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Original poster

To be fucking furious with dh

217 replies

NapQueen · 24/05/2017 07:40

Over a fidget spinner of all things!

Dd (5) wanted a fidget spinner. We started giving her pocket money so she could save for one. After three weeks she had enough. Dh ordered her one from ebay (dunno why he didnt just take her to a shop to buy one but hey ho). It took the best part of a week to arrive.

Arrived yesterday. She had a play with it before bed. This morning she got up and after breakfast and getting dressed went to get her fidget spinner. It wasnt where we left it so had a scout round - no sign. I text dh (he had left for work 10 mins prior to her asking) and he had taken it.

He works in a school for sen kids and wanted to show oneof the kids. Im fucking furious! Its her toy, which she saved for and waited a bloody week on top of that for and day one he has taken it to work with him. Without asking her. Im all for these things being used as a concentration tool etc buy ffs!! Its not his!

I rang him and he said "I didnt ask her as I thought she would winge" of course she would and for good reason! So im the one left to console her. I mean, its a fidget spinner, so she will get over it, but at the moment this is a big deal.

How fucking selfish

OP posts:
neonrainbow · 24/05/2017 09:02

Bloody hell its really not that big a deal. Get a sense of perspective.

LadyRoseate · 24/05/2017 09:03

We got ours off Amazon because I couldn't find one in the shops, but they are now in our local toy shop.

I think some shops take a while to catch up with the craze, others just sell out.

ChocChocPorridge · 24/05/2017 09:04

I try to explain to DP that we're modelling behaviour to the kids, that if he pests them, or nicks chips from their plates, then sure, it's not a big deal, but he can't go from zero to yelling if they do similar back - he's done it to them, of course they think it's fine to do it to him.

I explain that that's why I have better control of them, because I treat them how I want to be treated, I have predictable, reliable rules.

This is the same, he's been selfish, and yes, you'll sort it, but he now has no leg to stand on if she borrows something of his without asking, and she will remember if he has a go at her for it.

LouBlue1507 · 24/05/2017 09:05

This illustrates to me yet again what stupid selfish oafs men can be

Sexist much? Women can be just as bad!

DJBaggySmalls · 24/05/2017 09:06

Its like blowing out the candles on a kids birthday cake. Or having the first play with a birthday toy. Some things are unjust and you dont do them. Especially not when you are a grown adult that works with children and presumably knows better.

livefornaps · 24/05/2017 09:07

Not the best lesson in "you ask before you borrow things"

He knew it would upset her, so he didn't ask, and did it anyway.

Now you've had to deal with the fallout, and will no doubt be told you're "overreacting" if you go nuclear on him.

I just cannot understand these selfish men who manage to put their own wants and needs ahead of their own children!

She saved for that toy, which was a great lesson and regardless of it being cheap she learned that if you want something often you have to wait & put in the effort. Marvellous.

These rules don't apply to daddy though! And ultimately that's the take - home lesson of this sorry episode. Twat. I bet he thinks he's really "worthy" working with kids as well....can't even put his own first.

Benedikte2 · 24/05/2017 09:08

He has little empathy and Really ought not to be working with SN kids. How can his DD trust him in future. Presumably the reason for making her save was to support the development of positive behaviours and straight away he has modelled negative behaviour. What an idiot.

Starduke · 24/05/2017 09:09

I totally understand OP.

My 5 year old adores his fidget spinner and we all make sure we always know where it is to avoid panics.

I'd be pissed off with DH taking something belonging to a DC without asking too. What example does that set?!

Dishwashersaurous · 24/05/2017 09:11

They are banned from most schools so she won't be able to play with it until he picks her up after school, when he will have it. It really isn't a big deal, unless he is planning on not giving it back

ItsNachoCheese · 24/05/2017 09:11

She has saved up for it and he has taken it from her knowing she would be upset, thats just nasty. Yes it may not be a big things but it will be to op's daughter

iloveruby · 24/05/2017 09:11

Highinthesky - yep, completely agree.

OP - he has been very selfish and sent your daughter potentially a very damaging lesson; that he places a higher priority on showing the toy to children at his work than he does not upsetting his own child.

And to those who are saying that 'it is just a toy' need to remember that children are not mini adults. This toy had great significance to your daughter and her upset is justifiable.

I am also particularly surprised that someone who works in a SEN setting behaved liked this - it doesn't demonstrate a great understanding of child development and behaviour.

