Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucking furious with dh

217 replies

NapQueen · 24/05/2017 07:40

Over a fidget spinner of all things!

Dd (5) wanted a fidget spinner. We started giving her pocket money so she could save for one. After three weeks she had enough. Dh ordered her one from ebay (dunno why he didnt just take her to a shop to buy one but hey ho). It took the best part of a week to arrive.

Arrived yesterday. She had a play with it before bed. This morning she got up and after breakfast and getting dressed went to get her fidget spinner. It wasnt where we left it so had a scout round - no sign. I text dh (he had left for work 10 mins prior to her asking) and he had taken it.

He works in a school for sen kids and wanted to show oneof the kids. Im fucking furious! Its her toy, which she saved for and waited a bloody week on top of that for and day one he has taken it to work with him. Without asking her. Im all for these things being used as a concentration tool etc buy ffs!! Its not his!

I rang him and he said "I didnt ask her as I thought she would winge" of course she would and for good reason! So im the one left to console her. I mean, its a fidget spinner, so she will get over it, but at the moment this is a big deal.

How fucking selfish

OP posts:
bookwormnerd · 24/05/2017 08:21

It wasnt nice. It may have not seemed important to him but it was to her. My daughters pocket money fad stuff is her pride and joy ( for her its hatchimal colleggtables) and if someone took it she would be devastated.
She worked hard to save up and its important to her. It doesent matter if its just a fad. I think most adults would be upset if they saved for something and then someone else took it. It doesnt matter it was something cheap. It was poor teaching moment from your husband to for fact it is teaching her you dont need to respect other peoples stuff. Not sure why he needs to show off at school as all the teachers I know absolutly hate them and been banned most places except for children who legitimatly need a fidget toy which there tends to be better ones on market so they dont tend to be fidget spinners.

AdalindSchade · 24/05/2017 08:22

That is a massive dick move. I bought my DS one on eBay too and every day until it arrived he was desperately looking for the post. If I had taken it off him the first day he had it he would have been so upset, and he's older your DD. What a twat.

Fueledwithfairydustandgin · 24/05/2017 08:22

Very disrespectful. He needs to apologise and make amends the same as if she was an adult.

crabbiearses · 24/05/2017 08:30

I think you built it up a bit ridiculously for her to be honest, they cost about £2 and can be bought everywhere .

LadyRoseate · 24/05/2017 08:30

'stolen from a child' makes it sounds like he has just snatched it out of a random child's hand in the park.

Hmm I don't like the suggestion that it's not bad if you do stuff to family members, that would be a crime if you did it to a stranger.

You should respect other people's stuff, yes even your own 5yo DD. What message is it giving her that an adult can just walk off with something she's saved for and has only just got? He should be modelling respectful behaviour. And he knew she'd be upset - that's worse, it wasn't even just thoughtlessness, it was sneaky. And makes me think it's more important to him to be thought well of by the kids at school (though as PPs have said, if he thinks he'll impress them with a fidget spinner he's a bit late!)

I'd be mad too OP. I'd make him give it back and say sorry and make it very clear that what he did was not on.

Kokusai · 24/05/2017 08:30

It wasn't "thoughtless" though, he thought about it long enough to know that she would be upset

Quite.

It is about respect - starts with the little things.

LouBlue1507 · 24/05/2017 08:30

Massive over reaction, I couldn't get worked up over this unless he leaves it there tonight.

"Daddy must of kept your fidget spinner in a safe place last night, never mind. You're not allowed to take it to school anyway, Daddy will give it to you when you get home"

Calling him a thief and every name under the sun isn't appropriate.

LadyRoseate · 24/05/2017 08:32

I think you built it up a bit ridiculously for her to be honest, they cost about £2 and can be bought everywhere .

I disagree, I think it's great that a child can get excited about a small £2 toy, save up for it and learn about delaying gratification and saving money. Do you think kids should only get excited about expensive stuff?

AdalindSchade · 24/05/2017 08:34

I haven't seen them for sale anywhere I have been, hence why I had to buy one on eBay and why it cost £5.

MerryMarigold · 24/05/2017 08:37

I'd make him take her to a shop today and buy her another one to say sorry come on, they only cost 3.00 around here.

crabbiearses · 24/05/2017 08:37

not at all LadyRoseate but working a child into a frenzy over a simple toy i not sure its worth making them anxious and possessive over stuff in later life , there is no need to do that . i like the idea of saving for something but £2 ? its just proving a point .

