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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell his girlfriend I slept with him?

705 replies

Minnievintage · 01/06/2017 09:29

I'm on a well known dating site, been single for 3 years. I started talking to this guy who lives in my area but I don't know.

We got on really really well, and after 3 weeks of chatting on the dating site he suggested we meet. I was really into him so I agreed. So 2 weekends ago we met up at a pub that he suggested about 15 miles away from where we both lived - at the time it didn't cross my mind to think it was odd.

We got on really really well and I fancied the pants off him. It's been a long time since I found someone I connected with and fancied like that so I was so excited. We kissed at the end of the night very passionately. We then spent all of that week texting each other as he gave me his phone number - great I thought, this could end my dry spell!!!!

Weekend just gone, I suggested we meet again. He was abit hesitant said he had a few things on. Things had started to get progressively more sexual in the conversations between us so when I made a joke about something quite suggestive he quickly changed his tune and said we could meet at the weekend.

To cut a long story short, he came to my house and I cooked a meal for us and after too many wines we ended up sleeping together. He got out of bed afterwards and started to get dressed saying he had to go but wasn't off with me at all. I then asked what he was doing on the Sunday and he replied "I'm seeing my girlfriend!!!" To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement!!

I don't have Facebook but my friend did some digging and she's found out who is girlfriend is and they are engaged due to be married at Christmas. I don't know his girlfriend personally but I know of her. AIBU to tell her what happened? I know of it was me getting married I would want to know!

OP posts:
MommaGee · 01/06/2017 09:32

I'd tell. Keep or screenshots the texts of she wants proof but ask her don't straight out give them to her

MommaGee · 01/06/2017 09:33

What did you say to him when he said that, or since?

Booshbeesh · 01/06/2017 09:33

That's a really difficult situation. But if defo tell her because hes a obv a dik.

NormaSmuff · 01/06/2017 09:33

no, i wouldnt, it wont help you, it will harm their relationship

JacquesHammer · 01/06/2017 09:34

Keep out of it. Not your business. Block him and move on.

Original poster
Minnievintage · 01/06/2017 09:34

I just lay in bed looking at him open mouthed and I said "you've got a girlfriend?!" And he said "yes, Thankyou for a lovely evening" and left! I haven't text him since and he hasn't text me so I assume I was just a one night stand but I see his profile is still active on the dating site

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 01/06/2017 09:35

Mmm it's a difficult one...

On the one hand I'd want to know (he'd be wishing he hadn't if it were my bloke!) , but I have come across people who just ignore these indiscretions...

Did he say he was unattached??

Mrsglitterfairy · 01/06/2017 09:35

I think you should. But be prepared for her to either not believe you or to blame you. I would want to know if I was my partner cheating on me. Cos to be honest, and I don't mean to sound harsh to you, you're probably not the first and probably won't be the last

ofudginghell · 01/06/2017 09:36

I couldn't keep that to myself without giving the girlfriend the chance to get out of that before they marry.
What a scumbag x

indigox · 01/06/2017 09:36

no, i wouldnt, it wont help you, it will harm their relationship

Hmm Their relationship is already a pile of crap.

Tell her, you'll be doing her a favour.

Daisychains21 · 01/06/2017 09:36

If it were me, I'd really want to know. It's hard though because you'd probably be dragged through a lot of hassle. He's a bastard though and should be outed.

travellingfailsman · 01/06/2017 09:37

no, i wouldnt, it wont help you, it will harm their relationship

Whereas if he spends years having secret affairs it should have a really positive impact on their relationship...?

Nothing OP does will harm the relationship. What has/will harm the relationship is the man cheating on his girlfriend.

Blame shouldn't shift because of how truth is revealed. He is at fault, nobody else. Tell her.

howthelightgetsin · 01/06/2017 09:37

I would tell her, yes.

She might get mad and take it out on you but you don't know her, so it's not like you'd lose a friend. It boils down to the fact that she has a right to know.
Screenshot him still live on the dating website too.

BuckingFrolicks2 · 01/06/2017 09:37

I'd want to tell her but I'd be worried about being caught up in the fallout.

Original poster
Minnievintage · 01/06/2017 09:37

I keep going over the conversations we had in the pub the first time we met and there was no indication that he had a girlfriend! I feel sick that I fancied him so much and stupidly started thinking he was something special Blush

OP posts:
MooPointCowsOpinion · 01/06/2017 09:38

I'd want to know, so I think you should tell her. He doesn't get to live happily ever after based on a lie, and she deserves better.

ballerinabelle · 01/06/2017 09:38

no, i wouldnt, it wont help you, it will harm their relationship

What relationship? The guy is a scumbag

qazxc · 01/06/2017 09:39

Personally I'd want to know if my partner was trawling dating sites and cheating on me. It's very calculated on his part and you most likely are not the only woman he has met this way.
There also is the health/sti risk. (get yourself tested op).

Blisss · 01/06/2017 09:39

Tell her!! No doubt about it, she's innocent in all this and she deserves to know what kind of low life scumbag she's marrying.

He shouldn't even be on a dating website if he's got a fiancé.

What a disrespectful Twat!

Original poster
Minnievintage · 01/06/2017 09:39

I keep thinking maybe I should message him and say something.... anything!!! But what? I feel so stupid as it is!

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 01/06/2017 09:39

you hardly know him, and you dont even know her.

stay out of their lives, no one will thank you.

GlitteryFluff · 01/06/2017 09:39

I'd want to know.

Blisss · 01/06/2017 09:39

You did nothing wrong by the way, it's all on him

Allthebestnamesareused · 01/06/2017 09:39

Can you send a copy of his dating profile to her?

hibbledobble · 01/06/2017 09:40

Wow. Maybe they have an open relationship if he was so forthcoming about having a girlfriend?

It still doesn't excuse messing you about like that.

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