Is DD or DH being unreasonable? (Snoring in the living room!)

[BearWindow]

DH snores.

DD is home from uni and was watching TV in the living room. DH always comes home from work and takes a nap on the sofa. He was snoring. DD wasn't happy at all and having a moan. DH doesn't like napping in our room.

Who is being unreasonable?

Wait where did this 14k a year for her accommodation come from?
My city centre accommodation is only £7.5k and I have a studio flat!

In their house, the routine is that DH naps in the lounge at a set time every day. The two permanent residents are happy with the arrangement. The norm in other peoples' houses isn't really relevant here.

picklemepopcorn

It is still inconsiderate. And this 'you're not a permanent resident' thing is just unpleasant. I would never make my DD feel unwelcome by telling her she was only 'temporary'. Urgh.

Going to bed at 11pm when he has to get up at 3 is ridiculous. Good quality ear plugs are available.
Instead of doing garden work in the evenings he could do it on his days off.
He could get changed when he gets in then he could nap in the bedroom.
He ibvu to be hogging the living room.
Yabvu with regards your attitude towards your DD.

Ah OK Cherie, so the DH should work his bollocks off seven days a week to ensure his student daughter gets to watch TV in peace?

Ffs!

The living room is a shared room for the family to use.

All this 'oh he works sooooo hard' and 'he feels to dirty to sleep in bed' sounds very much like he's being treated as better than others in the family. Most of us work, I don't use it as an excuse to snore in the living room when other people are around.

I've only read the first 100 posts on this but as I grew up in a household where my dad snored on the couch and we only had one television in the house, it made it impossible to watch tv when he was asleep in the room.

Your DH is being completely unreasonable here. If he gets home and wants to flake out somewhere because he's that tired from work, he should do it in the bedroom.

I completely agree with the poster who said that the living room is for everyone to be sociable - falling asleep and snoring so loud that you can't hear the television isn't being sociable. It's rude.

If she pays the mortgage or rent, she's quite entitled to moan.

Well if she's not doing anything in the house, why is that? Did she before leaving to go to uni?

My mum was raised in the 'our house our rules' type situation. She rebelled at every turn, my uncle didn't, he went to uni got a good job was the model son. Neither are close to their parents at all though.
My parents were the opposite with me and ours is a odd situation anyway. But my boyfriends mum has always said her house is always their home to him and his brother. He's been moved out a while, but when we go visit it's like he still lives there. He'll turn the tv over, help himself to food/drinks, he's not a guest in the way I am. His mums a nurse so works crazy shifts at times, she wouldn't take over the living room to nap though. At the same time though, her three boys are respectful of her and the home, they've always helped with housework/cooking, when they know she's home late there's always food waiting for her to warm up.

Wtf has that got to do with anything. He is a grown man - he can decide when the hell he wants to go to bed, and when he wants to have 40 winks

Obviously. But it would be reasonable to decide to have those 40 winks somewhere other than a shared living room, wouldn't it?

His wages probably go to pay dds accommodation but when she comes home she gets to dictate how things should be

No. His wages don't entitle him to use a shared living room to snore in when he could perfectly well use his bedroom - you know, the room that is there for sleeping in.

Other issue if your DH has an early night and no nap as others suggest then to get 8hours he would have to go to bed at 8pm and all household activities would have to be curtailed if at all noisy.As all shift workers know it is incredibly difficult to sleep soundly when others are moving around the house,however quietly.

So why isn't the noise of other people an issue in the afternoon? At that time of day you're also liable to get people ringing the doorbell, mending roads, sirens going by etc.

The guy works from 3am so entitled to have a bit of a nap when gets home. Of course its the dds home but at 20 she is an entitled drama queen if she cant let her dad have a brief nap after work.

She isn't preventing him from having a brief nap, is she? She's simply asking that he not do it in the living room.

In their house, the routine is that DH naps in the lounge at a set time every day. The two permanent residents are happy with the arrangement.

I bet he doesn't if they have guests or workmen in. If you can change the routine in those circumstances, why not when your daughter is at home?

And how on earth does he have several hours of work to do in the garden every evening, even in winter?

Margot where did I say he was working 7 days a week? Where does the OP say he was working 7 days a week? How do we know that the daughter isn't working rather than mooching during the day?

@BearWindow you need to give us more information on the situation. Why does he go to bed at 11pm? Why does DH NEED to do gardening EVERY evening? Do you really not see the difference between a house and a home?

I do this. I don't want to go off to a room on my own. I may be asleep but I still want to be sociable 🙂

Do you snore FauxPas?

There's nothing sociable about subjecting others to the sound of dying cattle.

Re the OP I do think you dont sound very welcoming and do sound rather resentful of your daughter being in your house whilst you pay the rent for somewhere else.
however she needs to go watch tally in her room. If its a series she really likes she can tape it and watch it tomorrow.

However DH really should address his sleeping pattern. Up at 3am, working full day then home and napping on the sofa then dinner and couple of hours gardening then shower and bed at 11. When does he get time to relax or spend with you? He really needs to go to sleep earlier and cut out two hours of gardening work every night - it can't surely be necessary.

I actually can't stand snoring, but I'd say they are both being inconsiderate and entitled. Who's going to be the bigger person is the real question, abs bout up to you to dictate it, but you could throw that question out there.

OP, it sounds like you treat dh as king and dd as princess. Where is your self esteem here?

Sorry, 'it's not up to you dictate it', is what the garbled rubbish should say. Leave then to sort it out. They are both adults but I wouldn't take anyone's dude to preserve your relationship with both of them, since they are both equally right/ wrong a this thread reveals.

Anyone's SIDE.

Why can't he just throw an old sheet over the bed and nap there? Surely napping on the sofa isn't good for his back anyway.

It's true about the back thing Arial. My DDad is a doctor, so is used to sleeping anywhere. He utterly fucked his back one day when he took a nap on the sofa, (something he'd been doing for many years with no problems). He had to have heavy duty painkillers and loads of physio. It could have been to do with his age though tbf.

@JCo24 goodness knows how yours is so cheap. Even her first year accommodation was 12k. I will show a screenshot in a second and will reply to the rest of you.

Cherie you said he could do the garden work on his days off, hence why I asked if he's to be expected to work seven days a week (assuming five days paid work and two days garden work) so his student daughter can watch tv.

I really can't believe some of the responses on here. OP did not mention anything about her dd having a job but she did say she does nothing. So basically she has the house to herself all day to watch all the TV she wants, but then still tries to dictate to her father where he can have a kip.

Bear the average rent for a student in London is just over £6k per year - £14k for all living costs, according to the National Union of Students:
httpswww.nus.org.uk/en/advice/money-and-funding/average-costs-of-living-and-study/

14k rent would suggest she's got somewhere big enough to sub let rooms...

I have missed why someone who gets up at 3am doesn't go to bed till 11pm...

I get up at 5am to be at work by 6am (I know it's not the same time) but that means I go to bed at 9:30pm if I have an early shift, even when I've been at my other job 6:30-8:30pm and only just got in (admittedly that only happens a couple of times per month), because it's not safe to drive to work let alone actually work on far too little sleep regularly. Anyone would be dead on their feet on 4 hours sleep, but why choose only to be in bed 4 hours?