so embarrassed Year 2 son!

[Ohcrapbag]

I have two sons, one is now in secondary and the other year 2.
September born so one of the eldest but has always been quite immature compared to his peers, preferring to run around playing football or out on his bike than to playing complex games on computers and so on.
He's just under where he should be academically which has always been put down to poor concentration and not really having an interest in reading for instance.
He's very lively and since starting reception has had many tellings off for boisterous behaviour within his friendship group ( 4 of them all very similar ) however it's all come to a bit of a head now as the teacher has called me in for the following reasons -
Him saying " I don't want to / I already know this / I'm not interested in this / my parents won't care about this ( when she told him we wouldn't be happy with him not listening ) " and generally just being very cocky and rude to her.
Also being silly in class to get people to laugh however most are not laughing and just think he's stupid
Not concentrating in class whatsoever so doesn't know what work he's meant to be doing when it's time for independent learning
Reading level is 2 below the books he reads at home as he doesn't focus at school when she reads with him
She said there seems to be a lack of respect
I'm really embarrassed. We've been more positive parent types I suppose and we're always proud of our children for having an opinion and a voice, for not following the crowd or trying to fit it and being happy an individuals however she said it's not being assertive, just rude and wants us to agree on something he loses of an evening for poor behaviour in class.
At home he is kind and considerate, very active which we've always just accepted so spend lots of time trailing through woods and so on but no bad behaviour as such.
She asked if we had noticed anything at home but other than not wanting to read with us and telling his football coach he already knows how to play football a few times when doing his lessons I can't think of anything at all.
Is this just a phase? She seemed really annoyed; usually very smily and jokey but not today.

Perhaps that's why we're disagreeing. I had no idea you taught older kids. I certainly think in Reception they are still learning. And breaking school rules is one thing, being a bit vacant in class, struggling to follow multiple instructions, being clumsy, losing it when something they aren't all day making is destroyed etc. etc. This is where empathy, compassion and understanding comes in.

And I agree with PaleAzure that at age 7 ops ds will want to please the teacher. This is borne out by his distress when he discovered he'd upset them.

Children vary in levels of development. Age 7-8, however, is the time when they begin to seriously start prioritising the importance of fitting in with their friends, and this can begin to undermine the earlier desire that most children have to please their teacher. Age 7 is not too early for this to be happening, IMO, although most nice children will always feel some conflict over this. The fact that he's not on his own in this behaviour, but rather is part of a group, suggests to me that this is what's going on.

Would they think it's having no boundaries at home possibly and a cause for concern?

If I ignored school rules for every child whose parent requested 'understanding', what do you think would be the outcome? Serious question.

The paradox here is, of course, that for most SEND students, the ideal environment is a quiet, orderly classroom without a lot of sensory overloads and distracting behaviour. Yet if parents expect teachers to constantly lower their expectations about behaviour, in case a misbehaving child has undiagnosed SEND issues, such a classroom quickly becomes unattainable.

MerryMarigold

I have empathy, compassion and understanding. It is because I care about children that I believe it is so important to teach them how to behave. And that starts as soon as they go to school. My sister is a Y5 teacher, so I understand the impact of not teaching younger children how to behave. You just end up with older children who can't behave. Obviously the rules themselves can be less onerous because of the age of the children, but it is just as important that they are followed.

kesstrel

Exactly so. I teach several children (very well-behaved) on the autistic spectrum and they cannot cope at all with a chaotic classroom. They miss the majority of their lessons because teachers struggle to manage the classroom. I don't struggle, so they come to my lessons and they learn consistently.

Mummyoflittledragon

I agree, he still has a lot of development to do. But it needs to be in the right direction - towards more, not less, understanding of the importance of respectful behaviour and complying with the rules.

kesstrel- isn't he in a class of 6 and 7 yr olds though? I thought ops ds was yr 2, 7/8 is yr3.

I suspect he is misbehaving because he is struggling , and not vice versa

Totally agree Trifle.

Some kids are more clever and studious than others. If he's a little below the curve academically it isn't necessarily a sign of anything other than he is just not as clever as his peers. Obviously doesn't mean encouragement and support are pointless.

Being boisterous may or may not be caused by x y or z or maybe he just has a lot of energy.

Something you could tackle is the bragging. Bragging is plain rude. That's the bit I would be focusing on. He's still little so won't know how to behave perfectly in every situation but that's our job as the grown ups.

He sounds like a very rude young man.

I'm not sure you could describe a 7 year old as a " young man " really tbh