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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I tell him to go fuck himself?

215 replies

DarrellRivers70 · 22/05/2017 03:17

Can't sleep, totally pissed off
Relatively new relationship, he's been away working, usually see each other on a Monday
We were messaging yesterday morning and I asked would we see each today
He said "yes we'll arrange it later have to go"
Still waiting to hear from him, it's pissed of right off, it's my day off tomorrow and could have made other plans
So aibu for feeling like this ? I have form for
Over thinking things but I would expect to confirm plans
I'll probably get a message in the morning but didn't want to chase him

OP posts:
Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 22/05/2017 07:56

No, not long distance but not in same place

OP posts:
Hissy · 22/05/2017 07:56

You know the score here, he's not being honest with you.

Be very busy and phase him out of your thoughts

You have known him for 4 months

Pretty much one of those months you have known him you have not actually seen him.

You see him a couple of times a week, so that's 10 times max... and no sex.

This isn't a relationship love. It really isn't

Don't waste any more time on this. He's had his chance and blown it.

Don't be gutted, he's faking it all and failing to deliver.

Just move on.

I know it's shit, but it's only a few weeks out of your life.

Bluntness100 · 22/05/2017 07:58

Op, how long has he been away for? You say you see each other twice a week when he's home, how often is he home?

RechargableCattery · 22/05/2017 08:01

You have been made into an Occasional Mondays person. The internet can be an excellent tool, so if you can be bothered you could do due diligence on him, when you might find he has obligations elsewhere.

Delete and move on with lesson learnt, OP, for your sake. Take control of your dating as pp have said.

expatinscotland · 22/05/2017 08:03

Stop wasting time on him. 'Sorry, I'm unavailable to meet you. Forever. Bye.'

ChicRock · 22/05/2017 08:04

You're someone he likes to see on the rare occasions he has nothing better to do. Sorry. Just don't waste any more time on this one, it's not a relationship, it's going nowhere.

Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 22/05/2017 08:20

We met on a more "specialist" site, not heard from him yet but can see he's been on messenger
He's done this before and said he was waiting for me to get in touch
I can't believe I've been so stupid, or am I, should I just message and ask what time we're meeting as he did say he wanted to see me

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 22/05/2017 08:21

What kind of specialist site?

NormaSmuff · 22/05/2017 08:24

hold out for his reply op

Lovemusic33 · 22/05/2017 08:25

I need it with someone like this this a couple months ago, someone I had met online, he could never find the time even though when we were together it was all good. If he can't make the effort to make time for you then he's not the one. Dump him and move on.

RechargableCattery · 22/05/2017 08:25

Darrell if by specialist you mean married dating, there are no rules and its dog eat dog, so YABU - it's not for everyone, especially sensitive souls.

NormaSmuff · 22/05/2017 08:25

give him til 9.30, then go out without him

Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 22/05/2017 08:26

I feel am absolute failure, like I'm not worth making the effort for 😦

OP posts:
Flyinggeese · 22/05/2017 08:28

Don't message him OP. If he was keen he'd be in touch. Definitely move on, for your own wellbeing. He's taken the wimp way out and is not being straight with you. He's leaving it to fizzle.

NormaSmuff · 22/05/2017 08:29

relationships are not meant to be this difficult op

manueltowers · 22/05/2017 08:37

Jeez, why waste your time?

He cancels last minute, you haven't seen him for weeks and he cba to plan even a day in advance - and you've not even slept together yet.

Why bother?

Nanna50 · 22/05/2017 08:44

You feel like a failure and not worth making the effort for? You hardly know him. Unless this specialist site was one where you meet people who make you feel like shit then just dump him and move on.

Is he still on the site that you met on? Perhaps he's trying his specialisms on other people. You really need to close this chapter and as others have said, relationships shouldn't be this much hard work especially in the early days.

He has already been on social media but not contacted you, you are coming across as a bit needy, don't allow yourself to be the last one on his list.

Bluntness100 · 22/05/2017 08:49

I feel am absolute failure, like I'm not worth making the effort for

What? Why? You hardly know rhe guy, he's got other stuff going on. it's. Not about you, it's about him.

Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 22/05/2017 08:50

You're all right , I know this deep down, it's hard to accept though

OP posts:
BluePeppers · 22/05/2017 08:53

It's not you, it's him.

He is the one who is stringing you along. The one who is cancellings stuff, making you wait and is taking you for granted generally.

Time to take the initiative again.
Plan something for today, something nice, something for YOU and if he does contact you, tell him you are busy, that as he didn't bother to see you for the last 3 weeks and was so evasive, you decided to make the best of your day off.
See his reaction (I suspect it wont be nice).

Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 22/05/2017 08:57

Should I message him and say that or only if he gets in touch
I feel like messaging him and telling him all about himself, I'm so done with this game playing

OP posts:
StayAChild · 22/05/2017 09:00

Sod's law if you arrange to do something for yourself he'll contact you. Make it something he can join you in (if he can be arsed) but don't change your plans for him. If he makes an excuse today, make that the last day off you waste on someone who doesn't deserve you. Flowers

Bluntness100 · 22/05/2017 09:00

Just leave it now op. Let him get in touch.

StayAChild · 22/05/2017 09:03

I wouldn't message him. Take it that he's not going to spend the day with you and leave it at that. He knows you're left hanging today and thinks his life is more important than yours.

BandeauSally · 22/05/2017 09:13

Don't hold out for him, don't wait 'til 9.30, dont text him asking to confirm. Make your decision and commit to it. You are either saving your one day off this week for someone who you haven't seen in 3 weeks, has cancelled the last few times at short notice and hasn't yet let you know whether he will meet you on Monday, and it is now Monday. Or, you're deciding yourself what to do with your day off. Which is it? Is it his Monday or is it your Monday?