To be fucking furious with dh

[NapQueen]

Over a fidget spinner of all things!

Dd (5) wanted a fidget spinner. We started giving her pocket money so she could save for one. After three weeks she had enough. Dh ordered her one from ebay (dunno why he didnt just take her to a shop to buy one but hey ho). It took the best part of a week to arrive.

Arrived yesterday. She had a play with it before bed. This morning she got up and after breakfast and getting dressed went to get her fidget spinner. It wasnt where we left it so had a scout round - no sign. I text dh (he had left for work 10 mins prior to her asking) and he had taken it.

He works in a school for sen kids and wanted to show oneof the kids. Im fucking furious! Its her toy, which she saved for and waited a bloody week on top of that for and day one he has taken it to work with him. Without asking her. Im all for these things being used as a concentration tool etc buy ffs!! Its not his!

I rang him and he said "I didnt ask her as I thought she would winge" of course she would and for good reason! So im the one left to console her. I mean, its a fidget spinner, so she will get over it, but at the moment this is a big deal.

How fucking selfish

He made a small mistake - really not an issue but a prompt to have a conversation about how small things can really matter to someone ?

I'd be furious too - it's not even thoughtless if him - he thought, realised she'd be upset and instead of deciding to either ask or at least tell her, sneakily took it knowing full well he was doing wrong. He should be very ashamed of himself. Naughty step for 40 minutes to think about what he's done, and double pocket money next week for DD. At least you know what to get him for Christmas.

And he works with SEN kids?!? I hope he treats them with more consideration / respect.

Its a bit like - I save, work hard and pick up extra shifts to buy my dream convertible car. I buy it and go to sleep excited in the know that it is going to be a sunny day tomorrow, dreaming of where I will drive in my new car! I has taken me 3 months of overtime to save up and the next day I wake up and find my husband took my car to get to work because he wanted to show it off to his colleagues. It is definately not unusual to be furious with this taking without asking behaviour. This was definitely not allowed in our house when I was a child and is not allowed in ,my house now either!

Yep, this - its all relative. It may seem like a small thing to an adult, but it cost her DD 3 weeks of everything she had to buy it.

It's just mean, and dads shouldn't be mean to their 5 year old. It's the kind of thing a 7 y o brother would do to upset their sister! Agree with you let him be upset if he seee this in the paper, maybe he'd be a bit more thoughtful next time.

It is wrong to take someone else's possesions without asking first but an over reaction like this is a little on the tops....like an immunity overeacting to a mild infection or a non pathogen leading to unwanted side effects.
Am sure your Little one will be ok if daddy explained why he took it.Life is not always about getting what you want when you want it...i know she saved for it but some other kid would love to save but can't.Just like at the traffic queues...everyone waits regardless of their urgency.
Am sure your DH feels silly and guilty but let it not be a 1000 words convo.
Have a lovely day 😎

Presuming she wouldn't be allowed to take it to school (I wouldn't have let her do so anyway, whatever the policy in school...), then she's only been deprived of it first thing, when she should have been getting ready for school and getting dressed. Her dad was picking her up from school, and she could have it back then, so the actual time being deprived of it is very, very small.

I personally can't get particularly worked up about this. If he was wrong, then I don't see it as a huge issue, and its certainly not something to break up a family over, that would be a huge overreaction!

The thing is - it wasn't a small mistake. A mistake would be if he had dropped the stupid thing whilst tidying up and it had smashed.

This was a purposeful decision that he made knowing that she would be upset but he did it anyway.

It was also a pretty unpleasant thing to do to his wife. He went off with it without telling her meaning that she wasted time looking for it and then had to deal with an upset child. I have no idea what the Op's mornings are like - she may be the type of weirdo morning person who likes to get up early, glides through the morning routine and never ever shouts "come on! We are going to be late!" 30 seconds before they are supposed to be walking out the door.

But in my family - making the other person's morning routine harder is something that we both work very hard to try to avoid.

Would he "borrow" a toy from one of the SEN kids he works with to bring home and show your daughter?

I wouldn't be 'fucking furious', but I'd make sure he apologises, explains and makes it up to her somehow

Bit late to the party here, but I'm surprised he felt he needed to take one in to a special needs school - they are a special needs toy, originally sold for "stimming" for autistic and adhd children. Would the kids there not have already seen them/ got them? Sounds like a rubbish excuse, he probably just wanted to play with it himself!

Go to the shop, buy your daughter an extra fidgetspinner and, while you're there, get a packet of grips.

For yourself.

Ethylred

I think it's really stingy and petty that you made a 5 year old save her pocket money to buy her own one.

I don't advocate spoiling children but they are a couple of quid!

Ethylred

Best comment on here!

I bet your husband has precious form for other silly annoying things and this is the tip of the iceberg. Hence why your so annoyed. What he did was quite unfair.

Sorry - previous form, not precious form.