To be fucking furious with dh

[NapQueen]

Over a fidget spinner of all things!

Dd (5) wanted a fidget spinner. We started giving her pocket money so she could save for one. After three weeks she had enough. Dh ordered her one from ebay (dunno why he didnt just take her to a shop to buy one but hey ho). It took the best part of a week to arrive.

Arrived yesterday. She had a play with it before bed. This morning she got up and after breakfast and getting dressed went to get her fidget spinner. It wasnt where we left it so had a scout round - no sign. I text dh (he had left for work 10 mins prior to her asking) and he had taken it.

He works in a school for sen kids and wanted to show oneof the kids. Im fucking furious! Its her toy, which she saved for and waited a bloody week on top of that for and day one he has taken it to work with him. Without asking her. Im all for these things being used as a concentration tool etc buy ffs!! Its not his!

I rang him and he said "I didnt ask her as I thought she would winge" of course she would and for good reason! So im the one left to console her. I mean, its a fidget spinner, so she will get over it, but at the moment this is a big deal.

How fucking selfish

Just replying quickly in my lunch break and wanted to address a few points.

1. I know they are cheap and usually readily available. But none in our local shops. Also, if I bought every little cheapy thing my house would be full of tat.

2. she waited so long for it because she gets £1 a week PM. She gets bits ans bobs extra for stuff, but this system works as she can save abd choose to spend it on tat. I dont want to be the mam who says she cant have stuff because I dont like it. Her money.

3. I didnt make a big deal of it infront of her. I text dh, he replied, then I went out of earshot into the bathroom with the door closed to call him.

4. yep its a small pointless toy. But its not a small pointless action. She is five. This is her life.

4) yep its a small pointless toy. But its not a small pointless action. She is five. This is her life.

^^this

You don't need to explain yourself, NapQueen, though your final point is absolutely what this is about. Has your husband given any indication of how he will handle this later?

From one nap fan to another: solidarity

I wouldn't have made my 5 year old save up for this. Or indeed any age. This is a fun passing huge fad, with added bonus of being super cheap.

But that's nowbwhat this is about. I believe your dh was very thoughtless and rude. He should return with the spinner and a little treat for her and apologise profusely.

Surely if he works with children with SEN then there'll be this kind of device in school already? How very odd and unkind of him.

My DF bought me an amazing toy when I was 6. I unwrapped it at breakfast and was so excited but got told I had to wait until after school to play with it. When I got home after school 2 kids next door were playing with it. My DF thought they'd enjoy it and didn't understand why I was so upset as 'it was still mine'. I never played with it as I was so upset and it became a symbol that my things weren't safe. I never got excited about a toy he bought me again as I'd learned that anything he bought me wasn't really mine. Some lessons sink in deeply. I also spent my early relationships thinking my needs came second. As an adult I can see I overreacted, as a child it seemed clearcut.
I think your DH needs to give a heartfelt apology and assurance it won't happen again to your DC.

Christ, I would be gutted if he'd done it to me and I'm (allegedly) an emotionally stable adult. I want to throw a tantrum on her behalf!

I think that was really unfair of him too. I'd be angry about that, especially as he knew she'd be upset. That's a really arsey thing to do to a five year old.

She is five. This is her life.

Honestly, at five, she'll move onto something else within a week or two. Perhaps you need to teach her some resilience if she is unable to cope with the absence of a fidget spinner for seven hours, most of which she wouldn't be able to use it anyway. Yes, Dad took the toy to school. But yes, Dad will bring it back. No need to dramatise it to her or you will make it seem worse to her.

This is in the sun ive just googled fidget spinner and it came up unter the news

Yanbu . Your dh was being utterly selfish and I feel for your dd who was probably really excited to play with her new toy only to discover she can't.

I'd borrow something essential out of his bag and not tell him....but I'm petty

This is in the sun ive just googled fidget spinner and it came up unter the news

Bloody hell, that's exactly what OP needs!

OP, I'd be furious too. It's deliberately unkind and selfish. FWIW I also think it's great that DD saved up and waited etc etc. Surprised to see people criticising that!

YANBU , he is a twat. I am guessing he is not the most considerate person to live with either if he thinks doing that is ok. He made his own DD unhappy to make another child happy. Yup, twat.

It was very thoughtless and I can totally sympathise, I bought my DS's spinners of Amazon and it was the looooongest wait ever (a week) they are 10 and 8 and would have been upset if they had been taken away after they finally arrived!

Is your husband Mrs Jellyby OP?

I think so many of us are joining in the "hysteria" because remember how we felt when we were tiny, and later empathised with our own DCs at that age.

Children feel injustice acutely, they also have less control over their own lives than most adults and their possessions can be almost totemic for them. When I got something new and revered, I'd put it on my bed for a bit to look at, and ration playing with it until the newness wore off. If my older brother grabbed it and ran off with it I was distraught, not just because the thing was out of my sight, but because even then I felt it was a power thing and he was bigger than me and could take what was dear to me. Hardly on a par with living through air strikes and seeing family members dragged for your house by armed men, but then that applies to almost all our joys and pains for most of us.

Even when op's daughter gets it back, it will have lost its newness because her dad gave it to lots of strange children she's never even met to play with.

Why not wait a week and ask her if he could take it in to show his students and bring it straight back? By involving her in the decision she might have felt quite grown-up and proud.

It's mean.

I wouldn't do it, just because by the time you get to that, I think it's a lost cause, but actually I think the car is a fair comparison - this is something that your daughter saved up 3 weeks wages for. If I'd spent 3 weeks wages on something, and DP took it the day after I'd bought it, without asking, because he didn't want to risk me saying no I think it would affect our relationship and trust would need to be demonstrated and rebuilt if the relationship was to continue successfully.

That's what this dad has done to his daughter, it will be remembered, and he's going to have to work to regain trust (and yes, I, too have some childhood memories of people doing this kind of thing to me that still make me annoyed)

What a knob! Your dh that is.

What a selfish arse.

She saved the money and waited for it to arrive and he took it for himself!

She will remember forever trust me.

He needs to apologise and actually see why he did wrong, its not the cost of the toy its the fact it was hers and he took it without asking before she had even had a proper chance to play with it, as he knew damm well she would not say yes. Just to look good in his class selfish git.

And yes they are in all the schools at breaktimes. Most kids are quite capable of not playing with toys when they are in class!

Oh my god why are news sites allowed to steal stories from here

Well he made a big deal of it, she saved and waited for a month, most dads would have bought her one in passing. She's a little star.

Then he took her much longed for possession, she will remember what he did forever.

I sense that some posters are unable to see the world from a child's perspective, which is sad for their children.

When I was about 15 I had a Saturday job. The boss bought everyone a small gift - mostly wine - for Christmas, but I got a box of M&S biscuits.

My dad opened and ate the best ones some while I was out. He knew they were mine. I was three times your daughter's age and it still gives me the rage to think of it. My mum made him buy me some more, and apologise, which was absolutely the right thing to do.

She is five - it is important to her! She doesn't have much choice in life (hence we have regular debates over which pants to wear and what programme to watch, as though it matters - but it does to DC!) and he should not have taken it.

Your DH was not thoughtless - he thought about it enough to realise DD would "whinge". YANBU and he was out of order.

I bet he loses it. Selfish jerk.

So the guy who works with kids who have sen, is a selfish knob etc etc! Am I missing something here? He's doing a job that gives back to society, he can't be that much of a monster. And surely the 5 year old will get it back?!