to take her turn on the floor but TBH I wouldn't have forced her, it sounds like your DD1 just didn't want to share with anyone.

Did you call the reception and ask if they had a "cot" (aka fold away) bed that you could use?

Seems strange that you listened enough to get all the facts but didn't intervene.

You could have:-
Told DD1 to stay on her side or she would have to share with dad or floor sleep.
Or made the floor more comfortable for DD2 with a blow up mattress from walmart

Doesn't seem fair to say they should resolve it themselves when from your account it sounds like DD2 tried to compromise and DD1 refused forgetting whether they are adults or not as the host isn't that the point where you step in?

As someone who struggles to function after a lack of sleep or disrupted night I can well understand why DD2 seems to feel the holiday was ruined for her and an apology would probably go a long way towards fixing it

You should've told DD1 that she had to take it in turns on the floor.
Yes they're adults but they're your children and they needed parenting still!

I think you've been unfair to DD2.

If there really were no other options (e.g. switching a double for two single beds, or getting a camp bed put in the room), DD1 should have taken it in turns to sleep on the floor.

Some people kick in their sleep and/or hog all the covers. If DD1 is one of those people, it's fair enough that DD1 and DD2 couldn't have shared. In which case, DD1 and DD2 should have taken it in turns.

Actually, not sure why you didn't all take it in turns - DH could have slept on the floor whilst DD2 shared with you, for example.

Does sound like you were playing favourites.

Bang their heads together

Or better yet don't get involved in a petty argument between two grown adults.

She needs to get a grip. You took them to New York, one of the most incredible cities on earth and you paid, they should be kissing your feet not acting like spoilt brats.

Honestly, I do think people have more control over their actions whilst asleep than other posters suggest. And even if DD1 couldn't help her movements, she could have apologised for her bad bed etiquette to her sister! It really does seem like you are favouring DD1 because she is the more difficult.

Although, of course it does depend on the attitudes of both of them. It could be that DD2 overreacted to normal sleeping behaviour and sibling rivalry made her have a strop and sleep on the floor to make a point. OR, DD1 purposefully kicked DD2 out of the bed so she wouldn't have to share. I do think you should have had a word with them both though. Just because they are technically adults doesn't mean they don't need telling off.

I've shared a double with my sister lots of times over the years on holidays and so forth, and I am sometimes a restless sleeper. When I've realised I'm disturbing her I've got up and slept on the floor or a sofa. Because I'm not an arse

Also, people seem to be very much minimising the 'sleeping too close' issue. It doesn't matter how much you love your sister, nobody wants to be spooning with her, surely?!

Of course you were generous and should not have to pay for something that you can't afford...

BUT getting no sleep is really shit and spoils most things.

Did your adult DD's know they'd have to share a small double bed with each other in a room with you before they accepted your offer to take them away?

In OP's shoes, I think I would have bought an airbed from a camping shop. If DD1 really is a restless sleeper, ask them to take it in turns on the airbed. If DD2 is being a drama queen, give her the air bed. But at their age, my friends and I often slept on the floor

I think you would have struggled to buy an airbed in the middle of manhatten. There aren't any wallmarts or grocery stores. You can even buy a pint of milk!

My mum likes to be generous and offer to pay for things so that we will all stay in the same hotel at extended family events like weddings, it is generous of course it is - but I've learnt that she always says she'll book the sleeping arrangements we specify, yet invariably instead she books somewhere too expensive to afford enough space and then tries to squeeze too many people in so that nobody is quite comfortable and therefore nobody is relaxed or quite happy, which is so unsatisfactory...

I'd rather book and pay for somewhere more basic myself so everyone gets a bed, but too often get sucked into generous offers mixed with emotional blackmail about all being together and promises that there will be enough rooms, and forget that it never works out unless I look ungrateful and push for the booking confirmation, or ring the hotel behind her back and then pull out where I see it's exactly the same choice to upgrade hotel and downgrade number of rooms/beds as always!

The hotel could have given a camp bed had they asked

Absolutely no where to buy a bed or mattress or whatever.

Of course there are places to get air mattresses in Manhattan! There's a Kmart in Midtown. Macy's would also have it.

Sod this. I'd be saying to them that they don't get another holiday paid for by you until they can act with dignity and graciousness. If it was that bad, how about they book their own accommodation... oh they can't because they don't work... so they should bloody suck it up then!

I've already said there was no budget. I spent thousands. However, I figured the room would be the least of my worries due to how little time we would be there! We did so much there and wasn't on a budget at all.

It was just me who paid because my mum had died and I got some money.

I don't favour either of my girls. I love them both exactly the same and I'm really sorry if it comes across like that and I'm a bit sad if DD2 felt like that. They both knew they would be sharing a bed. It wasn't a particularly small bed.

DH wouldn't go on the floor. I offered to actually but as no one would sleep with dad it would have made no difference.

@newbian we stayed in Times Square and went t Macy's, I don't remember seeing any? To be honest, I wasn't really thinking about it. Neither DDs asked when in there... That was probably my fault though and I should have looked.

Although there really were fewer shops that sold helpful stuff than I expected!

Absolutely no where to buy a bed or mattress or whatever.
They're obviously very backward over there. Thank god they don't bother with nuclear technology or space travel or anything remotely complicated...
(Note how OP is avoiding the question of favouritism)

How have I avoided it? I wrote a long post after.

I agree with others that the issue seems more that DD1 was allowed to behave unreasonably and DD2 had to have the floor. I see no reason why you didn't make them take turns, not getting good sleep can ruin an entire holiday.

DD2 is a week away from her A levels I know that I was pretty stressed and hyper sensitive for the weeks leading to mine, a holiday just before even if fully paid for is really crappy timing given the choice was deal with it or miss out - the fact it was fully paid for appears to be the norm given that you are fully paying for an older sibling as well not the exception so I think saying she was being ungrategful is unfair - not feeling valued, feeling punished for someone else's bad behaviour, exam stress, extreme tiredness, resenting favouritism to DD1 - yeah I can see why she feels narked, I can't understand why you cant understand why.

Why didn't you make them take turns? Did you discuss other solutions with the hotel ? Or was it fine for DD2 to suck it up as long as DD1 was fine?