To hate the fact that wedding invites come with a request for money?

[Generallyok]

I love going to weddings and would never dream of not giving a gift,but hate that we always seem to get sent a cute little poem that tells you that they have all their pots and pans etc etc but love money to fly somewhere in the sun. I do get that too and would ask if they have a list or would prefer money but it just seems a bit much to send out this message. We have just received one just for an evening invite. I'm not married but can't imagine sending an invite and then telling everyone we would like their dosh. AIBU?

Post the poem or it didn't happen

I know what you mean but I suppose it makes sense!! Last thing we need is more kitchen clutter/champagne flutes/picture frames/candles etc.

We actually asked for long on our invites. We were already living together had a child and honestly didn't really need any more 'stuff'.
In saying that, I hated doing it, it felt really rude x

'Money' not 'long'

To be honest, we asked for money too. A few people beforehand had been asking us what we wanted so we sent it with out invites. Only to the day people mind, not to the evenme no guests although most of them gave us cash too.
A lot of people nowadays have lived together, have children maybe and can't afford a honeymoon on top of the wedding. And a lot of guests would rather give money, saves finding a gift that someone may or nah not like, I know I prefer to stick £50 in a card or something

I hate it, and I especially hate when couples have spent upwards of £20,000 on their wedding and then ask for money for a honeymoon. Our wedding is costing us less than £1500, we've only invited people we genuinely want to be there (as in not invited anyone out of obligation) and we've asked for no presents. We're getting married because we love each other and want to make a lifetime commitment. The wedding day is only a small part of that, the rest comes after! YANBU

We were broke when we got married and had a picnic in the park as our reception, we asked people to bring their own picnics and said that we didn't want gifts (we felt we couldn't do a gift list and ask people to effectively pay for their own food). Lots of people bought us things anyway and we had lovely presents that we would never have thought of.

I think it's rude to ask for presents from evening guests.
Actually, I don't think b&g should put present requests in with the invitation anyway. It is upto the guest to request a gift list/buy something they choose.
Evening guests are the 'B' team - it strikes me as grabby to expect presents from people they don't value enough to invite to their actual wedding. As an evening guest, I would probably take a token present, like a nice bottle of wine.

I do roll my eyes at the silly little poems but a non poem request for money or a gift list doesn't bother me at all, I hate gift shopping when I don't know what the person wants so I welcome these things. A total unmumsnet opinion I know.

We didn't send our gift list out with invitations and loads of people were annoyed at having to ask us for details. You can't win.

I don't mind giving money instead of a present. I hate the poems though.

Don't mind at all saves shopping for a gift they may not want or need that's a waste

I do cringe but I don't mind giving a gift or money to people wer close to. With our wedding next year we are stating on our wedding website that we just require the pleasure of company and nothing else. Apparently this is 'wrong' but I hate cheesy poems and making people feel the need to give money. We want people to have a nice chilled day without putting their hands in their pockets too much.

I have to add, I think it's rude to ask for presents full stop! I hate the idea of gift lists etc. Someone I know has set up a website where basically you choose how much you can afford to pay, and it says things like '£10 for a few beers round the pool' '£65 for dinner at the hotel' '£125 for a day cruise around the harbour with dinner and wine after'
It's bloody awful, they can see exactly who has given what. I think part of this stems from coming from a family who are mostly very comfortable financially. I, however, was a single working mum at 24 and never had any spare money. I hated being invited to weddings/parties because I couldn't afford something new to wear or money to give as a present.
Fast forward 6 years and DP and I are now in that financially comfortable group. However, that difficult time in my life won't ever leave me, I will never take money for granted and when it comes to weddings now, I think of family members/friends I know who are struggling and remember how it feels.

I've never been married, is it really bad form to say you don't want anything, no money or gifts?

BandeauSally that's what DP and I are doing. But we're only inviting immediate family and a close friend each, none of them would say anything about it!

Personally I don't see anything wrong with saying you dont need anything. I wouldn't think it had form but I guess others might, I don't know why though.

My invites go out tomorrow. No requests for
money or gifts, in fact no mention of them at all. I thinks it's horribly crass.

Our Pagan handfasting is next year, we don't want gifts and I'd be embarrassed if people gave us money. We just want our close friends and family to share our day. That's it.

I think it is rude to mention anything about gifts, you are presuming people would buy a present if you didn't instruct them not to. I think you should invite people and if they ask give a present list/state you prefer cash/decline gift. I'm probably old fashioned but I am happy to give cash but don't like being asked for it.

We've been invited to a wedding. Poem asking for money with the invite. Didn't bother me in the least. We are very fond of the bride and groom and more than happy to give them some money that will go towards their honeymoon. Rather that than giving them something they don't need.

I had one recently where the couple wanted money for their honeymoon. They are a mature couple both on their second marriages, their honeymoon was a trip to see family that they do every year anyway. I didn't give anything.

More recently a young couple have asked for contributions to the deposit for their first house. They will receive money approximately equal to the price of dinner for two with wine as that seems only fair.

The poems give me the creeps!

YANBU its totally cringesome and I die a little for them.

Im bringing my children up to understand its very rude to demand certain gifts and to be grateful for any gifts they do receive, whatever they are.

I think it's not a bad thing to have 'cash gifts only' on the invite. But I don't like the ones that specify amounts. I usually drop £20-50 as a wedding gift for first marriages, and nothing for second or third marriages.

I also hate the cheesy little 'we want your presence not your presents' line too. But that might just be me. If I'm honest, I loathe most wedding related stuff. When did they become so focussed on the day, how much you spend, what presents you get? 3 hen parties, including a weekend abroad? It's all got out of hand in my opinion. We nearly didn't get married because of it, because of all the expectations placed on the couple. But then we realised its about us, what we want and what we want is to be married. So we booked a reg office, invited 14 people and have only told those people. It's in 4 weeks and still the only people who know are the ones invited. And I'm so ridiculously excited.