He put his tongue in my fucking mouth

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I know I am not being unreasonable at all, more a 'what would you do' but posting here for traffic.

My team at work is largely young people in their twenties (I'm 29). We're lucky to mostly get on well and a number of us are good friends, so there's a far amount of work related socialising.

We had a work event all day yesterday which ended with a lot of us in a pub all rather drunk. We have a fairly new man in the team, about 4 months in? He's about 24. We are a very female heavy team, and the other men aren't really 'guys guys' which he is. I've tried to get on with him though he's probably not someone I'd be friends with outside the group.

When I was saying goodbye to everyone I was going round and giving everyone a peck on the cheek. When I got to him he didn't cheek peck, but turned his mouth onto mine and stuck his tongue in my mouth. Not even like a kiss but maybe... trying to be cheeky or funny? I have no idea. But honestly it felt quite aggressive. I pulled away and I think said something like 'what the hell?' (I was quite drunk so can't remember the detail) and just left to get a cab with my friend. We hadn't been talking for a couple of hours so it wasn't in the context of anything, I was just saying goodbye to everyone. Not that that would be any difference, it was wrong and just gross.

I'm really pissed off, DP is pissed off. Essentially how dare he? It takes a lot to make me feel uncomfortable but I feel really weird and just not happy. It's a massive over step in so many ways. What the hell was he thinking?

I'm not sure what's best to do? Speak to him next week and say 'what the hell? That's really not ok and I want an apology'. Possibly speak to our team leaders? (also fairly young women) I don't want to blow it out of proportion but I think I'll have my guard up with him now which is not how I want to function at work. It takes a lot to make me feel uncomfortable and I'm not a sensitive sort, but this would be wrong whoever he did it to and he needs to know this isn't acceptable.

What would you do?

OP, did you address it today at work?

What this man did was wrong, and I agree with the recent pp who observed that it was a display of dominance to humiliate you.

This incident, along with the inappropriate workplace discussion about the use of prostitutes conveys a very worrying attitude that he has towards women - a sexually aggressive attitude.

Not someone you want to work with.

I have a lot of professional experience of dealing with sexual predators in the workplace, and I definitely think you need to report it, if only so that it is on record (although tbh I would expect your workplace to take it seriously and deal with it severely).

Many on the thread have made comment about the amount you had to drink - it is totally irrelevant.

Ditto that you were air-kissing goodbye.

The likelihood is that this man has deliberately sought to capitalise on that in order to sexually humiliate you.

The fact is, that because it was a work do, it is automatically an extension of the workplace, and it is absolutely your employers remit to deal with this, and actually their responsibility to ensure your welfare and safety, even beyond the four walls of the office.

I really, really hope that you do report this. My (extensive) experience is that when sexual predators in the workplace are finally brought to task, in hindsight there is a long list of grievances, complaints, confidential requests to supervisors not to work alongside the person, widely known gossip that the person is a 'creep' etc. And he is a sexual predator, make no mistake about it.

I also know that you probably feel a bit weird and icky and confused about this at the moment, and probably don't want to start labelling things, but it is sexual assault. Imagine if this had happened randomly when you were sitting in the middle of the office? Would it have been acceptable? The circumstances of you being out in a pub and drinking doesn't alter the acceptability of it - he has just tried to capitalise on what he sees as an excuse to be able to do what he did.

Feel free to pm me.

I agree Beryl, I also bet this guy has a file on him in the past hr departments where he has worked.

These kinds of sexual predators don't just act on the spur of the moment. He has used this incident to try to humiliate and dominate you. He's done this before.

I hope you're ok.

Trolls, if you're that interested, why don't you open google in a browser and type in your search terms. Or just read a rape crisis centre website about what rape and sexual assault is.

I'm finding your unempathetic yammering on about needing proof and definitions quite offensive and cold hearted. This thread isn't about you and your ignorance/ curiosity.

I'm with OhTallulah on this one. If you go around sticking bits of yourself in other people without their permission you should fully expect somebody to defend themselves against that at some point.

Nokidshere You do not have to accept or partake in the gesture at all, but twice (thrice sometimes!) cheek kissing is not uncommon in Europe.

Nor is it uncommon in certian professions, particularly as mentioned by others, in media.