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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My neighbour has complained to my managing agent!

210 replies

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 27/05/2017 14:43

This is going to be long so apologies! Blush

I moved in to my current house at the end of January.

Within a month or so I had my next door neighbour come banging on my door about 11.30pm at night telling me to move my car and being very unreasonable in his behaviour and attitude towards me. There was a thread on here about it.

They have consistently been aggressive towards me, especially the bloke as he has tried to intimidate me and threaten to have my car towed etc. I've only ever parked behind our houses twice since I've lived here, to avoid the drama! They also bang on the party wall if I ever have music on or a movie, or even if my 4 year old child cries.

I've put some artificial grass down in my back Garden, bought a patio set and a nice little chiminea to enjoy the lovely weather we've been having. Yesterday I got the paddling pool and sprinkler out for my DS and next door neighbours were out in their back garden making really loud passive aggressive comments about noise. This was about 5pm!

After DS went to his dad's for the night I had some friends round and we were all sat outside enjoying the weather, having food and drinks etc. There were 5 of us, including myself. I had music on from a Bluetooth speaker but it wasn't loud as it was on the table and we didn't have to strain to hear each other or shout or anything.

Anyway about 10.30pm she yelled from her bathroom window to shut the fuck up and slammed it shut. Then reopened it Confused I obviously explained to my friends about their behaviour and I wasn't very nice in describing them and they most likely listened or heard.

Two friends left at 11pm and the three of us left went inside about 11.30pm roughly and went to bed.

Anyway my managing agents called me this morning to say they received an email complaint about noise last night. I explained I'd had difficulties with them since moving in and explained the bbq last night with four friends etc. I also told them of their constant banging on the wall and car parking fiasco. He sounded quite sympathetic and said there wasn't much they could do even if I was being disruptive. I also told them that my other neighbours are lovely and we get on well even though they are in their sixties! And they have never said I'm too noisy or anything. In fact they told me that everyone in the row of terraces get along well apart from that one couple as they don't like socialising and hate any sort of noisy activities.

I told the managing agent to tell next door neighbour to call the police if they are so concerned with my noise levels, as I know the police would most likely tell them to get a grip.

I've got another bbq this evening with 3 other friends and I'm anxious they are going to kick off with me or report me again! Even though I'm not actually being disruptive they just expect total silence!

How should I handle this? I'm a single mother in my mid twenties and they are easily mid forties and the bloke is very intimidating.

OP posts:
MakeJam · 28/05/2017 05:10

Sorry I didn't read the whole thread. I think you should check your lease to see if there is a clause excluding making loud noise/playing music during a specified period of time. Mine is 11pm to 7am. You don't want to get yourself evicted on the grounds of noise.

Talking and music does carry at night and on hot nights people like to have their windows open. I'd be irritated by talking and music outside my bedroom window after 10pm. And I hate other people's shitty music being inflicted on me too. Early riser here.

ChinaRose · 28/05/2017 05:42

Op - you give tenants a bad name. The music is unacceptable in built up areas. You need to be more considerate. You sound annoying as hell to be honest! This is why landlords (Inc me) profile prospective tenants. You have to be considerate in terraced housing. Nothing worse than being forced to listen to other people's music till 11pm when it's so hot and your Windows are open.

Trifleorbust · 28/05/2017 05:49

Oh I didn't realise it was a terraced house. Urgh. I have the worst memories of being subjected to the 'quiet music' of people who had absolutely no idea what appropriate noise levels sound like.

InfiniteSheldon · 28/05/2017 05:51

I lived in a small terrace for twenty years, none of us had music in the garden or were out there in the evening.. yabu

pringlecat · 28/05/2017 08:20

I used to live in a garden flat with a shared garden. One day, it was really lovely weather, so one of the neighbours decided to throw a get together in the garden for her friends. Sound familiar, OP?

Despite having the windows closed, the sound of the music travelled as if I was in the garden. And the voices? They travelled too. When people are laughing and chatting after a bottle of wine, their voices get louder and louder and louder.

She was a lovely person, but her summer parties were the worst. I'm sure like you she didn't think she was being loud or unreasonable, but she trashed my sleep and always ruined the day for me, due to me being sleep deprived.

Some of us do have to get up early on a Saturday morning, so holding a party on a Friday isn't necessarily more considerate than any other day of the week. I never confronted her, but I did move.

It sounds like some of your neighbours' behaviour has been unreasonable thus far (am I right in reading that there is an unallocated public parking space in front of their house that you keep using?) but you're responding by digging your heels in and having annoying parties in the garden. If you and your neighbours keep trying to annoy each other, things are only going to escalate.

Might be time to back down and try to open a dialogue...

Completeguess · 28/05/2017 08:29

An occasional one-off, fine, but two outdoor parties or whatever you want to call it two evenings in a row is a bit much.

I used to have neighbours in a terraced house who always threw a party on a Sunday night before a bank holiday and I used to dread it.

Craigie · 28/05/2017 08:34

Keep a diary of all the times you believe they are being unreasonable. Keep video clips of your BBQ's, kids playing, etc. so you have a record of the actual noise levels you are creating.

Whisky2014 · 28/05/2017 08:36

It's about compromises op.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 28/05/2017 08:44

Can I just say as one of those 'fucking bores' who is often having to put up with this 'small gatherings' from various houses on regular occassions. I'd be a lot more tolerable if said neighbours actually forewarned me. It doesn't take much does it? "Hi Pixies, just to let you know I'm having a small gathering/party/bbq tonight, if it gets too much just knock on". In the six years I've been here I've only ever had one party neighbour out of several do this. I much prefer being forewarned about it that I do my children being rudely woken up because the neighbour thinks its acceptable to start blasting their music at 9pm at night. If I'd have been forewarned I could have moved the DCs into my bedroom out the way or the noise etc. Before anyone starts, I didnt 'choose' to live here and common courtesy doesn't cost much.

