To hate the fact that wedding invites come with a request for money?

[Generallyok]

I love going to weddings and would never dream of not giving a gift,but hate that we always seem to get sent a cute little poem that tells you that they have all their pots and pans etc etc but love money to fly somewhere in the sun. I do get that too and would ask if they have a list or would prefer money but it just seems a bit much to send out this message. We have just received one just for an evening invite. I'm not married but can't imagine sending an invite and then telling everyone we would like their dosh. AIBU?

I agree, Teal. The fact that people actually tout for a cash for a second or third wedding is mind-blowing.

What seems so annoying to me is to pretend you don't want anything "Your presence is all we want".... but then go on to say a donation towards the honeymoon would be welcome. In other words, they don't just want your presence - so why not be honest about it??

clawdy

The point is that anyone living in the real world with an ounce of pragmatism in their body knows that some people will get them a gift. That disclaimer is alluding to that by saying for those who are going to, this is what we would like (and I find this very useful), rather than saying "you're only welcome if you buy us a gift" which is how you seem to be interpreting it.

Wow, never having been married I am the first to admit I find a lot about the wedding a bit off, but am stunned when people actually ask for money, and have never heard of anyone having the gall to specify how much!!

I love the idea of those who say they just want your company on their lovely day and I really I can't understand how people are given stick for that! I feel for you I really do.

I have a friend who groans at wedding invites because she gets so many. She usually has to pay for a night out (hen do), wedding outfit, present, travel, hotel etc. I always tell her to make her excuses and she'll save a fortune. Yes I am missing the point probably, and yes a little cynical - advance sorry about that :-)

Doesn't bother me... i'm going to give a gift, and I'd like it to be something that they want. Cash makes sense sometimes and is fine by me.

I've just got one with a poem telling me about their gift list or can give money. The couple are lovely but it did make me cringe.

I don't like the asking for money thing. The only time I genuinely gave it very happily was when my friend asked for British Heart Foundation contributions instead and gave a link in the invite. Everyone complied.

I've been invited to weddings of distant relatives who I barely know, cost us a fortune to get there and stay there. To be honest, I would have found a fantastic gift for under £30 (and no not tat) but instead I feel very embarrassed putting £30 in an envelope. Also, I haven't had a thank you card for any wedding since 2004 so it feels a bit weird.

Me and my dh have been together 16 years and married for 13. We STILL don't have everything we need so I just don't get it.

I still use and have most of my wedding gifts. Everything from beautiful artwork to luxury blankets. I still remember who gave them to me.

We got married last year and when we sent save the date cards, our friends and family already began asking what we'd like for gifts. We'd just bought a house so the John Lewis gift list was great for us. We got everything we needed and didn't end up with 17 woks.
Our friends got married last weekend and have a similar situation, although they have a house full of what they need so their request was money towards a honeymoon next year.
In both situations, nobody was made to feel like they had to buy something. Guests want to give you something - be that vouchers, cash or a gift. Our friends said the gift list was a life saver as they didn't have to think about what to get and they knew we'd want it. In our friends situation, there were lots of relatives from overseas coming to the wedding so they said being able to make a honeymoon donation was easy and again, they knew it was what they wanted.
It shouldn't matter if you spent £1500 or £30,000 on your wedding. Friends and family want to celebrate with you and that includes giving a gift in whatever form that is.

YANBU. I think it's so crass! People spend so much money on their weddings. Just reign it in and pay for your own honeymoon/house deposit! My brother's invitation said if you wanted to give anything please donate to Oxfam. When I get married I'll not mention gifts at all, the people coming will know we don't expect amything. I love the shared picnic idea btw, so unpretentious!

Weddings are now really crass, and I don't understand how it's come about really.

Used to be the case that you had a gift list and sent it to those who ASKED.

You did not pre-empt any gift giving. Very, very simple. Could apply equally to those who want money.

Not sure if this is allowed, sure it will be removed if not, but www.patchwork.it solves all the problems around wedding lists and asking for money. It's brilliant - have a look!

sorry it's www.patchworkit.com

!!!

Definitely agree Clawdy!

We recently received an evening invite to a wedding from distant acquaintances. (Considered declining but we didn't have a valid reason to do so and it would have seemed really rude.)
Received - along with invite - cheesy poem and of course the formulaic "Dont want presents, just your presence" but followed by ""We would love some sun and contributions would be warmly welcomed" etc.

Went to evening do - 1 hour's drive each way so not able to drink - didn't know another soul at the wedding - B & G definitely aware of this. B & G said a quick hello to us but no introductions to anyone else. We ended up sat in a corner by ourselves with our sorry looking soft drinks. Felt REALLY uncomfortable as 90% of the guests were half our age. Quietly slipped away after 2 hours but with hindsight I definitely think we were invited to make up numbers - evening reception was a set price I understand for X number of people - and for our rather healthy cheque.

Will grow a pair and decline next time! Was not an enjoyable evening for us unfortunately.

Glove punch, Rafflesway. Years ago dh and I drove two hours to an old friend of dh's Evening Reception. We went in and everyone was still sitting at their tables, which was awkward. It gradually dawned on us that we were the only evening guests . There was no evening buffet, no welcome drink (not free bar, of course) - just a disco. We went home. And - took our present with us! Dh was furious and never spoke to this friend again. Christmas cards/Friends Reunited etc all ignored.

Well done Lady!

Strangely enough both DH and I suspected we too were the only evening guests as we didn't see anyone arrive after us and we were a few minutes early, plus everyone was in well established groups.

However, your situation sounds worse than ours was. I don't blame you for taking the gift home. That was just a dreadful situation to place you in. (At least our embarrassment was hidden by a very dark corner away from disco dance floor.)

I know when we married many moons ago we hardly saw each other all evening as we made a concerted effort to ensure everyone had a comfortable seat and had other like minded people to converse with. Isn't that just good manners or me showing my age again?