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AIBU?

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Original poster

He put his tongue in my fucking mouth

205 replies

PaperdollCartoon · 20/05/2017 13:18

I know I am not being unreasonable at all, more a 'what would you do' but posting here for traffic.

My team at work is largely young people in their twenties (I'm 29). We're lucky to mostly get on well and a number of us are good friends, so there's a far amount of work related socialising.

We had a work event all day yesterday which ended with a lot of us in a pub all rather drunk. We have a fairly new man in the team, about 4 months in? He's about 24. We are a very female heavy team, and the other men aren't really 'guys guys' which he is. I've tried to get on with him though he's probably not someone I'd be friends with outside the group.

When I was saying goodbye to everyone I was going round and giving everyone a peck on the cheek. When I got to him he didn't cheek peck, but turned his mouth onto mine and stuck his tongue in my mouth. Not even like a kiss but maybe... trying to be cheeky or funny? I have no idea. But honestly it felt quite aggressive. I pulled away and I think said something like 'what the hell?' (I was quite drunk so can't remember the detail) and just left to get a cab with my friend. We hadn't been talking for a couple of hours so it wasn't in the context of anything, I was just saying goodbye to everyone. Not that that would be any difference, it was wrong and just gross.

I'm really pissed off, DP is pissed off. Essentially how dare he? It takes a lot to make me feel uncomfortable but I feel really weird and just not happy. It's a massive over step in so many ways. What the hell was he thinking?

I'm not sure what's best to do? Speak to him next week and say 'what the hell? That's really not ok and I want an apology'. Possibly speak to our team leaders? (also fairly young women) I don't want to blow it out of proportion but I think I'll have my guard up with him now which is not how I want to function at work. It takes a lot to make me feel uncomfortable and I'm not a sensitive sort, but this would be wrong whoever he did it to and he needs to know this isn't acceptable.

What would you do?

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 20/05/2017 14:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

kittybiscuits · 20/05/2017 14:21

I think it's best to ignore goady fuckers when they are being deliberate thundercunts!

Elendon · 20/05/2017 14:23

He knew exactly what he was doing and is definitely marking his territory. What a shitty way to behave. I'd certainly bring it up with HR and also mention the previous caution, lest they forget. I've been on many a drunken night out with colleagues, never a one did this. Totally inappropriate. Who the hell does he think he is?

nokidshere · 20/05/2017 14:24

Does no one else do that air peck each other on the cheek greeting? Is it very London or something?

I'm 56 years old and have lived and worked in many places, including central London for many years. I have never kissed my colleagues.

Ravenblack · 20/05/2017 14:25

@fizzygreenwater

Hey Ravenblack, an ellipsis consists of a set of three dots, not as many as you can hold down the key for. Nothing else in your post worth responding to.

Well why bother responding to me at all then?

Just so you can get a pathetic, shitty little dig in that you think is fucking hilarious I suppose?

How pathetic.

Original poster
PaperdollCartoon · 20/05/2017 14:26

Well it's very normal. It's not even a kiss, more an air kiss the vicinity of their cheek.
For further context I would greet our chief executive in the same way at work events, and have done many times

OP posts:
Elendon · 20/05/2017 14:27

I would report it. I wouldn't let him get away with it. However, I do understand a reticence to report and you are not to blame if you don't. Especially if you report to someone who has the same victim blaming mindset as some on this thread.

LadyLapsang · 20/05/2017 14:27

If you report it, I anticipate following investigation he may be sacked or receive a final written warning. However, it will come out that both of you - and your colleagues - were drunk and potentially bringing your firm's name into disrepute. Also, consider some people (not the guy you are talking about) don't like a peck on the cheek from work colleagues. My DH hates hugs and pecks from women in his workplace - not a media industry etc.- but feels he can't say anything for fear of offending them.

FizzyGreenWater · 20/05/2017 14:27
Grin
Ravenblack · 20/05/2017 14:27

@nokidshere Yeah I don't go around giving 'air kisses' to colleagues either, least of all the MALE ones, when we are all fucking drunk. Wink

Sounds a bit weird to me.

Scabetty · 20/05/2017 14:27

Sounds like an arrogant twat. Give him some mouthwash on Monday and tell him you'll shove his tongue up his arse if it ever comes near you again.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 20/05/2017 14:27

Does no one else do that air peck each other on the cheek greeting? Is it very London or something?

No, this isn't some fucking London arrogance thing so don't make out it is. 🙄

I in a professional environment, so no, I don't air peck my colleagues- with or without alcohol.

If it's a work thing, air kissing your colleagues after a few bevvies is inappropriate and unprofessional. If it is a social thing, don't get your manager involved in it.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 20/05/2017 14:28

*I work in

NoLoveofMine · 20/05/2017 14:28

Whether anyone else says goodbye to colleagues or anyone else in the manner the OP did is irrelevant. She and they do, this man chose to behave in the manner he did.

Ravenblack · 20/05/2017 14:29

EXCELLENT post from LADYLAPSANG. ^

I am sure they will get accused of 'victim blaming' as well though. Or being a goady thundercunt.

Christ on a fucking bike.......

BuckinghamLass · 20/05/2017 14:30

The kiss thing depends on context. I used to work in media in London and cheek kissing was rife.

nokidshere · 20/05/2017 14:30

Whether anyone else says goodbye to colleagues or anyone else in the manner the OP did is irrelevant. She and they do, this man chose to behave in the manner he did

It wasn't a judgement it was a reply to the question from the op

JaneEyre70 · 20/05/2017 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Deploycharitygoats · 20/05/2017 14:31

Well that was a fun five minutes of reporting victim blaming posts to MNHQ. More productive than feeding goady fuckers though, I suspect.

NoLoveofMine · 20/05/2017 14:32

They had both been drinking. Only one of them did something wrong. The one who's previously been warned for boasting loudly about prostitutes at work.

BattleaxeGalactica · 20/05/2017 14:32

His intentions don't really matter here, OP. Its his actions that count. No getting round the fact that sticking a tongue into someone's mouth is a sexually loaded act. He has no respect for you or the other women he works with and he sounds like a liability in waiting for your firm to me.

Elendon · 20/05/2017 14:33

Oh come ON!!!!!!!!! She went to kiss HIM, at the end of the party when they were all pissed, and he gave her a frenchie! I can't believe some of the posts here. What kind of ludicrous snowflake society have we turned into? He didn't assault her. But some of the MN'ers on here are happy to have this man reported and probably FIRED for basically fuck-all.

You are the ludicrous snowflake.

People do get fired for abusive behaviour, I hope that doesn't come as a surprise to you, and the person is already on a warning.

limitedperiodonly · 20/05/2017 14:34

What do you want to happen Paperdoll? It's entirely up to you. Your employer should take this very seriously if you report it and I don't blame you if you do.

This was an assault. It doesn't matter how much you and he had had to drink or that you were off office premises.

Sorry it happened. I know how horrible this kind of thing is because something similar happened to me.

MaybeNextWeek · 20/05/2017 14:34

' I'd message him and let him know that while you accept he had been drinking, it was a revolting thing to do, both uninvited and unwanted and that if he makes any approach to you like that in the future, you will be reporting him to the Police.'

Yes have you actually messaged him to ask 'wtf was that and do not ever do it again' yet. if yes what did he say?

Scabetty · 20/05/2017 14:34

I am 52 yo and always air kiss/hug colleagues. Not unprofessional at all Hmm

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