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Original poster

Is DD or DH being unreasonable? (Snoring in the living room!)

209 replies

BearWindow · 11/06/2017 20:11

DH snores.

DD is home from uni and was watching TV in the living room. DH always comes home from work and takes a nap on the sofa. He was snoring. DD wasn't happy at all and having a moan. DH doesn't like napping in our room.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
giantpurplepeopleeater · 11/06/2017 20:46

Personally, I think it come down to whoever was in there first. Its a common area so should be a shared area.

So I'd say if DD was in there watching TV, and your DH came in, sat down and proceeded to start snoring then he is being rude.

However, if DH is already in the room.and snoring DD will have to realise that the room is 'in use' and either accept the noise or go find somewhere else to be.

I would think that is a good compromise. And whatever the reasons about dirt etc - your DH doesnt have to do things a certain way around..... he is choosing to, and therefore he needs to recognise that.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 11/06/2017 20:47

Well, either it's her home and so should be able to use the shared space, bedrooms are for sleeping in, or its not her home, and so she's a guest, he should be a better host and not snore in the living room his guest is in. Either way, snoring in the living room so that other people can't use the space when he has a bedroom for sleeping in is arse behaviour.

Compromise, buy a cheap blanket to go on the bed for his naps, something he can lay on 'dirty' and you can throw in the wash easily.

Sirzy · 11/06/2017 20:47

I bet she feels really welcomeHmm

JeNeBaguetteRien · 11/06/2017 20:48

He is BU and you both sound quite unwelcoming. When I visit my parents we all know it's not my home but they make me feel at home, as I do with them.
Snoring is so annoying to listen to.

RB68 · 11/06/2017 20:49

she is either family living at home or a guest either way sleeping and snoring to disturb others valid use of room is just rude in my view - DH was snoring through a programme the other night on and off - on and off cos I kept poking him and that was after 36 hrs no sleep - no sympathy from me - if you are that tired nap in bed. If you are dirty after work get clean then nap

MargotLovedTom1 · 11/06/2017 20:49

Tell her to put the subtitles on.

Has it never bothered her before?

caffeinestream · 11/06/2017 20:49

Wow, I feel sorry for your DD.

It's pretty clear neither of you really want her there.

JamieXeed74 · 11/06/2017 20:49

why doesn't she just plug earphones into the TV. Problem solved.

Northernmum12 · 11/06/2017 20:50

I think it's disgusting that you say it's not your daughters home.
Your DH is being unreasonable, it's extremely rude to be snoring away in a communal area. Why can't he get the gardening work done, shower and go to bed early?

MargotLovedTom1 · 11/06/2017 20:51

Or yeah, earphones.

witsender · 11/06/2017 20:52

It's her home too!

BewtySkoolDropowt · 11/06/2017 20:53

When her accommodation is being paid until is totally irrelevant. It's clearly temporary. Presumably your home is classed as her permanent residence for the sake of most things that matter.

Well, other than her family of course... sadly.

Original poster
BearWindow · 11/06/2017 20:54

Of course we want her here HmmHmm because he wouldn't get the garden work done as he's too tired.

I've already said I see both sides of the argument. She's 20!! Will your home always be your kids?? Confused

How do earphones genuinely reach the TV?

Yes, it has always bothered her and she always shouts and wakes him up. I've always wondered who needs to be told.

OP posts:
Original poster
BearWindow · 11/06/2017 20:55

Can someone please explain to me how it is her home?

OP posts:
mellicauli · 11/06/2017 20:55

record it on your phone and play it back to him when he's trying to watch tv. If he's prepared to put up with this and use subtitles, fair enough. If not, he should reconsider his own behaviour.

Trifleorbust · 11/06/2017 20:57

My home will be my daughter's home for as long as I live. That doesn't mean I don't expect her to move out, but she can treat it as her home until she is properly grown up and makes her own home.

caffeinestream · 11/06/2017 20:57

I had to move back home last year after my relationship ended. I'm 28 years old, and you know what - my parents welcomed me with open arms. If dad wants a nap and I'm in the living room, he does the decent thing and goes upstairs or into another room. He doesn't take over the family living area and expect to be able to snore over my TV shows.

I think your husband is being astoundingly rude. Fine if it doesn't bother you, but it bothers HER and she's in the living room - it's not like she's insisting on being in his private space and complaining.

witsender · 11/06/2017 20:58

Until she gets her own place (not uni accommodation) I would feel it was her home too. My parents have moved many times since I moved out, but they still see their home as ours too. My sister even has a room!

If she is just a guest then he is being rude by treating her disrespectfully.

Is your home not where she comes home to on holiday? I find your attitude most unusual.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 11/06/2017 20:58

I feel really sorry for your DD. I mean, your DH is just being selfish and inconsiderate by insisting that everyone be subjected to his snoring in a communal living space, but - more to the point - you really don't want her there at all, do you? Confused

Do you not have a good relationship? I can't imagine ever making DS feel like a guest, no matter how old.

Leanback · 11/06/2017 20:58

I'm 24, have properly moved out into my own flat with my partner but I still say 'I'm going home this weekend to see my mum'

caffeinestream · 11/06/2017 20:59

I also think it's really sad that you don't feel like it's your daughter's home anymore. It's not like she's married with kids or living with her partner - she just moved away to go to university! She's hardly a fully fledged, independent adult.

I feel sorry for her if that's your attitude, actually.

ScarlettDarling · 11/06/2017 21:00

Can't believe you're saying your home is no longer your daughter's home! She went to university so moved away but surely during holidays you would want her to be back with you feeling at home?

My children will always have a home with me.

BewtySkoolDropowt · 11/06/2017 21:02

It's her home as it is still her permanent residence! Temporary accommodation over uni doesn't really cut it as a permanent home.

I hope your daughter doesn't realise that you feel this way.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 11/06/2017 21:02

"The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned." Maya Angelou.

Not with you, her parents, then, for your DD?

PinkPeppers · 11/06/2017 21:03

Well Im 47yo this year and my parents home is still my home too.

Having said that, if yur home isnt her home anymore, then she is a guest and shouod be treated as such.
Yu can ask from her not to disturb your routine and make some special effort for her dad whilst saying that actually its not her home and her wishes are not to be taken into consideration.
That smacks of treating her as a very small child that has no say in the way the house is run.

If i was her, i wouldn't feel welcome at all and would be looking at spending time in my own house, that, after all, has been paid until august. Hmm

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