OP I'd also double check you aren't being unreasonable in your noise levels before you possibly involve other people, I say this as someone who's friends neighbour reported her for harassment, said friend had already had EH out and the noise recording equipment installed and it was quote clear who was the one causing a nuisance, it wasn't my friend!

The 11pm thing is a bit of a myth too, an old uni friend of mine who lives in Brighton once had trouble with a house on their street having all night and all day raves. Their equipment was still confiscated even though a majority ot it was in 'reasonable hours'.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 28/05/2017 08:45

*quite not quote.

x2boys · 28/05/2017 08:46

Bloody hell theres some uptight people on this thread i live in a council house we live three houses in a row i,m at one end of it each of our gardens have very low fencing so theres noise sometimes but its not unbearable plus its summer people are out in their gardensHmm

x2boys · 28/05/2017 08:52

i used to work nights and lived in a groundfloor flat people were constantly in and out of the front door waking me up during the day ,thats life, you cant expect people to not make any noise at all because of different people shift patterns.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 28/05/2017 09:07

I'm quite surprised by the responses on this thread tbh. I used to live in a row of terraces, one of our neighbours was quite social, there would be BBQs in summer, Halloween parties etc. Never really loud but certainly louder than the OP describes. So what? It wasn't every weekend, they were nice enough people. It's just part and parcel of living in such close proximity to other people.

Another neighbour used to do a lot of woodwork in his garden, he used to have music on while he did it, he had terrible taste. It didn't occur to me to get all upset and complain. It's just life noise. Besides, nobody complained to me when DS2 was going through a particularly screamy tantrum stage so swings and roundabouts.

Joey7t8 · 28/05/2017 09:09

I don't think that there's anything wrong with chatting with friends in the garden. The problem is that when you add wine into the mix, the participants' volume cranks up significantly without them realising. Add in intermittent shrieking of laughter, and I can imagine that 5 women 'chatting' into the night outside your bedroom window could get quite annoying.

Oliversmumsarmy · 28/05/2017 09:12

If people are so bothered by other people's noise then why not move to an isolated cottage in the middle of nowhere where.

If you live cheek by jowel with other people you have to get used to the fact that there will be constant background noise.

People play music indoors and out children cry, they will have groups of people over occassionly who will chat laugh and sing in their back gardens and dogs will bark. It is called living with neighbours.

peaceloveandbiscuits · 28/05/2017 09:20

They are clearly arseholes about the car, and about your child making normal child noises (including using the garden and crying), but when it's this hot, I want to be able to open my windows and not hear people talking and music playing outside up to 11pm.
However quiet you think you're being, any conversation is loud and intrusive when you're in bed. I think common courtesy dictates that you should come inside after 9:30pm at the latest.
Would you be outside making noise until 11pm if your little boy was trying to sleep? Would you complain if another neighbour was keeping him up until that time two nights in a row?
When you live in a terraced house you need to be mindful of everyone around you. Of course you can enjoy your garden, but set yourself a reasonable curfew, for everyone else's comfort.

alreadytaken · 28/05/2017 09:22

If people are so keen to make lots of noise then why not move to an isolated cottage in the middle of nowhere where they can do so without being annoying and ruining life for other people.

There are many people who have no choice over living cheek by jowel with inconsiderate neighbours. Most people in that position compromise, it's called living with neighbours.

ptumbi · 28/05/2017 09:32

But having quiet music and talking - is NOT being inconsiderate!

Do people really come inside at 9 o'clock on a beautiful summer evening? No music outside AT ALL? No BBQ? No wine? In your own garden?

Why not try having a bit of (quiet) fun one weekend?

FanjoForTheMammaries · 28/05/2017 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuimJongUn · 28/05/2017 09:39

A 'quiet chat' with friends can be anything but on a still night, with wine involved, and music (however quiet) thrown into the mix. If your (or DC's) bedroom window overlooks the garden where this 'quiet' gathering is taking place, it can sound like it's in the room with you.

Nobody's suggesting the OP shouldn't enjoy her garden, but why shouldn't her neighbours be able to enjoy their peace and quiet, too? The key word here is compromise. Take your music inside after about 9/10pm, and don't do it two nights in a row.

SkyBluePinkToday · 28/05/2017 09:40

YABVVVVVVVVVVU
Really selfish to play music and chat outside until that time when everyone's windows are open because of the heat.
But I suspect you won't care - after all it is your RIGHT and you are ENTITLED to do whatever you want in your own garden.

SmileEachDay · 28/05/2017 09:43

You give tenants a bad name

What a weird comment....

peaceloveandbiscuits · 28/05/2017 10:01

Shock horror, it's actually possible to have fun and enjoy the weather, and still be considerate neighbours. It's not an all or nothing situation.

Kokusai · 28/05/2017 10:04

Op - you give tenants a bad name.

ODFOD

The Op has had friends round ONCE. With some quiet music and it was over by 11.30.

You should try living near people who really are inconsiderate.

SuperBeagle · 28/05/2017 10:09

Why can't you enjoy the nicer weather through the day? Why do you need to be out until 11:30pm two nights in a row just to "enjoy the weather"?

YY to the PP who asked how you'd feel about peoples' music and drunken chatting keeping your son awake.

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