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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucking furious with dh

217 replies

NapQueen · 24/05/2017 07:40

Over a fidget spinner of all things!

Dd (5) wanted a fidget spinner. We started giving her pocket money so she could save for one. After three weeks she had enough. Dh ordered her one from ebay (dunno why he didnt just take her to a shop to buy one but hey ho). It took the best part of a week to arrive.

Arrived yesterday. She had a play with it before bed. This morning she got up and after breakfast and getting dressed went to get her fidget spinner. It wasnt where we left it so had a scout round - no sign. I text dh (he had left for work 10 mins prior to her asking) and he had taken it.

He works in a school for sen kids and wanted to show oneof the kids. Im fucking furious! Its her toy, which she saved for and waited a bloody week on top of that for and day one he has taken it to work with him. Without asking her. Im all for these things being used as a concentration tool etc buy ffs!! Its not his!

I rang him and he said "I didnt ask her as I thought she would winge" of course she would and for good reason! So im the one left to console her. I mean, its a fidget spinner, so she will get over it, but at the moment this is a big deal.

How fucking selfish

OP posts:
walmo · 25/05/2017 19:01

What an interesting thread this has been, who knew that parents had such differing views on their children's rights and expectations?

A real eye opener all round.

CherryMintVanilla · 25/05/2017 19:03

I fell in love with his passion and integrity, this is the flip side.

Men with integrity steal their children's belongings to avoid hearing their 'whinging'?

Raquers84 · 25/05/2017 19:11

Not being funny but yes u are being unreasonable in light of what happened this week in my home town of Manchester where children have lost theirs lives you should be thankful ur other half and child are safe and well

TittyGolightly · 25/05/2017 19:15

Oh my god why are news sites allowed to steal stories from here

You know you're posting on the internet, right?

FluffyWhiteTowels · 25/05/2017 19:23

Yes it was a crap thing to do as it was your DD's as she'd saved up for it. He should have been respectful enough to ask her if he could borrow it for the day so show other children. I'm sure she would have agreed and all the upset you had to deal with that was not your doing and the damn searching for it which is wasting time would have been avoided.

Lessons learned all round hopfefully. Respect for others rarely doesn't work whatever the age.

KERALA1 · 25/05/2017 19:23

I guess that fidget spinner to a 5 year old is equivalent to say a brand new outfit or something like a kitchen aid.

You save up then before you can wear the outfit your sister takes it and wears it first - without asking and knowing you had never worn it. Would all the naysayers really be fine with this. I think not

Original poster
NapQueen · 25/05/2017 19:34

Raquers I did touch on that in my OP. The atrocities which happened dont mean that noone should ever talk or think about anytbing else. And I am keeping perspective on this.

Also, my dd has little to no clue about what happened in Manchester, even with my basic exolaination, so saying to her "well, you are alive arent you?" Probably wouldnt be that effective.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 25/05/2017 19:36

I couldn't get this worked up.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 25/05/2017 19:48

Karala That's a pretty good example.

nocoolnamesleft · 25/05/2017 19:56

Next time he buys himself a new shiny smartphone, let her take it to school the first day....

fatchilli123 · 25/05/2017 19:59

You tell your stupid partner he is a bastard and this stays with you. My father bought me a yoyo at approx 8 years old and then because I couldn't work out how to make it work he took it back off me . This destroyed me. To make it worse he got cross with me being upset and then smashed it by stomping on it several times.
Angry

Tomi4Star · 25/05/2017 20:00

I wouldn't have thought this was an issue at all. It's How you spin it to your daughter. Telling her Dad has taken it to show her fabulous toy to some kids who may benefit from it & what an important thing to do, could have calmed her down.
Even if he forgets it at school or gets broken - Simply buy another. Is it that expensive? She may have saved the money but in effect it was still your (both of you I think?) money given to her. Not that she earned it outside the house. No need to be furious with dh or strain your relationship over something so not important. Have a word with DH on the effect it had on your daughter when he gets back & move on. It would be great if we all learned to love ❤️ & get along with each other without flying off the handle or getting really angry over little things.

WhereIsTheLikeButton · 25/05/2017 20:00

Umm not to be rude OP but why did you make her save up for it? They are less than £10 why didn't you just buy her one! Hmm

On the other hand I would be furious with him too.

Raggydolly3 · 25/05/2017 20:05

What did the OP make her daughter save up for it?
Erm maybe to teach her daughter the value of money, that you don't just get everything you ask for?
Are you saying that everything a kid asks for under £10 the parents should just go out and buy? Hmm

Original poster
NapQueen · 25/05/2017 20:14

They may well be under a tenner. But stuff like this is faddy, and ive two dcs. We have neither the unlimited funds or space to buy every little thing thats "in".

OP posts:
FairyFlake45 · 25/05/2017 20:37

If he works with SEN children, he definitely should know better!!??

WhereIsTheLikeButton · 25/05/2017 20:40

Raggydolly3

£10 is literally pennies, I would never make my two save up for a toy.

Justdontgetitatall · 25/05/2017 20:43

If this behaviour was typical of him and he didn't see the big deal then I would be leaving him. Yes sounds OTT but i have spent 2.5 years with a sociopath and this is JUST the sort of thing he would do! It would ring GIGANTIC alarm bells

Justdontgetitatall · 25/05/2017 20:45

Whereis Well aren't you lucky?!?!?! For me, £10 is 2 weeks nappies!!! Must be so nice to be so so rich eh?! Which is presumably the impression you're aiming to give?!

Original poster
NapQueen · 25/05/2017 20:46

£10 is literally pennies its a thousand of them.

Enough to take us all to the kids club cinema or to cover lunches for all of us for the whole week.

She wants a tenner randomly for something that she will probably tire if within a month then she saves it.

OP posts:
EdmundCleverClogs · 25/05/2017 20:59

£10 is literally pennies

Some people really just don't seem to get how 'the other half live' do they. What an ignorant statement.

Pollydonia · 25/05/2017 21:10

Glad you spoke to your dh. An aunt of mine once came in my bedroom when I was asleep ( aged 6) and ripped a poster of a pony off my wall ( that my much older brother had made for me for his art O level) . I was devistated. My mum went ape shit at her. I remember my mum telling me that my feelings matter.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/05/2017 21:25

Frankly a teacher should have a better understanding of children's feelings than this.

Yes, to us, as adults, it is not a big thing - but to her it was a treasure she had saved up for, and he took it without asking. That is a really mean thing he did.

cherish123 · 25/05/2017 21:25

He was in the wrong.

Raggydolly3 · 25/05/2017 21:28

Why did she do that Pollydonia, that's awful.
whereas wow aren't you lucky, £10 to other people is the difference between eating and not eating.