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AIBU?

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Original poster

He put his tongue in my fucking mouth

205 replies

PaperdollCartoon · 20/05/2017 13:18

I know I am not being unreasonable at all, more a 'what would you do' but posting here for traffic.

My team at work is largely young people in their twenties (I'm 29). We're lucky to mostly get on well and a number of us are good friends, so there's a far amount of work related socialising.

We had a work event all day yesterday which ended with a lot of us in a pub all rather drunk. We have a fairly new man in the team, about 4 months in? He's about 24. We are a very female heavy team, and the other men aren't really 'guys guys' which he is. I've tried to get on with him though he's probably not someone I'd be friends with outside the group.

When I was saying goodbye to everyone I was going round and giving everyone a peck on the cheek. When I got to him he didn't cheek peck, but turned his mouth onto mine and stuck his tongue in my mouth. Not even like a kiss but maybe... trying to be cheeky or funny? I have no idea. But honestly it felt quite aggressive. I pulled away and I think said something like 'what the hell?' (I was quite drunk so can't remember the detail) and just left to get a cab with my friend. We hadn't been talking for a couple of hours so it wasn't in the context of anything, I was just saying goodbye to everyone. Not that that would be any difference, it was wrong and just gross.

I'm really pissed off, DP is pissed off. Essentially how dare he? It takes a lot to make me feel uncomfortable but I feel really weird and just not happy. It's a massive over step in so many ways. What the hell was he thinking?

I'm not sure what's best to do? Speak to him next week and say 'what the hell? That's really not ok and I want an apology'. Possibly speak to our team leaders? (also fairly young women) I don't want to blow it out of proportion but I think I'll have my guard up with him now which is not how I want to function at work. It takes a lot to make me feel uncomfortable and I'm not a sensitive sort, but this would be wrong whoever he did it to and he needs to know this isn't acceptable.

What would you do?

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 20/05/2017 14:09

Fuck this thread is depressing.

Original poster
PaperdollCartoon · 20/05/2017 14:09

GillyBeans it was a work event, I think that counts as work.
The alcohol I consumed has nothing to do with it. Do you think I shouldn't say goodbye to my colleagues if I've been drinking?

OP posts:
MaybeNextWeek · 20/05/2017 14:10

'I think assault it a step too far but certainly not acceptable behaviour'

No It isn't acceptable. I agree with you that being pissed is irrelevant. For me before I formalised it with proceedings at work I'd have to say 'wtf was that about the other night and don't ever do it again'. if he is cocky and unpleasant escalate, if he's sheepish and apologetic maybe leave it. Obviously up to you.

Ravenblack · 20/05/2017 14:10

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Original poster
PaperdollCartoon · 20/05/2017 14:11

RavenBlack made the first move on him? Are you quite serious? A peck on the cheek, both people at the same time, is a totally normal hello/goodbye and not anything like a come on. Are you quite alright?

OP posts:
Plumkettle · 20/05/2017 14:11

When I was saying goodbye to everyone I was going round and giving everyone a peck on the cheek. When I got to him he didn't cheek peck, but turned his mouth onto mine and stuck his tongue in my mouth.

She made the first move on him.............

Words. Fail.

Ravenblack · 20/05/2017 14:11

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
PaperdollCartoon · 20/05/2017 14:12

I didn't kiss him. An air peck on the cheek is a perfectly acceptable goodbye

OP posts:
Plumkettle · 20/05/2017 14:12

Are you OP's colleague, raven? Hmm

BerylStreep · 20/05/2017 14:12

I would e-mail him on Monday, and cc your manager in.

Put it on record that it happened, that it was unwelcome and inappropriate, and you never expect a recurrence.

Presumably others witnessed it?

Original poster
PaperdollCartoon · 20/05/2017 14:13

I never called it assault or suggested getting him sacked. But I will feel uncomfortable around him in the work place.

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 20/05/2017 14:13

The term sexual assault refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim

NoLoveofMine · 20/05/2017 14:13

Astounding how some will go to any lengths to excuse men who act like this towards women, now even insinuating that saying goodbye to everyone in a perfectly normal manner is "making the first move on him".

Original poster
PaperdollCartoon · 20/05/2017 14:13

Does no one else do that air peck each other on the cheek greeting? Is it very London or something?

OP posts:
NoLoveofMine · 20/05/2017 14:14

This man has also already been spoken to for behaving completely unprofessionally at work, loudly talking about his experiences with prostitutes.

AnUtterIdiot · 20/05/2017 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuckinghamLass · 20/05/2017 14:15

"She made the first move on him......."
Shock Grin

So by that logic she made a move on every single colleague there! Haha, that is some stone cold crazy shit!

Dolallytats · 20/05/2017 14:16

*I was going round giving everyone a peck on the cheek'

That is a goodbye gesture, not an invititation for someone to mix their bodily fluids with yours Raven He behaved disgustingly and should be held accountable for it.

BluePeppers · 20/05/2017 14:16

Errr a kiss on the cheeks has NOTHING to do with a kiss of the lip, let alone a french kiss.

The Ip did NOT kiss him and had no intention of doing so.
How on earth anyone can think it is like an open invitation is beyond me TBH (and be careful to never go to France because a kiss of the cheek is the normal way to greet anyone there!)

Paper his behaviour was in no way acceptable, drunk or not. I hate it when that sort of behaviour becomes acceptable or forgivable 'because he was drunk'
Either someone knowns they can still behave whilst they are drunk or they don't drink as much. Quite easy really.
I would have a word with him and tell him starught that not only NOT didn't appreciate his behaviour but also that any other 'offense' like this will be reported to HR.

RebelRogue · 20/05/2017 14:16

Paperdoll your habits should not be under scrutiny here. The only reason it is mentioned is to excuse and justify the poor misunderstood,confused,drunk bloke.

Dolallytats · 20/05/2017 14:16

Bold fail Blush

AnUtterIdiot · 20/05/2017 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FizzyGreenWater · 20/05/2017 14:18

No, I tell you who sounds fucking nasty - it's the scrote newbie who's already been pulled up for 'very loudly discussing a drunken rugby escapade involving prositutes' in the office, and then thinks it's fine to stick his tongue in the mouth of a colleague wishing him the same goodbye she's wished to everyone else (she exclaimed, he 'laughed/smiled').

If I were one of this team, I'd be bloody delighted if he were sacked and I didn't have to work with him.

Fucking disgusting the amount of excuses being trotted out for the kind of shitty, perving behaviour women and girls put up with every day.

OP I really do hope you report him - you absolutely should.

Original poster
PaperdollCartoon · 20/05/2017 14:18

I think if had been a sort of come on or actual sexual gesture it might be a different story. I think he was trying to be funny or cheeky? It was literally just a tongue in the mouth, not a kiss

OP posts:
NoLoveofMine · 20/05/2017 14:20

Excellent post FizzyGreenWater.

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