Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I tell him to go fuck himself?

215 replies

DarrellRivers70 · 22/05/2017 03:17

Can't sleep, totally pissed off
Relatively new relationship, he's been away working, usually see each other on a Monday
We were messaging yesterday morning and I asked would we see each today
He said "yes we'll arrange it later have to go"
Still waiting to hear from him, it's pissed of right off, it's my day off tomorrow and could have made other plans
So aibu for feeling like this ? I have form for
Over thinking things but I would expect to confirm plans
I'll probably get a message in the morning but didn't want to chase him

OP posts:
GoLightlyHollie · 23/05/2017 22:03

OP, there is an expression that is something along the lines of "The only man worth crying over is one who will not make you cry". This guy didn't even fight for you. He is a knob jockey. There will be other, nicer guys. Delete his number, block him. Ask yourself what advice you'd give your best friend in this situation and take it yourself.

Do something nice for yourself, day out with good friends, mani, massage etc? Try and avoid the booze so as not to get maudlin.
Flowers

Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 23/05/2017 22:03

I just expected that if he said we'd arrange it later then he'd be in touch to arrange it
He wasn't

OP posts:
SherbrookeFosterer · 23/05/2017 22:09

Ha ha DarrellRivers70!

Don't beat yourself up, we have all done it! It's a sign of how good natured you are.

Stay strong & keep smiling x

Mustang27 · 23/05/2017 22:09

Oh Darrell because you are hurt and confused and he was feeding you all the "im so into you" crap when you were together but then acting like a fucking brain dead moron when you were apart.

Breathe it's just a message it really doesn't matter what you did, get some space from it and really decide for yourself what you want. I truly doubt it's this arsehole though.

C0untDucku1a · 23/05/2017 22:20

Block his number and then delete it. Seriously.

BloominMarvelous · 23/05/2017 22:32

OP lock your smartphone/tablet whatever away, just ignore it like the previous pp said it's only a message. He's playing you and you're aiding him by being 'needy'. You're so much better than he deserves, I know you're self esteem is low but if you're like this after 4 months you'll be a nervous wreck further down the line and he won't have changed. Think of this as a new start, concentrate on life after redundancy, I hope you are getting a decent pay out, have a mini break with a girlfriend somewhere if you can, start a course do something to boost yourself. Do something out of your comfort zone. Good luck.

BettyBaggins · 23/05/2017 22:56

When a man uses the word 'later' in a sentence expect it not to mean later today. I used to think later meant later today, how wrong I was!

When a man uses 'we' in a sentence he may well mean 'you.'

Wink Grin

Not having had a shag yet could make you feel vulnerable about his affections for you. Add the sub/dom dynamic and it starts getting complicated.

I know dating in your 40's is tough, I'm doing it myself and my man friend (52) and I didn't warm up things in the bedroom for a few months, 7 months in its improving, slowly. Mine is a tad overweight and his erection can flag, I took it a bit personally to start with, then thought maybe he didn't want it much. I was wrong about both but that took time to chat over and work it out! Also he is like you when it comes to planning and likes to do it well ahead whereas I am more of a follow the flow of the day at hand and I feel pressured/hemmed in by over planning.

If you are just starting to date again as well as exploring fetishism/bdsm you really need to take your time.

He may well be a bad match for you but do consider other ways of seeing things for the future.

Flowers
Ohyesiam · 23/05/2017 23:30

Op, please stop beating yourself up. We all fuck up where it comes to love, it's messy, . We fuck it up because we panic that our deepest needs will not be met.
If you can't be kind to yourself, imagine you were a good friend. If it was them who had been through this you'd be so on their side. supporting them, comforting them, trying to get then to see that they are not a failure, that they are still loveable, that their happiest days are yet to come. Give a little bit of that to yourself. X

Tweez · 24/05/2017 07:04

I'm really sorry OP but agree with some others, don't waste your time with this man. This isn't a relationship. It will make you miserable ( if it isn't already).