Collaborate · 24/05/2017 09:13

I can't believe your reaction, and some of the other reactions. Get a grip, and a sense of perspective.

Do you often have anger issues over incredibly trivial matters? Is your daughter picking up on that and thereby you are amplifying her understandable but insignificant upset?

iloveruby · 24/05/2017 09:17

Collaborate - sense of perspective is something that is relative and learnt. The child is 5.
The outrage is because posters quite rightly understand that for this child it is very upsetting - because they understand that her perspective is one where these toys are important.

Additionally, having a parent put their wants above their own child is upsetting pretty much at any age.....

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/05/2017 09:21

I wouldn't get upset. Perhaps I'd make a point though. Such as hiding his car keys in dds school bag tomorrow. And after his frantic search, tell him you put them in dds bag because she'd like to take them to school to show to her friends. I'm not talking about tit for tat but about illustrating the importance of your dds property to her.

FrenchMartiniTime · 24/05/2017 09:26

He has little empathy and Really ought not to be working with SN kids. How can his DD trust him in future.

Eh? Some of the posts on here are so OTT it's unreal. Her faith in her father will forever be shattered because he took her toy into school and he should quit his career.....urm ok Hmm

What a non issue, your DD will get over it, stop making it a huge issue, your DD is probably feeding off your ridiculous reaction.

Nancy91 · 24/05/2017 09:27

Major overreaction

Kpo58 · 24/05/2017 09:30

He's just taught her that she has to not let her toys out of her sight and to hide them when others are around and the complete opposite to sharing. He is also teaching here that there is no point in saving as what she saves for will be taken away as soon as she gets it.

EdmundCleverClogs · 24/05/2017 09:31

Such as hiding his car keys in dds school bag tomorrow.

Oh don't do this, it's not a good thing to do first thing in the morning just to 'make a point'. It just causes more anger, and 'tit for tat' never ends well.

Her dad needs to apologise, this is a good learning opportunity for both of them. She can learn that even adults do silly things sometimes, and have to apologise. He learns he can't take his daughter's things just because he's the parent, and he has to show the same respect to people and their property whether they're 5 or 50.

iloveruby · 24/05/2017 09:32

The reaction was anticipated by the dad - that is why he took the toy without asking. Nothing to do with the OP 'feeding' it.

EdmundCleverClogs · 24/05/2017 09:37

I am assuming those who think the op is over-reacting have never had anything they treasure pinched from them. Never had a sibling 'borrow' a new top (and then ruin it still bitter), or your child's mate 'accidentally' take their favourite action figure and have to chase down other parents to get it back? If it happens to you, it makes you cross, if it happens to your child, you're cross on their behalf, even if in the long term it doesn't mean much. Is it really that hard to see from the daughter/op point of view?

Tazerface · 24/05/2017 09:37

I'd be cross as well and would have words. I don't think it's ridiculous for a five year old to be upset - I would be annoyed too if my husband had done this, of course leaving me with the fall out.

LouBlue saying some men are selfish oafs doesn't mean women aren't or all men are. But thanks for pointing it out because I'm sure none of us understood Hmm

AmserGwin · 24/05/2017 09:38

Totally out of order, selfish prick

Bluntness100 · 24/05/2017 09:39

I don't think this is ok either, I'm going to bet he didn't say to the kids, here is my daughters newest toy, she saved up herself and only got it yesterday, I took it to show uou and didn't tell her because I knew she'd be upset, so she's at home crying now. She's only five.

I bet he didn't say it because even the kids would have thought he was a proper shit.

I agree you model good behaviour towards kids and to take her stuff without asking her because he knows she will be upset is a very bad lesson to teach her indeed. Will he be ok when she grows up and does it to him? Money? The car? Because he's telling her if you want something you just take it.

Mummmy2017 · 24/05/2017 09:39

This is about a father trying to teach a child the importance of money, making her wait for it to arrive, and then being a Dick Head and taking it off her, how can this be anything but selfish.

He need to find away to make it up to her, as it's premeditated and nasty, and he needs to grown up because this is childish. In her little life this is so important, and I wonder if he realises by the end of today all the kids will know, and it really will the kids don't trust him.

Stormtreader · 24/05/2017 09:40

Hes teaching her "My stuff is mine, and your stuff is ours".
He needs to have a think about whether he wants her to be dating a cocklodger later on because thats the dynamic hes setting her up for.