Who is BU? DD slept on the floor all holiday.

[MalibuCream]

We have just come back from a holiday to New York. It was amazing and I'm so pleased we went. We are not the richest family by any means, I have been saving for this for years. We booked a hotel room that has 2 double beds. I really couldn't afford another room. It was me, DH and 2 DDs. They are 18 and 20. 1 is at sixth form (yes, I know it's exam period but it was half term and she was more than happy to go, she is also set to do well, didn't want anyone moaning at me about that!) the other is at uni. I paid for both of them for everything. I didn't really expect not to.

DD1 was apparently very difficult to sleep with - constantly stealing all the cover (so she got another cover from reception after the first night) and then she kept sleeping very closely to her, etc. etc. so DD2 ended up moving on to the floor. DD2's argument was that DD1 should have gone on the floor as she was the one being difficult, DD1 says no as DD2 was the one having a problem with it.

DD2 says it would have been nice to have booked a 2nd room and that when she was 16, I wouldn't have let DD sleep on the floor (when DD1 was 18). I say that they're both adults and quite lucky to get a full holiday paid! DD2 says that DD1 got holidays paid for at her age. She just comes across very ungrateful! Who is in the right!?

I'd share a bed with anyone for a week in NYC!

Seriously though, your daughters should have compromised in some way ie. Share the bed or turns on the floor.

What ever the rights and wrongs, it's too late now - this should have been resolved in NYC, when they could have discussed taking it in turns (or booking themselves an extra room) there and then. There is literally no point in complaining about it afterwards

I feel for dd2 and would have offered to sleep with dd1 or on the floor.

I've shared rooms and beds with quite a few friends over the years. None has given me a hard time, they've all been fine, but dd1 sounds like she was difficult. S she generally?

No Cheese the OP didn't make her sleep on the floor, the DD1 did.

I've been in this exact same situation (not a holiday to NY!) where my sister was so annoyed she didn't get her own bed and didn't want to share so she took the covers, kicked and pushed, all whilst "asleep" until I had no choice but to go on the floor. Of course my parents didn't believe she did it deliberately and it was "my choice" to sleep on the floor with no pillow (she took that too) and no covers and I was just being a pathetic tell-tale.

Let me guess: DD1 is the golden child. I'd get ready to say goodbye to DD2 for good if I were you because once she realises she can get away from her bullying elder sister she'll probably stay away. It's not like you place any worth on her achievements anyway. Take her away right before exams (lets face it wasn't really a choice for her was it?) and don't make them pay towards it because else poor DD1 might have to go out and earn some money.

I'm in my 30s and would have no issue sharing with my sister. I'd certainly be upset if my restlessness caused her to sleep on the floor.

Is there more going on here? Why didn't dd1 offer to swap each night? Do they get on?

It may be dd2 is being annoying or it may be dd1 forced her onto the floor.

No WAY would I sleep in a bed with my dad as an adult! How weird!

Do you not trust him?

You should have helped them resolve this. You are still their parents and were paying for the holiday. At 18 and 20 your children are likely to act less than their age in this sort of situation.

Dd1 sounds quite unpleasant why didn't she take turns? Why didn't you or dh step in and insist? I'd be ashamed if my DC if they behaved like this (both of them) they sound like spoilt eight year olds

DD1 sounds like a right pain in the arse.

I feel sorry for DD2.

You spend a tiny fraction of time in bed in such a wonderful city. When we go, we are up and out at 4am and don't return until 11pm because we do so much.

The answer for next time, don't take them again. If they can't figure out a solution at the age of 18 and put up with it, leave them at home where they can sleep in their own beds.

Can't believe people are actually discussing sleeping options!

An all expenses paid holiday is all I read

Your DD's sound entitled, and hugely ungrateful. My DC are by no means perfect, but would never ever behave like this.

I'd never take them away (at my expense) again.

DD2 says it would have been nice to have booked a 2nd room

To which the response should have been: 'I agree sweetheart, what a great idea now pop downstairs with your credit card and nook yourself one. Oh? You don't have one? Well never mind, maybe next time you want to dictate sleeping arrangements, you'll have the wherewithal to pay for them.'

Wow they sound quite precious!! As an 18/20 year old, I had slept on many floors!! I suggest they don't go on any wild back packing adventures!

Yanbu for booking what you thought would work.

Yabu for saying that DD2 slept on the floor every night because DD1!wouldn't.

It's horrible knowing you are always the DD having to compromise. I grew up like that. A sister who was the louder and more opinionated and an expectation I always compromise because I made less/ no fuss.

