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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is DD being unreasonable? Won't come out for dinner for her dad's birthday?

395 replies

TrackedNoSignature · 07/06/2017 16:10

DD's dad (DH's) birthday is this weekend. DD is refusing to come out for dinner.

DH used to work 6 days a week and couldn't get any birthdays off. He has changed jobs and owns part of a shop now, he can pick what days he goes in, but if his part of the shop isn't opened, he obviously won't take any money, so does that 6 days too. He hasn't taken any of the kids' birthdays off as he still needs to go in. He has a couple of times not opened up so he can go to a wedding and also to go for one day out with his old work mates. But apart from that, has gone in.

DD's argument is he hasn't made any effort on her birthdays and if he could not go in for those 2 times I've mentioned, he could have stayed off for one of her birthdays. I do see what she means, but he was working, she won't be! She's 15. Is she BU?

OP posts:
Original poster
TrackedNoSignature · 07/06/2017 16:31

Yes Mrs

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/06/2017 16:34

Then HIBU. There is a very small window when your teens want to hang with you and you get to prioritise them. After that, they remember what you did when you had the chance.

She risked something emotionally to ask him, and he refused. Sad

bumblebeebuzzing · 07/06/2017 16:34

your dd won't do evening meals after dh has finished work, Seems even more unreasonable to have the hump. My parents worked during the day so we did things in the evening, surely this is normal

Brittbugs80 · 07/06/2017 16:34

She's not being unreasonable. She might be 15 but she makes a very good point.

If he never closed 6 days a week then I'd explain to her that he has to work to support the whole family and for Bills etc to be paid, but he sounds a bit of a thoughtless idiot to close for friends and not his daughter.

But then I've relatives who think they have a wonderful relationship with their children because they work all the time and hand out cash left, right and centre when actually my cousin's would rather have had family time. We are all in our thirties now, they don't have a close relationship with their parents and they don't really know each other and when together at family functions, they always sit apart or with awkward silences.

NellieFiveBellies · 07/06/2017 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkPeppers · 07/06/2017 16:35

In my house, at that age, they wouldnt have a choice BUT i can totally see why she is saying that and i would bet she will never make an effort for her dad as soon as she has left home.

What she is saying, regardless of whether you think he has been a 'good' dad, is that she has felt like a second class, always coming after work, regardless of the situation.

Ciderandskatesdontmix · 07/06/2017 16:37

Did she never have to go to school on her birthday?!

DearMrDilkington · 07/06/2017 16:37

I would be feeling the urge to sing a certain Ugly Kid Joe song repeatedly.

This.

Original poster
TrackedNoSignature · 07/06/2017 16:38

@Ciderandskatesdontmix of course but he isn't home at 3:15 pm so I used to pick her up and then do her chosen thing.

OP posts:
scottishdiem · 07/06/2017 16:39

If he has closed it for a wedding and seeing some mates then it does look like (though actually isnt) as if your daughters birthdays are not something he is keen on so surely she doesnt need to be keen on his?

On and the idea that since he was working so she could have a roof over her head and food etc.:

  1. Thats what parenting is about.
  2. The imagery of children gathering as supplicants to kiss the ring in gratitude of a benevolent ruler isn't a good. We damn sure dont expect it of wives for their husbands when one works and the other doesnt, so I dont think we should expect it of children either.
Ginslinger · 07/06/2017 16:40

I think she's being unreasonably stroppy - DH worked on the kids birthdays - sometimes even on weekends if he was on take or on call - we celebrated when he was at home. I worked some of the birthdays too - kids went to school as normal.

Sirzy · 07/06/2017 16:40

So he couldn't even shut the shop a couple of hours early to join in with what she chose to do? We aren't even talking a full day?

PinkPeppers · 07/06/2017 16:40

Btw, if i think you have an issue if you have never managed to organise a b'day where he could be there.
It could have been on his day off, it could have happened in the evening.
So never been there for her b'day is very poor of him but also of you two as a family not to have organised things better tbh.
Talking from experience there too.

ohfourfoxache · 07/06/2017 16:40

So he wouldn't have even had to have taken a full day off?

Sorry but I'm with your dd on this

Badcat666 · 07/06/2017 16:41

Does your DD need everyone to take a day off to celebrate her birthday? Do you not celebrate her birthdays in the evening when DH gets home? Like you plan to go out in the evening for her dad's birthday?

So he was working 6 days a week before in a job he couldn't take time off from and now still works 6 days a week and if he closes the shop it doesn't generate income?

He has closed said shop twice, once for a wedding and once for a mates do? Was the mates do to mark a landmark birthday or event? If yes then why is your daughter throwing her toys out the pram?

My dad worked 6 days a week, long hours. If one of our birthdays fell on a work day we would wait until he got home before cutting the cake or save the birthday bash for the day he was home.

I don't remember ever throwing a wobbly because he wasn't there when I wanted him to be. I knew he was out earning money for his family. He was busy working to buy our presents and birthday do stuff and everything else we needed as kids.

Does she ask for expensive or specific items for her birthday and throughout the year? If so then who is out working to pay for those things? Oh yes, her dad....

I can understand if he missed a landmark birthday like 18th or 21st but he hasn't.

Original poster
TrackedNoSignature · 07/06/2017 16:41

Yes she never wanted to wait for him to go out for dinner... So in all fairness...

Mind you he could have closed a couple of hours early so could come to the zoo after school for example (just an example I thought about)

I don't know, I see both arguments.

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 07/06/2017 16:41

Don't make her go.

That way he gets a warning glimpse into what his future will be like, unless he very quickly changes his priorities.

Waltermittythesequel · 07/06/2017 16:41

So she has asked him to shut up shop for her birthday in the past, and he's refused every time?

But he managed it to go to weddings and out with his mates?

Hmm. I've splinters on my arse from this one!

Veterinari · 07/06/2017 16:42

So all working parents on this thread take time off work for their DC's birthdays? Confused

Surely most people do stuff in the evening or at the nearest weekend?

Sounds like your DD is being stroppy - I assume she's never had a moral problem in accepting birthday gifts/outings paid for by your DH's salary obtained through work?

luckylucky24 · 07/06/2017 16:42

I agree with your DD. Would it have been hard for him to shut the shop at 3.30 on her birthday to join the celebrations? Just for one day of the year?

potoftea · 07/06/2017 16:43

Unless there's a huge back story here, I think your daughter is being a brat, sorry.
I'm sure he would have loved to be able to take time off more but he's been working hard and long hours to provide for his family.
Unless he spends loads on himself then his work has been for all of you. But it seems weird that your dd feels this way, at times my dh worked 7 days a week so I could be a sahm which we felt was good for the family, and our dc knew and appreciated his efforts.

luckylucky24 · 07/06/2017 16:43

OOPs cross posted with everyone.

wornoutboots · 07/06/2017 16:43

it's not an Ugly Kid Joe original, it's a cover version of the Harry Chapin one...

either way, yes, I agree. Reap what he's sown.

happypoobum · 07/06/2017 16:45

I am with DD on this. He is saying a day out with his mates or a wedding is more important than her birthday.

That's fine, but then he can't expect her to prioritise his birthday can he?

user1471518295 · 07/06/2017 16:46

She wants him to take the whole day off work for her birthday? How weird is that? She is 15 FFS! If he comes home in the evening (which you said he did) then you could all go out then if you want to.

My parents never took the day off work for my birthday - and I have not done that for my son either. But we went out in the evening or had a birthday dinner at home.

I think she is being a spoilt brat to be honest.

But your explanation is nuts - him working on her birthday has no relevance because he comes home after work and is available for an evening celebration. Like normal families! Or am I missing the point?

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