Clandestino · 24/05/2017 08:37

I think you built it up a bit ridiculously for her to be honest, they cost about £2 and can be bought everywhere .

You can buy chewing gum and pop it into your mouth whenever you like. For my DD, a chewing gum is given on special occasions, I don't really like it and always make sure she disposes of it properly and doesn't chew on it when playing or running around.
OP's daughter saved for hers, at 5 years old she has a completely different perspective and this spinner is something that she owns. How can we teach our children to be respectful to each other if we don't respect them? What OP's DH did was highly disrespectful and a bad example. He should apologise.

kaitlinktm · 24/05/2017 08:40

It's easy to dismiss this in the light of current dreadful events - and no, he didn't actually steal - but it was more than just thoughtless. He knew she'd be upset and he knew you would be the one dealing with the fallout this morning - but he wanted to show off at school (how old is he?) and that was more important to him at that point than upsetting his daughter. It is a form of selfishness. These acts of petty selfishness seem small in themselves, but they stick with you over the years somehow.

My boys are in their 30s now and their father has been an ex for a long time, but I still remember the morning when I had carefully left two pound coins on either side of the fireplace (the last change I had) which is what we ALWAYS did for their bus fares to school, and he just took all the money (for tobacco) and left for work - and left me to sort it out before I went to work. What a selfish dick - and I STILL get cross when I think about it (although it wasn't actually the reason for the divorce). Smile

Gramgram · 24/05/2017 08:40

I'm sure your DD will let him know of her displeasure and will no doubt remind him of his thoughtlessness in the future. Have a good day.

EdmundCleverClogs · 24/05/2017 08:40

Calling him a thief and every name under the sun isn't appropriate

What do you call someone who takes someone else's possessions without permission then? Or is this ok because it was an adult doing it to a child?

It was her possession, he has shown her a lack of respect by taking it without asking first. We would find this unacceptable if someone had taken our things without asking, and wouldn't expect to be 'fobbed off' until it was returned. Why shouldn't our children be treated in the same way? They have the same right to be annoyed by such things happening to them, and the dad needs to accept what he did was wrong and apologies (as I'm sure would be expected of the child, if roles were reversed).

TheClaws · 24/05/2017 08:41

If you get this worked up about something relatively minor, what are you like with stuff that actually matters?

zzzzz · 24/05/2017 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smudddle · 24/05/2017 08:43

Your DD will remember this, and it will have eroded her trust in her father.

LadyRoseate · 24/05/2017 08:46

The fact that it's a relatively small event that is unimportant in the scheme of things, does not make his disrespectful attitude a minor issue.

a- he needs to show his DD and her stuff respect, to help her grow up with self respect and not feeling like her feelings don't matter.

b- he needs to model respectful behaviour so she copies it and learns how to treat other people.

Respectful behaviour is made up of thousands of "relatively minor" interactions.

I grew up with a mum like this, it was not nice. I remember her eating my chocolate that I had left with her while I went on the climbing frame, aged 4, for example. It hurt - not because it was a big deal, but because it taught me I couldn't trust her.

burdog · 24/05/2017 08:54

OP it was unkind of your DH to do that, particularly because he didn't tell you either. Mainly because he knew what your response would have been, I suspect. I think your reaction is a bit OTT. Does he have form for putting the needs of the kids at his school in front of the needs of his family?

MissHavishamsleftdaffodil · 24/05/2017 08:56

Yes not a big deal in the scheme of things, but I bet the five year old feels like it is.

walmo · 24/05/2017 08:57

What a very strange and unpleasant thing for him to do.

Of course it's stealing, and a very big deal if you're 5 and have waited weeks.

Babymamamama · 24/05/2017 08:58

Most schools round our way have banned these things altogether so I'm surprised about him bringing one into school.

highinthesky · 24/05/2017 08:59

This illustrates to me yet again what stupid selfish oafs men can be.

gamerchick · 24/05/2017 09:01

I think you built it up a bit ridiculously for her to be honest, they cost about £2 and can be bought everywhere

Really? Because I've been everywhere I can think of and can't find any?