OhMyGodBecky · 24/05/2017 07:13

The I think the only thing you can do in these kind of situations, where you know that you're more invested than they are is to delete all means of contact. Delete their number, de friend then, unfollow etc etc so that you can't easy contact them. But it feels like crap Confused

Smudge100 · 24/05/2017 09:26

If you haven't seen him for weeks, it doesn't sound as if it's high on his list of priorities. Don't waste any more of your own time and consider it over.

Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 24/05/2017 09:43

Message this morning states "right Mrs wind your neck in and be happy, I'm still here" wtf!!

OP posts:
Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 24/05/2017 09:48

Actually having re read it there's no comma!!!

OP posts:
SpringTown46 · 24/05/2017 09:51

Cheeky sod. Delete. Block.

Kattekit · 24/05/2017 09:55

I'd be concerned he's still using the chat function on a dating site, sounds to me like he has a few ladies in this position, or even worse he's leading to separate lives, only available twice a week? Is he then somewhere else playing happy families for the other 5?

I really hope not op, but unfortunately stories like that are more common than we'd expect.

Don't put your life on hold for him, he clearly isn't returning the favour. I did a fair bit of online dating, a lot of bad dates that went no further, a few okish ones which led to short term dating but I knew weren't right. Then I met the man I married, he was always attentive and wanting to spend time together he made me realise how shit some of those okish blokes actually wear.

I don't think anyone deserves to be made to feel like you are op, as a scary as it is it might be more sensible to invest the time dipping your toe back in the water, instead of settling for third or fourth place.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out as you want it to x

CandleLit · 24/05/2017 10:16

Block him now.

Cool1Cat · 24/05/2017 10:21

So glad I have quit dating. Someone who is into me will turn up or they won't. That has happened twice since my forties and I hate that behaviour, those 2 men never behaved like that. Why aren't we together now: both turned out to be lying alcoholics but it was fun until I found out. My standards for behaviour are pretty high- and why not? Rather be single than put up with hurtful manners

babybubblescomingsoon · 24/05/2017 10:22

Sorry to here you're being treated this way but you deserve better Flowers

annielouise · 24/05/2017 10:41

He's never going to give you what you need. He'll always leave you feeling puzzled, wondering what the empty confused feeling is of being with him. Rip him off in one go like a plaster and bin. Short term pain but a better, more decisive move. It's the fucking dithering that's annoying. He's flaky and stringing you along. Tell him you don't like how he conducts himself and he either shapes up or ships out.

annielouise · 24/05/2017 10:42

Or don't even give him that satisfaction. You take the matter into your hands and make the decision.

JHMJHM · 24/05/2017 12:32

I agree with all the other posters and that last message makes me want to red pen the whole sentence and its implications
'Right'
'Mrs' (ugh hate this)
'Be Happy' - right, ok...
'Wind Your Neck in' - not a nice phrase at all. Who the hell says this??

He doesn't sound like a nice guy.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 24/05/2017 14:02

He is taking the piss out of you OP and you are letting him. Block, delete and move on. How can you find happiness if you keep this bellend on the scene?!

Flowersinyourhair · 24/05/2017 15:43

Is he the dom in a sub/dom thing? Is this part of the game??

Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 24/05/2017 16:23

There's no game, that's ridiculous, kink is only in the bedroom or not as it turns out 😡

OP posts:
user1493759849 · 24/05/2017 16:44

This is one of the weirdest threads and scenarios I have read on here for while. I mean, how can anyone keep accidentally contacting someone? 'Ooops, I accidentally logged into messenger and accidentally send him a 'thumbs up.' Whoops. Then I sent him another message accidentally.

Never in 10 years of being on facebook, messenger, twitter, snapchat etc, have I accidentally sent a message. Least of all someone who is a total git who is treating me like crap.

And why would anyone (if this tale IS true,) keep tolerating this behaviour from a man who is clearly not interested?

Struggling to believe all this tbh.