You're just jealous

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

AIBU to think that this is a very unintelligent way to deal with someone disagreeing with you?

When I first started on Mumsnet I was on a thread about private education and I said I was opposed to the ideology. Someone came back and said "you're just jealous" and I thought what?? what the actual?? I thought this place had a reputation for smart thinking and interesting discourse.

And all these years later, it still irritates me just as profoundly. I shouldn't let it wind me up, but I wish people could be a bit more imaginative and just, well, smarter I suppose.

Do you genuinely think anyone is jealous of you?

I'm against private education because it excludes poor children. Properly against it, didn't send children private.

But it is mostly better, to pretend otherwise is daft. I work in a private school and the year 2's and up have school iPads, beautiful grounds, fabulous food, tiny classes of 12-15.

The comment is never made in reverse though. It's always made when someone is slagging off something they personally can't attain.

For example no one says.

I think the state education system is a shambles so I privately educate my child, ,,oh you're just jealous.
I don't like living in a terraced house, i prefer detached,,,oh you're just jealous,
Clothes from primark are shite. Oh uoure just jealous.
I hate camping holidays in the uk, I prefer five star Caribbean. Oh you're just jealous.

It doesn't really work when what's being slagged off is easily attainable. In those instances it's usually responded to with you're a snob, you're materialistic etc.

It's all bonkers.

I was educated privately. We are educating our children privately. It was an easy decision to make initially but I now have ideological qualms about it. My dds are happy & they are receiving a very fine education. It doesn't seem right to move them because my views have changed.
Their peer groups and the parent bodies are definitely part of my reason for having reservations. I just see it as my role to ensure that they do not grow up entitled and imperious.
I definitely do not think other people who choose not to educate privately are jealous.

Clothes from primark are shite. Oh uoure just jealous.

I actually have seen this though!

I remember someone was saying that they don't like the grunge fashion right now because it looks scabby, and some replies literally said "you're just jealous".

You have to laugh.

You have to laugh

Yes that would make me chuckle as well.

It's all folks attacking each other for their choices. I tell you your choice is wrong, you tell me I'm jealous. Neither side comes out smelling of roses.

Ha Puffpaw I was about to offer the same definitions.
Went to the local comp

Of course people do commonly use jealous to mean envious.

Like OP I was struck by this on an education thread early in my time here. I received a spectacularly snooty riposte to a comment, along the lines of 'but are you able to understand that people choose private schools because they offer a wide range of desirable qualities and experiences, not just a good academic education'? Well yes, I am perfectly able - not being an utter fool, devoid of life experience or of imagination.

By far the more interesting question was and is 'can you, parent inclined towards paying for private education, envisage the reasons why someone might believe a state education is better for their child, because it offers a wide range of desirable qualities and experiences, not just a good academic education?'

Experience can certainly help one understand this but imagination, an open mind and research skills go a long way.

More widely, I think the jealousy accusation is generally used by shallow materialists, who are interested only in consuming stuff and lack the imagination or intelligence to comprehend that satisfaction in life might be achieved by means other than spending money. Dull, dull, dull.

"You're just jealous" totally disempowers the unfortunate from ever criticising the fortunate. The only people who have the power to criticise anything are those that are rich/beautiful/famous/successful enough to be able to have the thing, if they wanted it. Fuck that.

It is something your mum says to you when someone is picking on you at school.

Back to the present I remember getting into on online argument about page 3 girls. I was arguing against it and the person in favour said I was jealous of these pretty, young girls. I was trying to debate the whole philosophy behind getting your boobs out in a paper and she was having none of it.

It's just a quick and easy put down

Yes but sometimes people ARE just jealous

Rhetoric instead of reason

Yes, but you would need evidence of that instead of assuming just because, say, someone disagrees with you or doesn't like you for some reason. There are other reasons...

This isn't something I have ever really noticed IRL, but I have witnessed and experienced it loads of times on mumsnet.

I'm a normal, middle of the road type poster. Nice house, nice DH, nice marriage, children are nice and doing well at school, nice amount of money, nice holidays, nice job.. Basically a nice life all round.

But I can guarantee that if I ever cause an angry outburst from another poster, 99 times of a 100 a quick search of their name shows that they are living a considerably less than nice life. They either have health issues, or an unhappy relationship or challenging children or they can't afford holidays or live in a rough area or have a problem with alcohol. There's always something there.

