My neighbour has complained to my managing agent!

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

This is going to be long so apologies!

I moved in to my current house at the end of January.

Within a month or so I had my next door neighbour come banging on my door about 11.30pm at night telling me to move my car and being very unreasonable in his behaviour and attitude towards me. There was a thread on here about it.

They have consistently been aggressive towards me, especially the bloke as he has tried to intimidate me and threaten to have my car towed etc. I've only ever parked behind our houses twice since I've lived here, to avoid the drama! They also bang on the party wall if I ever have music on or a movie, or even if my 4 year old child cries.

I've put some artificial grass down in my back Garden, bought a patio set and a nice little chiminea to enjoy the lovely weather we've been having. Yesterday I got the paddling pool and sprinkler out for my DS and next door neighbours were out in their back garden making really loud passive aggressive comments about noise. This was about 5pm!

After DS went to his dad's for the night I had some friends round and we were all sat outside enjoying the weather, having food and drinks etc. There were 5 of us, including myself. I had music on from a Bluetooth speaker but it wasn't loud as it was on the table and we didn't have to strain to hear each other or shout or anything.

Anyway about 10.30pm she yelled from her bathroom window to shut the fuck up and slammed it shut. Then reopened it I obviously explained to my friends about their behaviour and I wasn't very nice in describing them and they most likely listened or heard.

Two friends left at 11pm and the three of us left went inside about 11.30pm roughly and went to bed.

Anyway my managing agents called me this morning to say they received an email complaint about noise last night. I explained I'd had difficulties with them since moving in and explained the bbq last night with four friends etc. I also told them of their constant banging on the wall and car parking fiasco. He sounded quite sympathetic and said there wasn't much they could do even if I was being disruptive. I also told them that my other neighbours are lovely and we get on well even though they are in their sixties! And they have never said I'm too noisy or anything. In fact they told me that everyone in the row of terraces get along well apart from that one couple as they don't like socialising and hate any sort of noisy activities.

I told the managing agent to tell next door neighbour to call the police if they are so concerned with my noise levels, as I know the police would most likely tell them to get a grip.

I've got another bbq this evening with 3 other friends and I'm anxious they are going to kick off with me or report me again! Even though I'm not actually being disruptive they just expect total silence!

How should I handle this? I'm a single mother in my mid twenties and they are easily mid forties and the bloke is very intimidating.

The OP is planning her second annoying evening in 2 nights. An occasional night and her neighbours have to live with it - twice in 2 nights is not compromising with your neghbours, it's being deliberately provoking.

Tent - We have so few nice days or so everyone would have us think , do I really need to check in with every man jack on the fucking block if I want to play a bit of music that may go on until it gets dark? And speak in my own garden?

Turn that on its head.

We have so few nice days that wouldn't it be nice to be able to sit in your own garden with a book and relax, rather than listen to the dickhead neighbours ghastly choice of music.

No wonder people have so much trouble with neighbours when there are so many completely incapable of understanding why someone doesn't want to listen to your racket.

We had neighbours like you. All through the summer there they were every nice evening all having a chat shouting their stupid heads off drinking and playing music in their garden. Makes you not want to live in your own house. Luckily most of the neighbours we have here have some consideration.

I think it's pretty rude to have music playing outside when you live in terraced properties, especially in the evening / at night. I think it's ok to sit out chatting having a bbq etc but I think you should be inside by ten thirty. When my nieghbours gave an indoor gathering, I can hear them through the walls, but it's muffled and I can ignore it. When it's outside I can hear every word they say and it is impossible to get to sleep.

For those who think it's fine to play music in the garden late at night, potentially keeping their neighbours awake when they have to get up early for work - would it be ok for the early risers to play music in their gardens (or homes) at 5.00 am? If it's ok late in the evening is it not ok to make a noise outside very early too?

I think that people often have no idea how much the noise of "chatting" can carry in the evening, when there is little background noise. I can clearly hear my friends 5 doors down (> 100 feet away). When the couple in the corner house have family over for a barbecue, we have to turn our tv up to an uncomfortable volume to be able to hear it over the hubbub of talking, and they are approx 80' away. (This is only a once a year event, so we don't mind, but if it was 2 nights running I'd be pretty pissed off). And volume increases exponentially according to the amount of wine taken on board.

When we have a barbecue (about twice a year) we start in the early afternoon and almost everyone staggers off pissed goes home by about 8. If they haven't, we adjourn indoors by 9, and close the back door and the main windows so we're not disturbing neighbours or keeping their kids awake.

People shouldn't have to close their doors and windows on warm nights just because someone else opts to entertain in their garden till 11 pm imo.

Complaining about your child playing is just unreasonable though, that's normal everyday noise imo.

What is the point of people suggesting that all those who don't like noise should go and live in a detached house in the middle of nowhere? I'm sure we would all love to live in a detached house if we could afford it.

Speaking as someone who has had to endure lots of ridiculously noisy neighbours ( to the point that I am now on edge if I see/hear that neighbours have friends over) I say you are unreasonable OP. Nothing more annoying that listening to a group of people with music 'having a chat' for hours on end. Especially when this involves at least one person having to shriek and whoop every few seconds which then means that all the others have to laugh along with them (yes, friend of next door neighbour, I'm talking about you).

