To be upset at DP for wanting a termination?

[Pineapplepie]

Hello, nc coz I'm shitting myself, but a regular poster.

feeling a bit wobbly so will do my best not to drip feed

I'm one of those really annoying people who has found themselves accidentally pregnant. (although I have previously had fertility struggles, this little bean has come as a total shock, and would be dc1 for us both) I found out today and would assume I'm about 4w 2d. So not far along at all.

Dp really wants a termination and I can see why, as our situation is not ideal but I don't know if I could hack it.

The pros of having a baby, are that we have a child.
We would have support- all our family are within 40 mins of us in Newcastle so really good, and dps mam is retired and has offered support to all her gcs

The cons/ struggles are:
I've just finished my Msc. so am unemployed
We don't live together (young professional/mature student houseshare jobbys)
We don't have professions
It would be a rush
We've only been seeing achother a year (just under)
Expensive
Strain on relationships
(Ours with eachother and with friends)
Terrefying

I'm sure I could go on.

But despite all this I find myself not wanting the terminaton

Please help
Wibu to have this baby?

I do think it's pretty common to be happy to use contraception but either oppose abortion or not feel able to have one yourself, even when very pro-choice.

Hilda complete unnecessary and irrelevant input. OP's life will be far more affected than her DP's and she shouldn't be forced to undergo any sort of procedure on HER body so as not to 'ruin his life'. What about her wants and needs?
OP have the baby. It's clear that's what you want and you may not get another chance. Had your post been more uncertain my advice may be different, but you say in your OP that despite all the cons you find yourself not wanting a termination. Rightly or wrongly, your partners wishes should not enter into your decision as it will be you that has to live with the consequences. Good luck

@MissShittyBennet @PurpleDaisies You're right, I should have used CAN instead of DO - OP CAN ovulate naturally which is a good sign, but yes, it doesn't necessarily mean she's doing so regularly.

I just hate seeing people with PCOS told that they'll never conceive naturally etc etc when the reality is so much more complex than that. I was told at 16 that I would be infertile and it devastated me. I also know of women who don't bother using contraception because they have PCOS and have been told they won't get pregnant. It's just not always a recipe for blanket infertility and this isn't necessarily the OP's only chance. That's a lot of pressure to put on her.

If she wants this baby right now then absolutely she should keep it. But she shouldn't keep a baby she doesn't want at this point in time because she's being misinformed that as she has PCOS this is her only shot.

YY there are so many variables to PCOS. It's so very poorly understood. I don't have it, but my friend does and some of the ignorance she's encountered even from the medical profession is unbelievable.

With that said, while nobody can know if it's OP's only shot, nbobody can know if it isn't either. Or whether she'll have any more shots left when she and her partner decide they're ready, which I guess is the more salient point. Now that's true of every woman who ever conceives, but when you have a condition that is more likely to lead to reduced fertility, it's more significant.

But yeah I mean there's PCOS and PCOS. There are people who have it who never ovulate, there are people who have it who might ovulate several times in a year. You'd factor what you know about your own specific condition into the decision.

I don't have it, but my friend does and some of the ignorance she's encountered even from the medical profession is unbelievable

Absolutely this.

peach
"It's just not always a recipe for blanket infertility and this isn't necessarily the OP's only chance. That's a lot of pressure to put on her.
If she wants this baby right now then absolutely she should keep it. But she shouldn't keep a baby she doesn't want at this point in time because she's being misinformed that as she has PCOS this is her only shot."

Completely agree with this. Well said.

I am for choice for women but I can't imagine having an abortion, it being my choice, except in extreme circumstances.

I think a lot of women who get pregnant accidentally do not want to have an abortion. That may be why they don't have one. They listen to their own feelings in the matter.

Maybe some are pushed into keeping babies but maybe some are pushed into abortions they do not want.

How do we realistically know that the reliability statistics for contraception are totally true! They are based on the average egg and sperm, I guess. The average woman. Which of us thinks she is average!

The trouble is doctors do not know for sure. And as one ages the fertility for women goes down. Fertility is at it's peak at a certain time and then drops. I would say the best tense to use is the past and the possible! The OP did ovulate and she did get pregnant. The test is something we do not know. She may well again or may not.

My fertility issues were not related to PCOS, I have two friends who have it and they both have two kids. But the route to getting their kids was quite long.

Good luck pineapple.

rest not test!

If as you say you are going to be able to get a job and financially support
yourself, I would say go ahead and have the baby. You may never get another chance. I know it is pretty impossible to imagine how you will feel 40 years from now, but you might bitterly regret having a termination. Be brave.

How are you today OP? has your bfriend been in touch?