It happens so many times on here, and not just to me that it can't just be coincidence.

It's such a lazy way of trying to close down discussion.

Last weekend someone started a thread on here asking why on earth Pippa Middleton's wedding was rolling news all day - fair question given that she's not an important or useful figure in society.

Answers were pretty much as follows:

• Well you must be interested in her, you've started a thread about it
• Jealous much?
• You're jealous
• Why are you talking about it if you're 'not interested'? Jealous by any chance?

Honestly, the concept of debating something purely for the enjoyment of nuanced discussion is fucking lost round here most of the time.

Of course we are all materialists to an extent. But there are choices to be made, for so many reasons. More and bigger is not always better.

An example from my life is that, having made ethical choices about food, people frequently use the shorthand 'oh, you're not allowed this are you?'. Allowed by whom, I wonder. The concept that I eat everything I want to - but that my wants are based on ethical choices as well as flavour - that there is no deprivation involved, is very confusing to people.

Volunteer You have very nicely completely missed my point. I'm sure it wasn't on purpose.
I'm not debating whether private education is better than state.
I was stating that I am not envious of those that do send their DC to private school and even if offered a free voucher, would not do so.
Maybe I won't be so smug when my colleagues all have better paid jobs than mine, but on the evidence I've seen so far, I'm not too concerned. DH and I seem to have done ok for ourselves without a private education, so maybe I'm biased.
I really hope you aren't jealous of me.

I have reverse experience which I will share to support the claim that it's utter bollocks. I am ginger. Had a slightly rough time as a kid with name calling and whatnot. I soon stopped relaying any of this to my (useless and horrible) mother as her single response was "they're just jealous".

No they're not! They're insecure little shits who have found something different about a person and are using it to bolster their esteem.

So yeah, it's probably rarely accurate as a description of someone's motivation in making a negative statement.

VolunteerAsTribute - I think people would sacrifice their principles to help their children ah that old chestnut, here are my principles, if you don't like them I have others!

I guess the other alternative is that those who attend these schools have parents who were genetically predisposed to achieve a better salary lovely 'tongue-in-cheek' comment, yes it's been a few years now that we've been able to identify the money gene, it's shown tremedous effects on quality of life, education and lifestyle, silly plebs don't seem to realise that some things are just not in their DNA! haha.

I always find it strange when people boil down the entire range of human emotion, with its nuances and mixed feelings, differing motivations and experiences; to jealousy.

People can feel more than that one emotion.

"It's patronising as fuck, it's the sort of useless thing adults say to children who've been bullied"

This is exactly it!

Jealousy/ envy is just a personality trait and not everyone has it. It's common yes, but some people are permenently envious of others and some don't care what others are up to.

I think people who accuse others of being jealous have very strong jealousy traits themselves, and just assume everyone is like them

I gave up on that Pippa Middleton thread too. Filled with people either wilfully missing the point or not having the wits about them to see what the point was.

Very amusingly has happened on this thread too! It's absolutely classic.

Volunteer if having a private school education means you come out of it writing posts as smug as yours to other mumsnetters, it just gives me yet another reason to add to my long list of why I will always oppose private schooling.

I cringed at your attempt at humour, especially challenging Bertrands point on principles. I'm embarrassed for you! (And definitley NOT jealous)

You also see it on the conspicuous consumption threads on here.

It's a way of shutting down debate by attacking the person rather than the argument. A variant of the ad hom attack I suppose.

I went to a shit local comp. To say that people aren't advantaged by private education just isn't true. It's an advantage on multiple levels: the school is less likely to have funding issues. Less likely to have pupils with severe issues, more likely to have the resources to have small groups with more individualised attention. But the real advantage is the mindset that's instilled and the people you mix with.
When I did my first degree I was mocked (yes, actually mocked) by our school 'careers advisor' for wanting to go to uni. When I got to uni, the difference in attitude of those who had been privately educated was stark. They started from a default position of 'yes of course I will succeed.' It's a huge difference. That is privilege - instead of having to fight to get somewhere you just assume it'll happen.
The advantages of mixing with those in power is huge too. The old boys network is still alive and well.

Would I send my kids to private school ? I'm not sure. It would depend on the alternatives. If the alternative was a school like the one I went to then yes I would. What we really need is equality of opportunity, and private schools perpetuate the opposite, so I'm a hypocrite. But I would do anything to avoid my kids going to a school as bad as the one I went to - it really was appalling.