Op, I imagine they are just becoming more ad more intolerant of you. No idea what you being 20 something and a single parent has to do with anything. Does this give you more rights to do as you please? I am interested to know if you have changed your views now since reading this thread or not.

Wow people have really latched onto the music thing and have totally ignored the fact the OP and her family are getting moaned at for just living their lives.

If they had acted reasonably in the first place they could have had a normal neighbour relationship where they could have asked the OP to turn the music off, instead they can't communicate with the OP properly and just swore at her. They have created the bad feeling not her.

Wow some people on here really need to get a life! I have music on in my garden with friends round till late and I never have complaints. Your neighbours sound like arseholes op.

Obviously be respectful with music and voice levels when it gets late but jeez your doing nothing wrong. If it happens again set them straight and tell them you'll be doing them for harassment. Really not on they are making you feel intimidated in your own home.

Have fun OP. I'll be doing the same tonight :) x

Sounds like your neighbours are a difficult lot. But if you're planning to live there for a while you don't want to piss them off even more.

Tonight I would do without the music and move indoors at 10pm. Just to keep the peace.

But carry on living your life the rest of the time, you're not doing anything wrong.

If people are so bothered by other people's noise then why not move to an isolated cottage in the middle of nowhere where.

Because some people dont have that choice. Why don't the noisy neighbours go and live in an isolated cottage somewhere instead?

x2boys there's a world of difference between treading on eggshells and being courteous to your neighbours though.

Really not on they are making you feel intimidated in your own home.

Of course intimidation is not on. But they don't need to 'get a life' because they don't appreciate late night entertainment outside their window.

Fuck's sake, people are miserable.

I live in a terrace with an estate behind it, so quite surrounded by neighbours. There are families, couples, houseshares, all sorts. Sometimes people sit outside and chat on nice nights. Sometimes they have music on. Not thumping through a sound system but, as the OP describes, on speakers/phones/whatever, at levels where they can
still hear themselves talk.

I like to go to bed early (10 ish). I have the window open when it's warm. I don't find that a few people chatting outside keeps me awake, or their music. Even if it did, I'd find it hard to be cross with them; we don't get much nice weather and everyone likes to make the most of it.

I think there's some nasty misogyny going on here, too, about groups of women and their 'shrieking'. How dare women get together with friends and laugh a bit?

Well, my neighbour with the shrieky friend has her and a bunch of others over twice a week for a few hours at a time. Over the weekends it can go on til around midnight and occasionally til 3 or 4 in the morning. It really is enough to drive you up the wall, especially when you also have to listen to to other neighbours around you having loud parties, hoovering at silly times, randoms walking past your window at 2am shouting and messing around and so on.

So you can't play music, drink or talk in your garden when it's hot?
What about the smell of the BBQ isn't that intrusive too, come on mumsnet let's ban anything remotely fun apart from siting quietly on your own in your garden.

hmm, that doesn't sound very much like what the OP is describing though.

I'd have asked you to be quiet at 10, shouted by 10.30 and thrown water at you by 11.30, when you eventually went inside. That's very unreasonable. Most of it makes it sound like they're bat shit, but you're not exactly Lilly white in this.

Thing is, music and chat can seem quiet to those involved, but the noise really travels in the evenings. Just last night my neighbours had a little get together and BBQ and as the evening progressed (and the booze flowed I suspect) the chat and laughter became louder. The quiet parts of the film I was watching (with my windows closed BTW) was punctuated by them. It went on until 10.45pm. If I was in bed trying to sleep it would've peed me off a bit, and even more so if they made a habit of it.

Fwiw when I've lived in a terraced house I wouldn't have ever played music in the garden. It really carries and it's annoying. Loud chatting can be annoying too but I do think it's U to complain about that up until about 10.

You can't do stuff like this in a terraced house ffs! If you want a night out, go to town or a beer garden like everyone else in the same position! And why are your friends coming to you two nights running? Don't they have gardens as well?

How rude. Turn the music off, you have neighbours. Drop the wide eyed act and imagine you are the one trying to sleep.

I don't think I've ever seen a thread which epitomised the epithet 'whinging pom' quite so perfectly.
Honestly, if you live in a city, or a town, or, like me, in an apartment block, hearing other people's noise is just life.
Theupstairs fucking neighbours here finished up at five am on Saturday morning, even after I went up there at quarter past three, asking them ot turn it down. I could hear every frequency, understand every word in every song. It was loud.
The OP isn't being unreasonable, at all. Expecting silence from 10pm on, every night, is.

Thanks for everyones comments. I've had worse lashings on here!

Special thanks to the judgy posters informing me that I'm desecrating the good name of private tenants everywhere

Last night we stayed in doors and a few friends only went outside for cigarettes every so often. Music was still played but inside my kitchen and still at a low level.

I appreciate that many people think that playing music amd having gatherings in back gardens is horribly rude but that's not something I'm ever going to agree with. However I do now see that keeping the music on until late is quite inconsiderate of those neighbours so will turn music off after 9pm.

I heard annoying louder music from a few doors down last night. Through the open window of my converted attic bedroom area. Kept playing probably in a garden until midnight. Nothing worse when sound travels.