Is DD being unreasonable? Won't come out for dinner for her dad's birthday?

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DD's dad (DH's) birthday is this weekend. DD is refusing to come out for dinner.

DH used to work 6 days a week and couldn't get any birthdays off. He has changed jobs and owns part of a shop now, he can pick what days he goes in, but if his part of the shop isn't opened, he obviously won't take any money, so does that 6 days too. He hasn't taken any of the kids' birthdays off as he still needs to go in. He has a couple of times not opened up so he can go to a wedding and also to go for one day out with his old work mates. But apart from that, has gone in.

DD's argument is he hasn't made any effort on her birthdays and if he could not go in for those 2 times I've mentioned, he could have stayed off for one of her birthdays. I do see what she means, but he was working, she won't be! She's 15. Is she BU?

No I don't think she is.

He is reaping what he has sown. He obviously hasn't made her feel like e makes an effort so why should she?

I would be feeling the urge to sing a certain Ugly Kid Joe song repeatedly.

Nope I'm totally with your DD on this one
Bit shitty that's your DH can find the time off to go out with his mates but never ever have any time off for your DDs birthday

I can see why she might be miffed but it sounds like she's being stroppy. It's probably worth reminding her that the shop needs to bring money in for the benefit of the whole house. Probably also sort having a word with DH about if he could take the time off for the kids birthdays necmxt time around.

Oh gosh no! She's telling him that she is unhappy about the fact that he hasn't made an effort for hers. He doesn't need to shut a shop for an entire day to celebrate a birthday! Couple of hours closed for a meal/party or get someone in to cover!

I would feel like your DD in this situation, sorry.
It would be different, imo, if he hadn't done it those other times.

But it really seems like he'll do it for a day out with mates, but not for his own daughters birthday.
I can entirely see her point tbh.

Him not making the effort over the years has obviously hurt her. This is her way of showing it.

Has he not joined in any sort of birthday celebrations for her?

If he can shut up for a day out, he can shut up for a couple of hours for birthdays.
If he couldn't (and hadn't) done it for other things, then she would BU.
But as it stands I can see why she feels like that.

Another one agreeing with your DD here. 15 yr olds can be stroppy, but sometimes their stroppiness is justified.

Was he working to put a roof over her head and food in her mouth? Does he pay for phone, gadgets, clothes etc for her?
Has he provided presents, cake, parties etc for her birthdays? Does she help out in the shop to give him a break?
Teenagers are often self-obsessed, sounds like she needs his efforts spelt out to her, she probably hasn't thought this through.

And yeah thats a good point.
Has he been at celebrations etc at all for her birthdays?

Good for her!

But Delphinium it's got bugger all to do with that.

If he can shut shop for a whole day for some old mates, he can turn up to a birthday celebration for a couple of hours.

Its horrible feeling second best to mates and work.

Delpinium He's her parent, that's what he's meant to do.

Didn't you as a family celebrate the kids birthdays in the evening when he came home ?

That's what we did when dh worked away so often wasn't there but we had s belated meal or pizza and film night when he was back.

Sounds really sad for you though op hope it gets worked out.

Also agree with your DD, maybe she is being stroppy but I can sympathise with her.
If my DH was happy to take time off work and lose out on money to go out with his mates but not family occasions I'd be pretty pissed off. It shows where his priorities lie!

But delphinium it's not always about material things, there are some things that money can't buy and it sounds like he has "neglected" this side of things with his daughter and now she is rightly making her feelings known.

You can't buy love!

I see her point. If he can not work to go out with old mates, he could've not worked a couple of hours on kids birthdays. He's made it clear where she comes on his list of priorities.

What kind of father has he been outside of birthdays?

I suspect a backstory here, but so far I am kind of with your DD tbh.

No, she doesn't have to work but it's often a really minor thing after a long string of annoyances that can be the thing that tips you over the edge and it seems that the birthday meal is it in this case!

I think she's bu. Assuming that him working was for family money which paid for at least part of her birthdays, roof over her head, food etc.

He's been a good dad, I think?

Yes, he would come for dinner in the evenings after work but DD opts to do things in the day.

I can see where your dd is coming from but unless there is more to this, she may well regret this one day.

My parents didn't take the day off for my birthday but we would do something at the weekend. It's called work, one day she'll learn this, that you can't always take a day off when you want to. The

Did she ask him to take time off for her birthday and he refused?

This is quite sad. DH's dad never bothered much with them growing up and hasn't been to our house to visit in 5 years, we live three miles away, he is fit, healthy and as a car.

Dh stopped going to see him 3 years ago, doesn't send cards on birthdays or call. Says why should he, 50 years old and his father has barely bothered and now he CBA.

Agree very much that you reap what you sow, your DH has to put some serious graft into this relationship if he wants to get it back on track.