Who is BU? DD slept on the floor all holiday.

[MalibuCream]

We have just come back from a holiday to New York. It was amazing and I'm so pleased we went. We are not the richest family by any means, I have been saving for this for years. We booked a hotel room that has 2 double beds. I really couldn't afford another room. It was me, DH and 2 DDs. They are 18 and 20. 1 is at sixth form (yes, I know it's exam period but it was half term and she was more than happy to go, she is also set to do well, didn't want anyone moaning at me about that!) the other is at uni. I paid for both of them for everything. I didn't really expect not to.

DD1 was apparently very difficult to sleep with - constantly stealing all the cover (so she got another cover from reception after the first night) and then she kept sleeping very closely to her, etc. etc. so DD2 ended up moving on to the floor. DD2's argument was that DD1 should have gone on the floor as she was the one being difficult, DD1 says no as DD2 was the one having a problem with it.

DD2 says it would have been nice to have booked a 2nd room and that when she was 16, I wouldn't have let DD sleep on the floor (when DD1 was 18). I say that they're both adults and quite lucky to get a full holiday paid! DD2 says that DD1 got holidays paid for at her age. She just comes across very ungrateful! Who is in the right!?

If DD1 was being difficult, she should've taken turns on the floor. And I can see why DD2 would be upset that you didn't make her.

This is more to do with not being listened to. I can relate, as my sister is the louder, fiestier one and my parents have always catered to her for an easy life.

I think that yes, they are adults...but they are adults that you have taken responsibility for by paying to take them on holiday so you are still in the parent role. The difficult DD1 needed to be told to take it in turns at the very least. Having your feelings walked all over and then ignored/minimised is very hurtful

I sincerely doubt anyone would choose to sleep on a hotel room floor without good reason. Yet it must be DD2 being ungrateful, entitled etc because her parents are not willing to rock the boat with DD1. It was supposed to be a holiday for DD2 as well. It can hardly have been enjoyable, broken sleep, floor to sleep on because that's her place in the family. She probably had NY trip all built up in her head and the reality was different. Now she's facing her exams more tired than she went away.
^^ This. I can't believe that the OP actually let the situation go on all week - why not after the first night tell DD1 that she either keeps to her side of the bed or she sleeps on the floor? It's not difficult, it's called parenting. Your DD2 had exams to come back to - she needed her sleep. And why book a trip that you've been saving for years for right before DD2's exams? That's just shitty. You really do favour DD1 don't you OP? As soon as DD2 has got her place at university (I do hope she's going so she can get away) then you'll probably not see again because why bother going home when your sister is the prodigal child.

As PPs have said - why on earth is your DD1 allowed to behave like that? You and your PFB made it abundantly clear she was a second class citizen - it's not about the bed or the room, it's about the fact you let her sister treat her that way, which I'm guessing you probably always have.

I trust him implicitly Neutrogena. But in the same way as I haven't walked around naked in front of him, or got changed in front of him, or sat on his knee since I was a child, I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing a bed with him (or with a brother).

She could have bought a blow up mattress, you can get one from Argos for £20, I'm sure they have them in New York.

I think they should both appreciate getting a free holiday. My parents paid for me and my brother to go skiing with them whilst we were still single and sometimes that involved us having to share a bed. I can't imagine us acting like your DD and I was pretty damned entitled myself when younger!

If you couldn't afford a minimum of two twin rooms for 4 adults then you couldn't afford to go to New York.

I don't see why you should have been out of pocket because they couldn't sort out sleeping arrangements between them. They are young adults which means that sleeping on the floor would not be that uncomfortable anyway (I did it a lot on holiday at that age- a few days is fine) and if it was a big deal they are old enough to sort it out between them.

I have to say that I wouldn't have booked a holiday just before exams though. That's not fair on the child doing A levels..

DD1 sounds like a pain in the arse.

Did both dc actively want to go or was this sprung on them and they were then expected to be grateful? A family
of 4 sharing beds in a small hotel room might be fun if you all get along brilliantly & are terribly close and have all planned this together and agreed on it. But frankly at 18, I'd have far, far rather had no holiday at all than spend it squashed up with my parents and adult sibling!

I sincerely doubt anyone would choose to sleep on a hotel room floor without good reason.

I would and did at that age. Sleeping on the floor wasn't that uncomfortable then and I would prefer the space over squashing up on a bed with someone whether or not they were a cover stealer.

