Is DD or DH being unreasonable? (Snoring in the living room!)

[BearWindow]

DH snores.

DD is home from uni and was watching TV in the living room. DH always comes home from work and takes a nap on the sofa. He was snoring. DD wasn't happy at all and having a moan. DH doesn't like napping in our room.

Who is being unreasonable?

If my dh snores l just give him a little poke and as he shifts he stops. I think your dd needs a bit more patience. My dc would tease their df if he was snoring or throw a cushion in a friendly way. He wouldnt mind moving around to stop the snoring.Everyone needs to get on together and he has done a hard days work and is preparing to do more. Its only a power nap.
I dont think families should ever say this is not your home but equally a 20 year should have a bit of understanding.

I'm 33 and still have a key to my parents house. They still refer to it as my home too and I feel as comfortable as I did when I lived there. My house will always be my son's(and whatever other children we have) home too and I hope he always comes home and treats it as such. Your poor daughter. Snoring over the telly is the least of her problems

DH works hard. He has his routine of napping on the sofa. I don't see why he should change that because DD is home.
I always work around my parents' routine when I visit even now, and I certainly would have at that age. Children (of whatever age) and parents are not equals.

I think your Dh is perfectly entitled to fall asleep on his couch in his living room I just think it's sad you don't see it as your daughters home too. Skip what a stupid thing to say, I hate it when people say parents are superior to their children. How are they not equals?

I disagree, my children and I are equals, and I am equal to my parents.

My dad always had a power nap after a long day at work - sitting in his chair - didn't snore though! The rest of us just carried on regardless. My ds is at Uni and he will always have a home wherever I happen to be - not matter how old - the same for the other dcs when they are older. She needs to give her dd a little consideration - it does take a few days to get back into the old routine of being home and the way things are. Equally I feel for her if you have been this unwelcoming to her.

Witsender you're completely right

It's not stupid lorelai, this is how I was brought up and I agree with it.

Snoring in a communal living area whilst people are watching tv is antisocial and rude. Your sound very cold towards your daughter, she must feel very unwelcome

I am welcome at my parents homes (they split up and moved) but I would never be arrogant to think of it as my home.

Skip being a parent does not make you superior to anybody, least of all your child

Once (many years ago) when I was back with my parents during university holidays, my mother actually said 'it's so much easier when you aren't here'. I can't remember what I'd done, but it was really minor. Funnily enough, I made sure I wasn't around much after that, and I'm not close to my mother now. OP, you may not be saying what my mother said, but that's probably what your DD is hearing. The long term consequences may not be what you'd hoped for.

He's being unreasonable. I can't believe you are saying it's not her home because she's at uni. My home will always be my DCs home no matter what age they are, they will always be told that.

you and your husband sound vile. hark at kicking your kids out when they go to uni. Halls of residence are hardly 'home'. If you were my parents i'd probably never come back.

Actually, her accommodation is very much 'home' it's bloody 14k for a year. It's newly built in the middle of London with an en suit. I can't believe some of you feel sorry for her! She's extremely lucky. Never helps around the house and is very entitled when home!

"Will your home always be your kids?? confused"

Yes. Forever.

yeah the fact you keep calling it 'her accommodation' definately makes it sound like her home whatever happened to unconditional parental love...

also why would you do chores if you're considered a guest... I know i wouldnt

Okay, if you want to consider her a guest, I also wouldn't:

Sit in front of a guest's TV all day.
Leave the bathroom a state.
Eat 50 meals a day, etc.

I've got to say I got a lump in my throat op when you asked if anyone could explain how your house is your daughters home. That's such a sad attitude to have towards your child.

While I and dh are able our children will always have a home with us no matter where we are.

The issue of her entitlement and not helping out is different and ground rules need to be set and changes made but like wise your attitude that student/shared accommodation, no matter how expensive, is a home is really sad.

no those are all things you do AT HOME

At 20?

My dad moved 2hrs away when i was 25. He "gave" me a room in his house. refers to it as mine and i stay there when i visit!