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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I tell him to go fuck himself?

215 replies

DarrellRivers70 · 22/05/2017 03:17

Can't sleep, totally pissed off
Relatively new relationship, he's been away working, usually see each other on a Monday
We were messaging yesterday morning and I asked would we see each today
He said "yes we'll arrange it later have to go"
Still waiting to hear from him, it's pissed of right off, it's my day off tomorrow and could have made other plans
So aibu for feeling like this ? I have form for
Over thinking things but I would expect to confirm plans
I'll probably get a message in the morning but didn't want to chase him

OP posts:
FatFacedDog · 22/05/2017 06:20

I'd make plans without him. If he is disapointed he will learn in future not to keep you hanging. However going by everything else you've said I don't think he'll care and then you have your answer.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/05/2017 06:40

A pedant writes: Whilst I fully agree with the sentiment on that mug, the grammar makes me cringe.

Bluntness100 · 22/05/2017 06:49

What do you mean you haven't seen him for weeks now, how long has it been?

Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 22/05/2017 06:52

He works away, been seeing each other four months

OP posts:
Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 22/05/2017 06:53

Haven't seen him for three weeks

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 22/05/2017 06:55

I'm sorry op, he's either in another relationship or he's not that interested. I think you should just end it.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 22/05/2017 06:55

Well he's cancelled last minute several times, you haven't seen him for weeks and he hasn't replied yesterday when he said he would. You're now up half the night worrying about the relationship.

PLEASE take notice of how he's treating you and don't allow him to do it anymore. You deserve MUCH better.

So yes, tell him to go fuck himself!

FinallyHere · 22/05/2017 06:57

Hope you have made your own plans for a lovely day DarrellRivers

MrsPeelyWaly · 22/05/2017 06:58

OP, he doesn't sound keen. I'm sorry.

Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 22/05/2017 07:11

He seems to have had good excuses for cancelling before but the more it goes on the more l think it's just shite
And we haven't had sex 😡

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 22/05/2017 07:13

It's not really a relationship is it? You seem to be occassional friends. Only known him four months, not seen him for one of those, no sex.

Has he tried to get intimate with you?

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 22/05/2017 07:14

He was probably crap at sex so don't think you're missing outGrin

What have you got planned for today? Do something lovely.

Pagwatch · 22/05/2017 07:16

Plan your day go out and do something.
Don't plan a strategy or chose what to say next. Just get on with doing something, get on with your life and don't contact him at all
If he contacts you decide how to react then but don't make your plans around him.

Laiste · 22/05/2017 07:17

This one's a waste of effort. Arrange something else to do and decide you've ended it (not that there's a lot of 'it' to end).

If you don't feel wanted at this early stage then it's only going one way Flowers

AnnaFiveTowns · 22/05/2017 07:18

It's a new relationship so it really shouldn't be such hard work. I think I'd knock it on the head tbh.

Mulberry72 · 22/05/2017 07:21

What Chloe said.

Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 22/05/2017 07:22

He's fabulous when we're together, very respectful and affectionate, seems head over heels , I've just got a gut feeling that something is not right
I'll be gutted to end it but I'm not getting mucked about like this

OP posts:
EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 22/05/2017 07:24

It's not making you feel good

So don't carry on I wouldn't even bother wasting time messaging him if he does contact you just say you are busy

NormaSmuff · 22/05/2017 07:28

make your own plans, dont be available on the Day itself. if you want to see him and he gets back in touch, talk about a future day, not that day.

Sionella · 22/05/2017 07:29

If your gut is telling you something, listen to it. We have v powerful instincts.

And if you haven't read "he's just not that into you", get a copy. It doesn't tell you anything you don't already know really, but it's funny and very incisive and yeah, it's never wrong.

There's also a website about mr unavailable and not being the fallback girl. She's also harsh but accurate. I learned a LOT from those two!!

Sionella · 22/05/2017 07:30

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/list-of-posts/

howthelightgetsin · 22/05/2017 07:34

I was like this for several years whilst dating a number of people - if they mentioned seeing me on a day I would leave it completely free for them and if they randomly suggested an evening even if I had other plans I'd make myself available. It wasn't good and looked really needy.

With my DP it was never like that. Ok occasionally he's say he's be over for lunch and then was three hours late but I'd tell him I was upset about it (I didn't him being over at 3 but if I'd known in advance I'd have done something rather than sitting around waiting), and I kept plans with other people and never desperately tried to leave time for him, we just slotted in. It was far healthier and I suppose it fits that that was the relationship that lasted.

It's not playing games to make yourself busy. Assume you will see him - take him at his word - but since you don't know when schedule some other things in too and he's going to just have to fit around you or not at all.

Nanna50 · 22/05/2017 07:43

How many times have you seen him in 4 months and how often has he initiated contact, compared to you, and how often has he cancelled at last minute?

He doesn't sound head over heels and it doesn't sound much like a relationship. Do you actually speak to each other while apart or is it all texts?

Original poster
DarrellRivers70 · 22/05/2017 07:49

It's all by text when we're apart, see each other twice a week when home , but there seems to be a lot of emergencies lately that's meant he couldn't make it
I did suggest we just end things so he could deal with what was going on but he didn't want that

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 22/05/2017 07:53

is it a long distance relationship?