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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fucking furious with dh

217 replies

NapQueen · 24/05/2017 07:40

Over a fidget spinner of all things!

Dd (5) wanted a fidget spinner. We started giving her pocket money so she could save for one. After three weeks she had enough. Dh ordered her one from ebay (dunno why he didnt just take her to a shop to buy one but hey ho). It took the best part of a week to arrive.

Arrived yesterday. She had a play with it before bed. This morning she got up and after breakfast and getting dressed went to get her fidget spinner. It wasnt where we left it so had a scout round - no sign. I text dh (he had left for work 10 mins prior to her asking) and he had taken it.

He works in a school for sen kids and wanted to show oneof the kids. Im fucking furious! Its her toy, which she saved for and waited a bloody week on top of that for and day one he has taken it to work with him. Without asking her. Im all for these things being used as a concentration tool etc buy ffs!! Its not his!

I rang him and he said "I didnt ask her as I thought she would winge" of course she would and for good reason! So im the one left to console her. I mean, its a fidget spinner, so she will get over it, but at the moment this is a big deal.

How fucking selfish

OP posts:
Original poster
NapQueen · 24/05/2017 13:59

I can assure you he isnt a monster, and is, this incident aside, a wonderful father.

Doesnt change what he did today though.

OP posts:
EdmundCleverClogs · 24/05/2017 14:01

Oh yuck, The Scum have quoted me. Feel all dirty now Angry.

Original poster
NapQueen · 24/05/2017 14:02

Haha how do you think I feel! douses self in Zoflora

OP posts:
EdmundCleverClogs · 24/05/2017 14:08

NapQueen oii don't keep all that to yourself Grin. Honestly, do those 'journalists' really have nothing better to report at the moment? Last time The Fail quote me, I name changed, but I've grown to quite like this one...

Anyway, we all cock up in terms of parenting, doesn't make us overall shit parents. As long as he apologises to your daughter of course, he really has dropped the ball today.

melj1213 · 24/05/2017 14:59

What would get me is that he's showing your DD that he doesn't respect things that belong to her.

We spend all our time teaching our children that they have to respect other peoples' things - whether it's by not touching grandma's cut glass figurines or asking before they take their brother's toy - and yet if an adult deems something interesting enough of their attention then they can just override that and take it.

It would be bad enough if it had been done with a gift that he had bought for her, but your DD bought it with her money and therefore it belongs to her and nobody has a right to to take her possessions from her on a whim.

My DD has autonomy over everything in her room - it is hers and she owns it. As her parent I have the right to confiscate things as a consequence of her behaviour but I don't get to just go in her room and throw stuff out because I don't like it, give it away or otherwise deprive her of it because it is not my stuff.

There's been plenty of times she's come back from her week at her dad's house with some new toy/game I would never have bought her, or she's spent her money on the latest overpriced piece of plastic tat, and whilst I would have never bought it, now that she (or her dad) has then it's hers to do with as she wishes and I would never dream of just taking it unless it's left lying around in the living room or on the stairs and I've tripped over it for the millionth time

nachogazpacho · 24/05/2017 15:11

I don't get why he took it in... Most kids have seen one or have one. And not because a member of staff has brought one in.

JigglyTuff · 24/05/2017 15:31

What a shitty thing to do.

Kpo58 · 24/05/2017 17:02

On the plus side, show him the newspaper article and then let him decide if it's a small thing or not.

Bluntness100 · 24/05/2017 17:14

As an adult if someone did this to me I'd be pissed. If I saved up for something, waited for it, got it, wanted to use it the next day and found out my husband had taken it without asking or telling and I wouldn't get it back till that evening he'd hear it from me. Loud and clear. And I'm 47.

As I'm sure your husband would react if someone did It to him and took something of importance to him without asking.

He knew what he was doing, he knew she would be upset, he said as much, and fuck me, he rolled right on and did it anyway.

This must be a complete abherration for him because that's not a wonderful father. I hope he apologises profusely, gives her a treat and a cuddle and promises never to take her stuff without asking again. And mean it.

diddl · 24/05/2017 20:25

So how did his apology go & did he remember to bring the fidget spinner home?

