To be upset at DP for wanting a termination?

[Pineapplepie]

Hello, nc coz I'm shitting myself, but a regular poster.

feeling a bit wobbly so will do my best not to drip feed

I'm one of those really annoying people who has found themselves accidentally pregnant. (although I have previously had fertility struggles, this little bean has come as a total shock, and would be dc1 for us both) I found out today and would assume I'm about 4w 2d. So not far along at all.

Dp really wants a termination and I can see why, as our situation is not ideal but I don't know if I could hack it.

The pros of having a baby, are that we have a child.
We would have support- all our family are within 40 mins of us in Newcastle so really good, and dps mam is retired and has offered support to all her gcs

The cons/ struggles are:
I've just finished my Msc. so am unemployed
We don't live together (young professional/mature student houseshare jobbys)
We don't have professions
It would be a rush
We've only been seeing achother a year (just under)
Expensive
Strain on relationships
(Ours with eachother and with friends)
Terrefying

I'm sure I could go on.

But despite all this I find myself not wanting the terminaton

Please help
Wibu to have this baby?

It's entirely your decision. If you want to keep the baby, do. You might need to plan to be a single mum but the only thing he gets to decide is whether he's involved or not.

Forgot to say, if you've had fertility struggles, you might not get another chance to have a baby.

You obviously want the baby which is all that matters in the grand scheme, but I can really see where your partner is coming from. If you want to keep the baby, realise you might be doing it alone. Could you afford that? What would your plans be for living?

It is your body and your decision. But he is NBU to want to terminate - he doesn't get a choice but he is entitled to an opinion.

It is unreasonable to be upset at him wanting a termination.

This time last week, you both didn't want to have a baby.

He has not changed his mind, that's all. He still wants to not have a baby.

Do you want to have a baby? Why have you changed your mind?
(that might sound like a silly question, and maybe it is, but it is worth thinking about)

How old are you? I think it make a difference IYSWIM
If you had fertility problems before was that with a previous partner?

I personally would terminate because it sounds like the wrong time and because I think it's unfair to have a child knowing that the father doesn't want it. (Not that I think kids need two parents....) I also not want to have a child without savings and ok housing of some sort. What would you anticipate living off? I know people 'manage' but wouldn't it be more sensible to wait.

I also wouldn't have a issue aborting a pregnancy at such an early stage, however, I realize that not everyone would feel the same.

I know he's nbu. It's just crap. We both want to have babies. Just not immediately. trills I want this baby beceause as purple pointed out, we might not get another chance.

How do you know you have fertility struggles?

Have you been trying unsuccessfully to conceive in the past? With this boyfriend? Or another one?

I'm 25, he's 28. I wouldn't be completely fundless, I would work my bloody arse off and I've got £12000 saved, 8 inheritance and 4 leftover for the 9500 I saved up to do my masters.

How do you know you've previously had fertility struggles? Have you tried to get PG in the past?

Quintessential
It was with another partner. Slightly abusive, get her pregnant and hide her shoes Type of man

Haha total cross post with Quint!

Yes, but were you actively trying to get pregnant with the other man? How did it come to light that you had fertility issues?

He's not unreasonble to not want this baby, or for giving his opinion that termination is the best.
It is your decision ultimately though.
Would you be ok raising this baby on your own if your dp wasn't there?
Would you be ok for money, living arrangements etc?

Ok, and do you know for a fact that it was YOU having fertility issues, not him? Have you been diagnosed?

25 and 28 are not that young.

Does he have a job?

Maybe it is not just that he does not want the baby, he may not want that lifestyle and set up. You know, a serious relationship living together just you and him. If he is 28, and enjoy living with mates in a flatshare, then I reckon he wants this to continue.

he doesn't get a choice but he is entitled to an opinion.

And his opinion is that raising a child with no way to pay for it is a bad idea. It is. But sometimes we pick the difficult route.

What is your plan? Because you want to keep the pregnancy from the sounds of it. How are you going to manage?

lalegue Not your full on BBT, cm checking but I had unprotected regular sex for two years then went to the gp, who reffered me to the hospital who ran tests, I have pcos, and apparently rarely ovulate so would struggle in the future, and was told I could look at clomid to start 🤷🏼‍♀️ I hope that helps

He doesn't sound committed. Do you want to be, think you can cope with single parenthood?

Sorry you are in this situation.

It is your call entirely. He may not always be your DP but your DC will always be your baby. Do not feel pressured. Do what suits you. You are not too young or without means. Your choice.

mrsTerryPratchett
I haven't got a great plan, I'm a bit worried to be honest.
I'm highly qualified so hope to get a job almost immediately, so I qualify for smp. I will then hopefully do my final certificate to make sure I qualify when DC is old enough for nursery and work my arse off.
I honestly don't know -
I'm scared of an abortion - I don't want one, but I know it's the logical approach

I want this baby beceause as purple pointed out, we might not get another chance.

Right. So were you actually using BC with your current boyfriend or did you tell him he didn't need to worry because you probably couldn't have children without fertility treatment?

I didn't mean my last post to be self congratulating- I just mean I will hopefully get any job like Asda or cleaning or anything

He doesn't sound like he's prepared for the commitment/sacrifices.

HOWEVER. It is your body. It sounds like you really want this baby... And if you do want it and terminate? I think you'll regret this a lot, tbh.

And it doesn't sound like you are in a bad situation. Ideal? no. But noth really bad either.

If you could snap your fingers and not be pregnant, with no termination, would you? Because I'm worried that a termination is what is influencing your decision, rather than a clear want to have a baby now.

Don't worry about being self-congratulatory. You've worked hard!

laLegue
No we used bc I have to take microgynon Everyday to control my period, and we use condoms 90% of the time too! So massive shock!