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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

You're just jealous

157 replies

bibbitybobbityyhat · 26/05/2017 10:30

AIBU to think that this is a very unintelligent way to deal with someone disagreeing with you?

When I first started on Mumsnet I was on a thread about private education and I said I was opposed to the ideology. Someone came back and said "you're just jealous" and I thought what?? what the actual?? I thought this place had a reputation for smart thinking and interesting discourse.

And all these years later, it still irritates me just as profoundly. I shouldn't let it wind me up, but I wish people could be a bit more imaginative and just, well, smarter I suppose.

Do you genuinely think anyone is jealous of you?

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 26/05/2017 11:04

"There's a real fallacy in your logic. If they weren't advantaged then there'd be nothing to whinge about. If they are (and they are) then it comes back to jealousy or sour grapes."

Have you ever heard the word "principles"?

usershitloadofnumbers · 26/05/2017 11:08

sometimes it's actually quite funny. Say anything negative about Kate Middleton and Kim Kardashian and compare the comments.

Other times, the complaints on some threads are so irrational and judgmental that I can't find any other basis than jealousy. Why would anyone even care if they were not jealous?

Original poster

bibbitybobbityyhat · 26/05/2017 11:13

Gosh, it didn't take long did it?

OP posts:

MaroonPencil · 26/05/2017 11:14

Sorry, I know this isn't a private education thread, but: I struggle to believe that any parents would disadvantage their children because of their ideology and that if you gave someone vouchers for a great private school education, they would be taken rather than refused.

I would refuse, because I don't think the advantages of private education outweigh the disadvantages, both socially and individually.

SongforSal · 26/05/2017 11:18

The very first post I ever wrote on here....I was met with a lot of people saying 'You're just jealous'. No. No I wasn't. Luckily smarter mnetters came in to defend me. Really wound me up.

lanouvelleheloise · 26/05/2017 11:30

Yeah, it's a really stupid reaction. The thing that's most depressing about it is that it reduces everyone to the same selfish motivations. People aren't all the same - some are selfish, others are really nice.

Bluntness100 · 26/05/2017 11:33

You see this all the time. And it's usually about expensive things, education, cars, homes, whatever, where people say well I disagree with you having a private education, big car, large house whatever and i wouldn't have those things even if I could afford them, but they are not a realistic choice for me. The natural thing is to say it's jealousy because if people come into money they often then run out and buy a big house or a big car and if timing right send their kids to private school.

However accusing folks of being jealous is pointless. They are hardly going to say yes that's true. They will simply get pissed off. I wouldn't let it bother you. It's all a bit silly really.

GourmetGold · 26/05/2017 11:37

You are def not being unreasonable!

It must cut them like a knife that someone dislikes/ really doesn't care about what they are using to prop up their fragile egos ....sadly trying hard to be 'better' than others, like life is some big competition (YAWN)....they throw out "you're just jealous" in desperation.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 26/05/2017 11:37

Couldn't agree with your more OP.

I don't privately educate my children nor holiday in Dubai. By choice. Don't criticise or judge others that do. Don't have a giant car either.

I'm happy with my life, thank you, but wouldn't turn down a couple of million for a great house (I live in an expensive area).

DonaldJBottyburp · 26/05/2017 11:42

It really does show a singular lack of imagination.

You're just jealous of people with a singular lack of imagination.

WhereIsTheLikeButton · 26/05/2017 11:47

Well all I can say that there is a lot of jealous people on this site, like there is in the real world.

I recently for accused of implying that I am rich because I said they £10 is literally pennies.

VolunteerAsTribute · 26/05/2017 11:48

JigglyTuff

Proven what point? I've never said it out loud but I think it.

You can't change a persons intellect or ability but you can create an environment which fosters it and helps them get closer to the highest-achieving version of themselves. This is done through hiring the best teachers (higher salaries and perks), smaller classes and better resources.

