You're just jealous

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

AIBU to think that this is a very unintelligent way to deal with someone disagreeing with you?

When I first started on Mumsnet I was on a thread about private education and I said I was opposed to the ideology. Someone came back and said "you're just jealous" and I thought what?? what the actual?? I thought this place had a reputation for smart thinking and interesting discourse.

And all these years later, it still irritates me just as profoundly. I shouldn't let it wind me up, but I wish people could be a bit more imaginative and just, well, smarter I suppose.

Do you genuinely think anyone is jealous of you?

We started our married life with no money and our then 3 kids in state education. Shortly after we started our own business which over the last few years has grown substantially. 9 years later and 2 further children and now into private schooling I am judged as being posh and rich. Neither could be further from the truth. Having dealt with the state school system for several years I am completely happy with the non luxury holidays, mortgaged up to the hilt, no expensive cars, and definitely no lavish lifestyle. We struggle massively to afford private education but feel that it is worth it. Until we entered private education I had a different opinion however most people on this path are very much like ourselves and just struggle to afford the fees, they are not a different class nor born rich they just work extremely hard to maintain it. Am I jealous of the super rich - absolutely - but am I happy with the choices I have made - You Bet!!

when they complain of people spending money or being overly spendie...people will complain at them when I know I just know we'd all be spending like them if only we could

I don't think I would, you know. But it is hard for people for whom, say, a thousand pounds would solve all their problems to hear of Ivanka Trump wearing a jacket worth many times that amount.

I agree!!! People who say you are jealous without any evidence are being spectacularly unimaginative ~ to me it's like blowing a raspberry half the time. Grow up and make a good counter-argument or STFU is what I would like to say to them.

when I know I just know we'd all be spending like them if only we could
You spend what you have but however rich I was I couldn't spend say 200k on a dress when people in the world are starving. There are plenty of wealthy people who aren't ostentatious. Bill Gates? Stephen King? That's a personal choice thing though, if someone else wants to buy that 200k dress that's fair enough.

I think the jealousy reason can be used in some contexts (NOT in debates like private/state school) but for the sort of barbed comments such as 'I really like your new haircut! It looks SO much better!'. Personally I found it reassuring when my mum dismissed low-level nastiness by saying 'they're just jealous' - not because I was or had anything to be jealous of but because it meant it was about them, not me. I could just shrug it off then. Not as an answer to serious bullying though obvs

On MN I've been told I'm jealous of SAHMs, people with large families, thin people, young women...

I can hand on heart say that 100% of those posters got it wrong.

I see and hear this all the time!

Say you don't like someone's car? You're jealous
Say you're not a fan of the Spanish clothes the majority dress their children in where I live? Jealous
Don't like that persons clothes? Yep, jealous

Can't someone just not like something?!?