It's only now we are both in our 30's my mum is starting to say I have to stand up to my sister. I spent years thinking she condoned her behaviour because she never stood up to it.

This has nothing to do with sleeping arrangements. It's the lack of respect within the family for DD2 which is the issue.

I sincerely doubt anyone would choose to sleep on a hotel room floor without good reason. Yet it must be DD2 being ungrateful, entitled etc because her parents are not willing to rock the boat with DD1. It was supposed to be a holiday for DD2 as well. It can hardly have been enjoyable, broken sleep, floor to sleep on because that's her place in the family. She probably had NY trip all built up in her head and the reality was different. Now she's facing her exams more tired than she went away.

Yes, it would have been nice to have a second room, but it would also have been nice for her to have a sister who is willing to be a grown up and share a bed! Note: her solution is also not to confront her sister about her selfish behaviour but to find a way to accommodate it. She probably knows it would be pointless.

@youarenotkiddingme I could have written that myself. Also have a more vocal, difficult sister and I am always expected to be the nice, rational one because thats how it's always been.

Again only now I am in my 30's I feel I can actually stand up to her. She definitely gets away with more with my parents too. If I behaved how she did they'd be so 'disappointed' in me.

The covers issue was sorted by getting extra from the hotel, and assuming that DD1 wasn't being deliberately difficult by 'sleeping too close', then I think it was only right that DD2 slept on the floor all week if she didn't want to share the bed. It was entirely her choice as there was a bed there that she could have used.
I think DD1 has had a hard time on here, when all she is doing is sticking to the original sleeping arrangements.
Some people have commented that DD1 doesn't have a job whilst at Uni, but I think that's unfair as we don't know what course she's doing and how much time and energy it takes up. (Students work a lot harder these days than they used to!)
DD2 should have been more grateful, gracious, and mature whilst on the trip. She should definitely move on now.
Personally, I wouldn't take them away again on such a wonderful trip until they could pay for their own rooms.

Sorry but I would have told them to shut up on holiday or go home. It wouldn't have been discussed again after we left the hotel. We have had similar in NY but mine were 15 and 12 at the time and DS wouldn't share with his dad, so he slept on the little sofa in the room. His choice, he didn't moan. It was seven hours a night for a week when he was asleep for all of it.

I couldn't be arsed to make a thing of it. There was far more going on all day to think about or care where we slept.

American beds tend to be massive so I'm surprised that DD2 still found be it tricky with separate covers. I doubt that she would have chosen to sleep on the floor if it was possible for her to get some sleep on the bed. However, DD1 sounds potentially very inconsiderate and a bit of a bully.

It's also to be expected that parents would pay for a family holiday for children in full-time education. I'm convinced that dd2 is grateful to have gone but equally anyone's holiday would be ruined if they couldn't get decent sleep be it due to noise, uncomfortable mattresses or a nasty sister.

DD1 was being horrible not even attempting to make this fair - were there really no chairs to push together or settees or something that she could have slept on rather than the floor!

TBH, I'd prefer not to share with either of my sisters (one is a fidget, the other is like a furnace) but I would, and if I couldn't get any sleep with them, I'd figure out some other place to sleep - I would be annoyed, but I wouldn't let it ruin the holiday (then again, neither of my sisters would be quite so horrible I think)

I don't think it's very nice for two adult siblings to have to share a bed or sleep on the floor. Could you not have booked a self catering apartment with a sofa bed? Or a room with a double and 2 twins?

I would have found it very awkward trying to share a bed with my sister. And sleeping on the floor is grim, unless you have a mattress. Not to mention everyone sharing one ensuite.

I appreciate it was nice of you to pay for them, but I also think you were thoughtless with the sleeping arrangements. They are grown ups not little girls.

American beds tend to be massive so I'm surprised that DD2 still found be it tricky with separate covers

Which makes me think the younger daughter was playing the martyr and/or trying to bounce her parents into getting her a room of her own.

New York hotel rooms tend to be really small, not like the massive ones you find in many US resorts. So beds were probably doubles and likely not much other furniture or room for a rollaway.

US beds are not massive and a new york hotel with 2 beds is likely to be 2 queens or even 2 doubles. And probably very little space for anything like a sofa or space on the floor for a roll up bed.
Very unfair to DD2 for having to sleep on the floor and no one offering any other solutions - did anyone offer to swap with her and share the bed with DD1? How could she "sort it out" if DD1 refused to swap, she had no options after that.

As my dad used to say when I was little I'll bang your head together if you don't get on ha ha!
They are grown adults for gods sake, they should be grateful you even took them and paid for them. Tell them to get a grip and grow up and act their age!