They should've asked for extra pillows and made a wall down the centre of the bed with them, then had a cover each.

They are really old enough to sort this problem out for themselves.

Sleeping on the floor is a bit dramatic.

Hope you had a nice holiday anyway op.

They should just have alternated nights on the floor.

Some people are being a bit unfair to me! DD1 wouldn't have slept with DH.

Also, no, I couldn't then afford another room, it doesn't mean I couldn't afford New York! I paid for 2 attractions each day for 4 adults! Then breakfast and dinner for everyone!

Note you've glossed over your DD1's attitude....

Op I wouldn't entertain any discussion with either of them over this. Sounds like they missed the point about you taking them on a lovely holiday and experience and are being so ungrateful. Absolutely Shame on them. Tell them that .

You had a budget for your holiday and you had to stick to it, don't we all? It doesn't mean we can't afford our holidays though!

I don't see why people think your dd1 should've taken turns sleeping on the floor, she seemed ok with sharing the bed it's your dd2 who had the issue so if she wanted to be a martyr then that was her decision.

Teens can be so entitled, I wouldn't entertain any more "poor me" moaning from your dd. I'll bet she's had sleepovers with friends when there's lots of them piled into one bed or on floors and it was lots of fun then!

Some people are being a bit unfair to me!
No, they've pointed out that you've allowed your DD1 to rule the roost over DD2 even though you were in the same bloody room, AND you've had the holiday of a lifetime right before DD2's important exams.
Still, if you want to think you're a great parent then go for it. It's DD2 I feel for.

I agree Nike.

My sister was allowed to Lord it over me and get her own way non stop. It was right in the same room and they couldn't even say your turn on the floor tonight.

Sounds like hell. Why didn't you go somewhere cheaper where everyone could have their own bed? New York on a budget is pointless.

I don't see why people think your dd1 should've taken turns sleeping on the floor, she seemed ok with sharing the bed

Yes because she twists, steals blankets and sleeps right against dd2 giving her no space. I would have kicked dd1 onto the floor if she slept right against my back.

DD2's argument was that DD1 should have gone on the floor as she was the one being difficult, DD1 says noas DD2 was the one having a problem with it. So DD1 should be able to do whatever she wants and the one who has a problem has to put up and shut up?

There wasn't any other bed options. DD1 wouldn't take it in turns. So DD2 had to spend the whole time on the floor. That seems FAIR. Not.

DD1 doesn't have a part time job. DD2 does. I couldn't charge DD2 as DD1 has never paid for a holiday. You mention thinking of and discounting that DD2 should pay. Never a word about making DD1 pay. You could have suggested whoever wanted the bed should contribute to the holiday funds. Oh, but that wouldn't have been FAIR on DD1.

I suppose I'm just asking if I was unreasonable for not booking an extra room. You were not unreasonable for not booking an extra room. But you are unreasonable for letting DD1 get away with her behaviour.

I wouldn't worry, I doubt you'll have this issue again. DD2 probably won't want to go on holiday with you again.

I wonder what the response would be if someone posted this saying their OH wasn't letting them get any sleep, taking the covers, coming close to them (hitting/kicking?) and basically being so unpleasant the only viable option seems to sleep on the floor... But because she's the little sister, she needs to put up with it?

There does appear to be some strange family dynamic going on.

Firstly with how you seem to treat DD1 differently to DD2 and secondly was it just you who paid or you and your DH.

OP, YANBU for planning to share one room with two double beds between four adults in the same family. I have done similar in various permutations (me, my sister, my mum, and later also my young child, all in pretty much every combination imaginable) and it's fine. For some families it's clearly unthinkable but for lots of us it works just fine, and presumably wasn't some horrible surprise you sprang on your DDs on arrival.

As for DD1 and DD2 - I think it's hard to guess with certainty. DD1 was completely unfair and should have split the floor-sleeping? Definitely possible. DD2 was being precious and overreacting and didn't really need to sleep on the floor at all, other than to make a point? Also very possible. You will know much better than anyone on here because you actually know them.

If this is the last in a long line of DD1 throwing her weight around, I can see why DD2 is so upset. If it's yet another case of DD2 being melodramatic, I can see why you wouldn't want to indulge it (and why DD1 refused to get involved with floor-sleeping).

Must leave a rubbish taste in your mouth now though.