He put his tongue in my fucking mouth

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I know I am not being unreasonable at all, more a 'what would you do' but posting here for traffic.

My team at work is largely young people in their twenties (I'm 29). We're lucky to mostly get on well and a number of us are good friends, so there's a far amount of work related socialising.

We had a work event all day yesterday which ended with a lot of us in a pub all rather drunk. We have a fairly new man in the team, about 4 months in? He's about 24. We are a very female heavy team, and the other men aren't really 'guys guys' which he is. I've tried to get on with him though he's probably not someone I'd be friends with outside the group.

When I was saying goodbye to everyone I was going round and giving everyone a peck on the cheek. When I got to him he didn't cheek peck, but turned his mouth onto mine and stuck his tongue in my mouth. Not even like a kiss but maybe... trying to be cheeky or funny? I have no idea. But honestly it felt quite aggressive. I pulled away and I think said something like 'what the hell?' (I was quite drunk so can't remember the detail) and just left to get a cab with my friend. We hadn't been talking for a couple of hours so it wasn't in the context of anything, I was just saying goodbye to everyone. Not that that would be any difference, it was wrong and just gross.

I'm really pissed off, DP is pissed off. Essentially how dare he? It takes a lot to make me feel uncomfortable but I feel really weird and just not happy. It's a massive over step in so many ways. What the hell was he thinking?

I'm not sure what's best to do? Speak to him next week and say 'what the hell? That's really not ok and I want an apology'. Possibly speak to our team leaders? (also fairly young women) I don't want to blow it out of proportion but I think I'll have my guard up with him now which is not how I want to function at work. It takes a lot to make me feel uncomfortable and I'm not a sensitive sort, but this would be wrong whoever he did it to and he needs to know this isn't acceptable.

What would you do?

Sorry about the idiotic comments on your thread OP

He definitely has some boundary issues. He was flirting with a number of team members

Cheers Kitty, don't worry I can drown out the unnecessary sexism from other women. He had no right to be so inappropriate

Misconduct doesn't have to happen literally in the office to become a work matter. I would absolutely raise this with my line manager, and would want it raised with me if I managed either you or the dickhead who did this.

I've worked in places where it's unusual not to socialise and get pissed (very typical in media industry for starters).
You are correct OP it is not a green light for people to behave in such a sexually inappropriate way.
Some of the comments on this thread are ridiculous. It is a work matter, because it is going to effect your working relationship with him.

Let it go and don't drink so much in the future? WTF? How is this the OP's fault?

Say something on Monday, OP. Not appropriate at all!

It is relevant to work. If you are on a 'team do' - even if it's after hours - then work still has a duty of care. I've had to intervene before on work social occasions to ensure that things stay above board and that all concerned know that you can let your hair down a bit, but you are still in front of colleagues.

His behaviour was inappropriate and I would flag it to your manager, so that s/he can have a word with him on Monday about boundaries and appropriate behaviour.

And as for the whole 'don't get so drunk' - WTF? Why the fuck are you victim blaming here? She was pecking cheeks goodbye - which is very common and completely acceptable social norm - round her whole team when this guy thought he'd go one better. How does her being drunk influence that? But yes, please go ahead and make the woman responsible for the behaviour of the poor menz. After all, it's not like they have any degree of control over whether they stick their tongue in someone's mouth uninvited, do they? On this basis he must be a real sight at job interviews, no?

Sounds to me that his boundary issues are that he doesn't give a fuck about other people's.
I have a feeling OP having an informal chat of " I'm very unhappy with your behaviour. Don't do it again" will make him see the "error" of his ways.

'Sorry about the idiotic comments on your thread OP'
Idiotic comments? I have suggested she talks to him and tells him his behaviour was appalling, then if he accepts it and apologises she could accept it or not, but at least address it first. If he becomes difficult that's when she tells a manager.

Also, I would agree with a previous 'idiotic comment', I wouldn't be kissing a whole team goodnight anyway especially ones I didn't like. That of course does not mean he could do what he did. Obviously.

Star, the OP can get as drunk as she likes, it does not give men carte blanche to put parts of their body into her body. What a disgusting victim blaming attitude.

Revolting behaviour. I'd definitely tell the manager, if only just to add a little more evidence to his "Twat Folder".

Work functions count as work. You absolutely should complain and given his previous I would expect him to get a warning.

And yes, it is assault.

Some of these posters are very close to telling a woman that it's her fault she was sexually assaulted, yes it is assault, as she drank too much, while excusing the man's behaviour because he was drunk. Ffs, people say we don't need feminism then this shit is trotted out.

Sorry you had to deal with this op. Makes me want to rinse my mouth out with the thought of it. Boak. You can absolutely report this. If you don't wish to, at the minute, then make a note of it, time and place, witnesses, etc. You may need it later as this guy sounds like a sexist arse, at the very least.

He's already been warned about his behaviour after very loudly discussing a drunken rugby escapade involving prositutes in the middle of the office

This combined with his aggressively "kissing" you without consent or invitation says a lot about his views towards women. You did absolutely nothing wrong and it's he who's made you feel uncomfortable with this unacceptable behaviour. I would want to report it and he would make me feel very uncomfortable to be around (I'm already uncomfortable thinking of him being around women).

He was probably drunk too and thought you were coming in for a snog. Anyone who went for a kiss with someone they didn't know well where I'm from would either get a snog or a wtf... I know you were only pecking everyone's cheek but it sounds like he didn't realise that.

Of course he behaved inappropriately, and I still think you should speak to him first although it seems I'm in the minority on that.

But I still don't get why anyone would willingly kiss someone they admit has boundary issues, they don't like and they don't get on with - why would you?

Here you go OP www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/discrimination-at-work/what-are-the-different-types-of-discrimination/harassment-at-work/

They key paragraph is "The Equality Act says your employer has a duty to stop your colleagues from harassing you at work. This includes harassment which takes place outside work at some work-related social events and trips - for example, an office party."

But if you had stayed sober (or indeed, just not as smashed) you would have been more alert to such twattish behaviour and stopped it in its tracks

Ridiculous victim blaming. Why not say the man should have stayed sober if being drunk makes him act like this rather than blaming a woman for doing something she's perfectly entitled to do?

When I got to him he didn't cheek peck, but turned his mouth onto mine and stuck his tongue in my mouth. Not even like a kiss but maybe... trying to be cheeky or funny? I

Sounds like it was an unexpected change that probably happened in seconds,if not even less. How exactly being less drunk would've prevented that?
It happened by accident (no tongue) to me a few times,stone cold sober, when the other person changed position(either going for a peck themselves or changing cheeks) .

He was probably drunk too and thought you were coming in for a snog

He was already showing no respect for women's comfort or boundaries by flirting with other team members. The OP was giving everyone else a "peck on the cheek" so why on Earth would he think she was "coming in for a snog"?

Welsh I was not victim blaming. But I was saying it sounds completely inappropriate to me to go out and get completely smashed out of your head with people you clearly don't know very well.

Stay sober, stay safer. Or at least, just have a couple of sensible drinks rather than getting smashed. Seriously. How is this even professional??!

What a shame you didn't punch him in the fucking mouth.
Creep.

Good link Candle. Do they do a similar piece in words of one syllable for people who cannot understand that they are victim-blaming?

But I was saying it sounds completely inappropriate to me to go out and get completely smashed out of your head with people you clearly don't know very well

Well, the man in question knows them less well so why don't you condemn him if that's what you think?