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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My neighbour has complained to my managing agent!

210 replies

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 27/05/2017 14:43

This is going to be long so apologies! Blush

I moved in to my current house at the end of January.

Within a month or so I had my next door neighbour come banging on my door about 11.30pm at night telling me to move my car and being very unreasonable in his behaviour and attitude towards me. There was a thread on here about it.

They have consistently been aggressive towards me, especially the bloke as he has tried to intimidate me and threaten to have my car towed etc. I've only ever parked behind our houses twice since I've lived here, to avoid the drama! They also bang on the party wall if I ever have music on or a movie, or even if my 4 year old child cries.

I've put some artificial grass down in my back Garden, bought a patio set and a nice little chiminea to enjoy the lovely weather we've been having. Yesterday I got the paddling pool and sprinkler out for my DS and next door neighbours were out in their back garden making really loud passive aggressive comments about noise. This was about 5pm!

After DS went to his dad's for the night I had some friends round and we were all sat outside enjoying the weather, having food and drinks etc. There were 5 of us, including myself. I had music on from a Bluetooth speaker but it wasn't loud as it was on the table and we didn't have to strain to hear each other or shout or anything.

Anyway about 10.30pm she yelled from her bathroom window to shut the fuck up and slammed it shut. Then reopened it Confused I obviously explained to my friends about their behaviour and I wasn't very nice in describing them and they most likely listened or heard.

Two friends left at 11pm and the three of us left went inside about 11.30pm roughly and went to bed.

Anyway my managing agents called me this morning to say they received an email complaint about noise last night. I explained I'd had difficulties with them since moving in and explained the bbq last night with four friends etc. I also told them of their constant banging on the wall and car parking fiasco. He sounded quite sympathetic and said there wasn't much they could do even if I was being disruptive. I also told them that my other neighbours are lovely and we get on well even though they are in their sixties! And they have never said I'm too noisy or anything. In fact they told me that everyone in the row of terraces get along well apart from that one couple as they don't like socialising and hate any sort of noisy activities.

I told the managing agent to tell next door neighbour to call the police if they are so concerned with my noise levels, as I know the police would most likely tell them to get a grip.

I've got another bbq this evening with 3 other friends and I'm anxious they are going to kick off with me or report me again! Even though I'm not actually being disruptive they just expect total silence!

How should I handle this? I'm a single mother in my mid twenties and they are easily mid forties and the bloke is very intimidating.

OP posts:
consciencemakescowards · 27/05/2017 15:23

I have never played music in my garden. Why should anyone else have to listen just because I feel like it? I don't understand why people can't wash their cars without playing music either though!

Maudlinmaud · 27/05/2017 15:25

We have bbqs and friends round all the time in the summer. Last night we sat out until late but didn't have music on. I have neighbours but they aren't that close by and even in these circumstances I wouldn't play music late into the evening. The reason being I'm not sure how tolerant I'd be if I could hear neighbours music if I was in bed.

harderandharder2breathe · 27/05/2017 15:25

I would've been annoyed if I was your neighbour. Groups of people in gardens talking and laughing with music is really loud, especially when you have windows open because of the heat. 10.30pm is fairly late imo. And if you did the same again tonight I'd be really annoyed.

I'm not a twat though so wouldn't have come round and shouted nor would I have complained to your ll unless it became a regular thing. But I would be pissed off.

crazykitten20 · 27/05/2017 15:27

I have neighbours who have music playing after 11 pm. It wouldn't be a problem in the winter because my windows are shut. At 20 degrees C my windows are open. I find the music annoying. I don't say anything because I'm a woose. But i find it selfish and thoughtless. I go to sleep about 10 pm because I have to get up very early (carer)

Just because your other neighbours don't say anything doesn't make you right.

Leanback · 27/05/2017 15:31

I think music after 9pm in the garden is a bit unreasonable as that's when people do start to go to be - however the rest is fine.

Runny · 27/05/2017 15:31

Ffs. The op hasn't had a party, she had a small group of friends around in the evening. Loud, rowdy people, thumping, music during the early hours on a week night, fair enough complain away. A small gathering on a Friday night with a blue tooth speaker that's over well before midnight, get a life. This is normal neighbourly noise!

If you cant handle a bit of normal, neighbourly noise go and live in a detached house in the middle of nowhere and stop expecting the world to revolve around you.

I'd make a point of turning up the music especially loud tonight. Just to let them know you won't be bullied.

Maudlinmaud · 27/05/2017 15:32

Actually the age of the other neighbour who hasn't complained makes a bit of sense in the circumstances. They probably have their windows closed even in this heat and therefore the noise isn't bothering them. I'm just going on my experience with family members who even in summer feel the chill. Might be wrong though.

SnickersWasAHorse · 27/05/2017 15:33

If you cant handle a bit of normal, neighbourly noise go and live in a detached house in the middle of nowhere and stop expecting the world to revolve around you.

I love this nonsensical argument. Perhaps someone who wants to be noisy should go and buy a detached house in the middle of nowhere?

As it is I don't think that the op was being overly noisy but it's hard to tell.

As for turning it up extra loud, what a mature reaction.

IsadoraQuagmire · 27/05/2017 15:35

I guess I just don't understand the concept that one neighbours needs trump another?

But you think your need to play music that other neighbours can hear, talk loudly in the garden, and have barbecues (which always stink disgustingly) trumps your neighbours' needs?

I'm younger than you OP, and I think people who behave like this in terraces are horribly anti social.

TentUpFirstBunkUpLater · 27/05/2017 15:35

You lot are unbelievable. I live in a terrace. There are families with children, elderly inhabitants and also couples with no children or older teens; so a good mix.