CherryMintVanilla · 24/05/2017 22:07

He needs to be told that just because his dd is small it doesn't mean she has no rights over her own property. Imagine if she tried that, "Daddy will whinge if I ask him for money so I'll just take it from his wallet!"

honeylulu · 24/05/2017 22:42

My parents did this with our stuff and reading this brought back feelings of rage and injustice I didn't realise were still there!
My mum decided to give a radio/tape recorder I'd had for my birthday (and used daily) to a teacher friend who'd mentioned she needed one for her class. When I objected she said "well it was my money that bought it".
On other occasions she lent clothing, cassettes, a calligraphy pen - all belonging to me - to various people (some of it never got returned) and told me I was selfish if I tried to remonstrate. It was as if what other people thought was more important.
My sister spent most of her pocket money on toiletries - she liked saving up and getting matching sets and not use any of it until she has the full set. I can remember her being really gutted to find mum had just been helping herself to the collection before it was even complete.
N.B. If we ever dared touch mum's stuff she went ballistic!! Go figure.
It had stayed with me. I'm horrendously possessive and prone to hoarding, which I'm only just starting to get a handle on now age 43. My parents still think they did nothing wrong as the stuff of ours was just "silly cheap rubbish".

Original poster
NapQueen · 25/05/2017 08:29

He brought the spinner home, and apologised to dd, but this happened before I got home from work. Dd seems happy, but dh and I probably need a chat.

It didnt happen last night as once we had sorted the kids and the house etc I was too shattered to bring it up Blush

We will have a chat tonight.

OP posts:
WishfulThanking · 25/05/2017 12:36

NapQueen if your husband comes across the article in The Sun he's not going to be happy! Shock

walmo · 25/05/2017 12:58

Well let's hope he does come across it then Nap. It may give him pause for thought when he realises his actions were newsworthy.

Original poster
NapQueen · 25/05/2017 13:12

He can be as unhappy as he likes. I didnt put it on there. I put it on here.

And as pp said, food for thought.

OP posts:
supermoon100 · 25/05/2017 13:30

'Fucking furious' is a massive over reaction tho. Poor bloke

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 25/05/2017 13:45

I think furious is OTT, annoyed yes, however at the same time, it only meant your dd didn't play with it for a few hours.

Rowenag · 25/05/2017 17:51

I don't agree with people saying you are overacting. How could he take it knowing she would be upset. I don't want to stir things up to cause more trouble between you but I would be really upset if my child'S father showed this much disregard for her feelings. It would really make me question what kind of person he is. Very very mean and self centred in my opinion :(

mrsdaz · 25/05/2017 17:52

My children were so excited when they finally got a fidget spinner!! If their dad had taken it the next day they would have been devastated!!

I work in a school and most of the kids have them, and the ones that don't say everyday that they have one coming 'tomorrow'. It's completely out of order to take it!!! I appreciate there are more important things going on in the world but not to your daughter. To her this was her whole world!!

So many lessons taught, saving money to buy something she wants - which has been taken!!

Daddy should be very very sorry!!!

Maireadplastic · 25/05/2017 18:12

I'm married to a man passionate about his job with an overdeveloped sense of duty. He may well do something like this. I fell in love with his passion and integrity, this is the flip side.

Goodasgoldilox · 25/05/2017 18:18

Clearly your DH was wrong

  • to you (Leaving you the predicted fall-out.)
  • to his daughter (By treating her so unfairly.)

He took something that was three week's income from her -without her permission. What does he have that is worth three-week's of his income? Put it to him that he can't complain if she decides that she would like to take it out to play sometime - without asking.

He owes you MUCH goodwill. Make a list of favours he now owes- he can't complain - and do collect or expect more of the same in future! :)

barbsbarbs · 25/05/2017 18:19

need to get this into perspective.........

mumto2two · 25/05/2017 18:22

How old is this chap? 12??

DameDeDoubtance · 25/05/2017 18:43

She has learnt the valuable lesson that a bloke can take her stuff when he wants, his needs outweigh hers.

It was a monumentally dick move.

Glad he has apologised, that will help.