If independent schools weren't a benefit to those going there thenno one would be able to complain about them. I guess the other alternative is that those who attend these schools have parents who were genetically predisposed to achieve a better salary and can therefore afford the fees; meaning their offspring are likely to be genetically predisposed to achieve more in their careers and so on.*

If you think there is no benefit to these schools, on what grounds can you protest?

BertrandRussell

Of course I've heard of them. They must be a real handicap

I think people would sacrifice their principles to help their children which is why I do think there's jealousy involved. I would.

CaptainBraandPants

I am a bit smug when they moan about the cost.

Will you be feeling as smug when your colleagues children get into better universities on the back of their better grades and get better jobs? They're likely to. Don't let that get in the way of your smugness though. It's such and endearing quality that you should let it shine through.

MaroonPencil

What disadvantages? Being sneered at by MN'ers is a fairly insignificant disadvantage if that's what you were referring to. If you were going to say that children who attend indpendent schools are somehow less able to cope with social situations then you need to look in the mirror and think long and hard about your own prejudice.

*This started off tongue in cheek, but I wonder if there is some glimmer of truth and Darwinism here.

JigglyTuff · 26/05/2017 11:53

You've proven the lack of imagination that Bibbity was describing in her first post.

I am privately educated. I have chosen not to educate my children privately because I am fundamentally opposed to it. Another bonus is that I get to avoid people like you :)

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 26/05/2017 11:55

Volunteer, I think the social aspect people are concerned about is that kids going to certain private schools will grow up to be selfish arseholes.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 26/05/2017 11:56

I agree with you OP.

It also sets my teeth on edge when people trot out that 'disingenuous' shite also. '

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 26/05/2017 11:56

Jiggly, almost X post.

Puffpaw · 26/05/2017 11:57

Jealous - fiercely protective of one's rights or possessions.
Envious - wishing you had what another person has.
You are all envious of my superior knowledge.

Puffpaw · 26/05/2017 11:58

From a private education too

BlurryFace · 26/05/2017 11:59

It's patronising as fuck, it's the sort of useless thing adults say to children who've been bullied

YoloSwaggins · 26/05/2017 12:01

Haha, I've seen this so much in some of the threads here"!

"Why do people dress in ugly clothes and all look the same" - you're just jealous!

"Why do people live in too big houses?" - you're just jealous!

Yes, people ask a question about why people do things they don't like and the standard response is "you're just jealous". Yes. I'm sure the OPs of those threads were really jealous of people's ripped black Primark jeans and 4 empty rooms that needed weekly cleaning....

BertrandRussell · 26/05/2017 12:02

"It also sets my teeth on edge when people trot out that 'disingenuous' shite also."

The thing is, people often are being disingenuous. Or, at least, it's often the kindest thing to assume they are. Otherwise levels of stupidity are much higher than I like to think........

sooperdooper · 26/05/2017 12:02

It gets trotted on on wedding forums loads!

Bridezilla complains about her sister/maid of honour/friend not being interested enough in her wedding/not wanting to spend ££ on hen dos etc and it's all 'oh she's just jealous hun, it's your wedding so what you want' rather than 'stop being a spoilt brat, of course your wedding isn't the most important thing to everyone in the world!'

Vonklump · 26/05/2017 12:04

No, to the OP's question, but I had a previous flatmate who used to make digs at me. I thought she was just being rude albeit correct with her personal remarks, but a work colleague overheard me grumbling about a comment to someone, and just looked at me and said, "She's jealous."

Would never occur to me.

I was slated for a comment years ago on here, OP, and similarly a few people told me I had no idea what I was talking about. Except the example they used to demonstrate why I had no clue described me.
Couldn't be bothered to argue with someone who was going to make such a quick assumption, and I neither knew not cared about, but I haven't forgotten it, so it clearly still irks me.

sooperdooper · 26/05/2017 12:05

Oh there was one in another forum where a woman was complaining her single, carefree sil with a good job spends all her money on multiple holidays but had never offered to babysit for her

Standard response 'she's just jealous' really?? Of what, the Sil's life sounded bloody great!!

NellieFiveBellies · 26/05/2017 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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