Everyone uses their garden to their own enjoyment - screaming/laughing children/squeaky trampolines in fact I can hear it squeaking now /late music/parties. No-one has knocked on anyone's door or shouted to anyone to shut up. Or called environmental health. We even sometimes mow the lawn a bit late 7.30

The weather is lovely at the moment, we need to make the most of it.

OP, I am with you; enjoy yourself Grin Grin Wine Wine

TentUpFirstBunkUpLater · 27/05/2017 15:37

Oh yes and agree with Runny

Lostwithinthehills · 27/05/2017 15:37

I know from experience that a group of people drinking, chatting and laughing in a neighbouring garden until 11:30pm is really flipping annoying. Throw some tinny music into the mix and the annoyance factor escalates. Why should neighbours have to close their windows in hot temperatures to try to shut out the noise you're making so they can try to sleep? You might be child free with no work for the weekend but you can't assume your neighbours have the luxury of a weekend lie in. Why should you and your friends get to dictate when others can sleep anyway? In this particular scenario your immediate neighbours have undermined their complaint about you but if they hadn't it would have been valid.

Original poster
HappyGoLuckyGirl · 27/05/2017 15:38

Okay, so like I said the main issue seems to be the music. And I've said I will turn it off when it gets late. 10ish?

I think the fact that they've had a go at me over parking (They think the space outside their house belongs to them and no one else is allowed to park there) and plus the banging on the wall whilst watching tv, kids playing etc. has exacerbated the issue.

If none of that had happened and they popped their heads over/out the window and just said they were trying to sleep could we keep it down, I imagine I would be a lot more inclined to keep the noise down.

But when I'm yelled at for parking, made to feel like I constantly have to hush my 4 year old when he's crying or playing, I feel like ai can't do anything! Including have friends round for a few drinks!

OP posts:
Dawndonnaagain · 27/05/2017 15:40

FFS. OP has made it clear that the music was on quietly not blasting out, she had some friends round and they were chatting, not singing and dancing. On occasion her child cries and she gets into trouble for it. The neighbours are at fault here, not the op.

BoraThirch · 27/05/2017 15:41

I'd carry on exactly as you are. If they continue to harass and intimidate you report it to local pcso, its antisocial.

tigo · 27/05/2017 15:42

5 women drinking wine and listening to music in a terraced garden till 11pm? Of course you were a disturbance. You sound very entitled.

honeyroar · 27/05/2017 15:42

Wouldn't it be more sensible (and effective) to look out of your window and say "please can you keep the noise down a bit, I've got work in the morning" rather than shouting "shut the f up" and slamming the window?

I have barely any neighbours, hate noise and am antisocial, but even I could cope with a bit of music and five people in a garden at 10pm on a weekend.

sunshinesupermum · 27/05/2017 15:43

Maud as someone in her 60s I can vouch that age has nothing to do with it. Sure I sleep with my windows open on a hot night just as all the OP neighbours probably do, whatever their age! Do you think once we reach the age of 60 we no longer feel the heat or hear noise? Seriously. You're having a laugh!

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 27/05/2017 15:46

In all honestly thy may dislike the music, however there is sweet FA they can do about it, as you say if they have complaints, then advise them to contact their local council, I would have a differing opinion if you were having parties every other day, however as a one off, then in all honestly they need to move elsewhere if they cannot handle it.

drinkingtea · 27/05/2017 15:46

TentUp is exactly right.

Of course a complaint wouldn't have been valid in any meaningful way unless the noise went on past 11pm.

I work shifts too, including one weekend a month, mostly earliest involving leaving the house at 5:30am. It doesn't entitle me to yell at my neighbors if the are enjoying the warm evening in the garden at 10pm. The only thing I've ever complained about was a big gathering of quad bikes outside their house revving and revving continuously for over half an hour - it was very loud indeed, but only happened once.

Actually my neighbor is snoring very loudly in his garden atm and must be sitting/ lying on a lounger right by our fence which is annoying, maybe I'll put some music on to drown it out :o

Original poster
HappyGoLuckyGirl · 27/05/2017 15:47

tigo if I was entitled I don't think I would have posted here or agreed that perhaps music late at night was the best idea and turning it off may be the best option.

As for 5 women drinking wine, there's where I draw the line. Yes, I am allowed to sit in my back garden with a few friends and have a chat. Even if it does get late.

OP posts:
thinkabout · 27/05/2017 15:47

Do you know neighbours circumstances OP? Whilst I personally don't think having a small garden party with music until 11.30pm is particularly late if it's the weekend, but I do if it's a school night and people have to be up for work but that is what I'm asking in terms of knowing your neighbour circumstances, such as I may not think it's too late but I don't work weekends whereas my DH is up at 4.30 am over a weekend so 11.30 pm is late for him. Also you say you're not being loud but noise travels when all the surrounding area is quiet, I live in a detached house with a large garden but the noise from the neighbours certainly does travel late on a night especially when someone suddenly laughs out loud and also in this heat people are struggling to sleep and definitely need windows open.

daisypond · 27/05/2017 15:51

I think playing music outside at any time of day is not on, unless you pre-warn your neighbour that you'll be playing music, and it doesn't happen frequently. Where I live (terraced house) people would generally never play music outside. Last time it happened - maybe a year ago - neighbours told everyone that were having a birthday do and there would be music, and told everyone what time it would finish - by 11pm. All that was fine, of course.

Lostwithinthehills · 27/05/2017 15:53

Well, I guess there's a difference between being 'allowed' to make noise in your garden until late at night and being thoughtful enough to accept it could be genuinely annoying to some of your neighbours and heading indoors by 10pm.

Counterpane · 27/05/2017 15:54

It's interesting that the aggressive male neighbour didn't come hammering on the door when there were witnesses and the OP wasn't alone.

They sound like bullies. Is there any chance your DS's dad could have a word if they complain about his 4-year-old making normal noise?